


Unspoken

by silentvoicescryingout



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blank Period, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous!Uchiha Sasuke, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Romance, Sex, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:21:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 55,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26475610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentvoicescryingout/pseuds/silentvoicescryingout
Summary: Stars burst into a kaleidoscope of color behind her closed eyelids and the words "I love you” were swept away by the current of his breath, of his kiss before they could spill from her lips. She was glad for this. Love like hers was meant to be silent, and unnamed. Only sounds of passion, of bodily pleasure were allowed here.A child born into a clan like his was destined to enjoy a love that burned, so hot that it could have been painful had he not spent so many years so cold. In moments like this, he could feel the warmth from the top of his head down to his toes, and he thanked whatever gods that existed that he was finally able to experience what love is.Years had passed between Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura. It took them time to re-learn each others' silent language.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 184
Kudos: 356





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This my very, very FIRST fanfic. And I mean the first one I've ever written...ever. I've written original works on different platforms, but anyway... I love this fandom and this ship and I'm working through writer's block for a big-girl novel I'm trying to write, so here is the steamy, angsty sh!t that circulates in my head regarding SasuSaku. Enjoy. 
> 
> Please let me know if you like it!

Sweat slipped hotly between her shoulder blades, and her juices ran sticky between her thighs. A hand flexed against her hip. His grip was nearly tight enough to bruise, but her body was painstakingly crafted for ungentle treatment. 

Her breath caught on a gasp when his hips rolled _like so_ . Stars burst into a kaleidoscope of color behind her closed eyelids and the words _I love you_ were swept away by the current of his breath, of his kiss before they could spill from her lips.

She was glad for this. Love like hers was meant to be silent, and unnamed. Only sounds of passion, of bodily pleasure were allowed here.

There was no point in holding her tongue, now tamed with the memory of The Last Time, as it unfurled to say, “ _Sasuke-kun_.”

Her voice, keening and breathless as it was when she called to him, pulled from his throat a groan and from his body a newfound ferocity as he thrust into her from below. 

Sakura rarely felt powerful when next to him. Standing beside Sasuke in battle meant accepting that you were the weaker party, for he was a king-- some might say a god-- among shinobi.

They weren’t shinobi here. Here, in a bed too soft in a room too small, Sakura usurped Sasuke from his throne with a kiss on his jaw, and he praised her with every undulation of his hips, his thickness spreading her wide and reaching deep inside as an offering.

“ _Beautiful_ ,” Sasuke hissed, and Sakura opened her eyes to gaze at deep grey and lavender, fixed on her face. If her face had not already been flushed with pleasure, she was sure it was now.

He used his lone hand on her hip to lift her up and over him, and she whimpered at the loss, feeling empty.

Sakura did not suffer for long, as Sasuke swiftly (but gently, so gently) turned her over onto her stomach and sank back inside. Their voices mingled on a moan and Sakura was seeing colors again, the new angle making her eyes roll back as she clawed for purchase in the bedsheets with one hand, the other coming behind to grasp the hair at the nape of her lover’s neck. 

“ _Oh_ ,” Sakura gasped following a particularly deep thrust, tugging mindlessly at the dampened locks gripped between her fingers. Her inner thighs quivered as the man above her filled her ruthlessly, so strong and so _deep_ that she was no longer sure where she ended and he began.

The brush of soft, sweat-dampened sheets against her tightened nipples and the sound of wet flesh meeting flesh threw her over the edge, Sasuke’s name exploding from her lips as her body shook and thrashed in his unwavering grip.

“ _Yes_ ,” his voice rumbled in her ear, and she swore she could _feel_ the vibrations of his chest pressed so snuggly against her back. 

She came down from her high slowly, falling into the aftershocks that kept her a quivering mess in his arms. He hadn’t slowed and she was more sensitive after an orgasm that stole her breath and possibly her good senses.

“Sasuke-kun,” she murmured, whining, as he continued his fast, powerful rhythm. “I _\- please_.”

Sakura had no idea what it was she was begging for, but Sasuke straightened so he stood on his knees behind her, his hand moving from her hip to the back of her head to grasp her tangled hair and pull her up until her back rested against a smooth, muscular torso. 

A single arm rose to hook around the back of his neck, clinging to him as he thrust into her as if she was the last woman he would ever have. And perhaps she wished she was. 

Another orgasm, intensified by its swiftness and her sensitized flesh swept through her, causing her to illicit a choked curse. The hand on her hair tugged once more, forcing her head back so Sasuke could ravish her mouth, swallowing her helpless moans and gasps. She drank her name from his mouth when he pushed deep inside and stilled, his muscles jerking and chest heaving as he emptied himself inside her. 

They stayed like that for a long moment, Sasuke still pressed deep inside of her and their breaths mingling until Sakura’s well-loved body could no longer remain upright. Her arms quivered as she brought them down and her upper body sagged forward slightly. They both shivered when Sasuke slowly slipped from her core.

She fell heavily on the bed, cheek pressed against the rumpled sheets and tried to catch her breath. She felt Sasuke drop down beside her.

“Towel?” Sasuke spoke after a few comfortably quiet moments. His voice was deep and gruff and it made her body warm all over.

“Yes, please,” Sakura sighed, not yet moving from her sprawled position. The man she loved had seen all of her, in every position at this point. There was no room for modesty nor embarrassment.

When she heard his quiet footsteps return, she did not get the chance to turn around and accept the wet cloth. Instead, she felt the warm fabric press against her intimately as he wordlessly wiped away the evidence of their coupling. 

Sakura could not help a sharp gasp and deep flush as Sasuke stroked the towel between her thighs, and between her folds. The caring gesture made her heart flutter like the butterflies she used to chase with Ino in springtime, but she pushed the feeling away. 

“I’m supposed to train with Naruto at dawn,” his voice came softly, but for how it ignited her blood he might as well have been shouting in his rich baritone. “Do you want me to stay?” 

_Yes,_ she thought. _That’s all I’ve ever wanted_.

“No, it’s okay,” she said, clearing her throat a bit as she sat up and toyed with the rumbled bedding around her. She saw him toss the warm towel he’d used to clean her up into her wicker hamper and blushed. “I have to be up early as well, for my shift at the hospital. I should get some sleep, it’s going to be a long one.” 

Sasuke’s brow furrowed slightly for a moment before he rolled his eyes, “You work too much.”

Sakura laughed, sheepishly toying with her mussed hair, “Everyone always says that…”

He rolled his eyes again and began pulling on his clothes. Once his shirt was pulled over his head, he approached the bed.

Sakura tilted her head up to meet his gaze and he bent to take her mouth, kissing her senseless. She felt breathless and hot all over again when he finally pulled away.

“Perhaps I’ll see you after your shift, then,” he said quietly, gaze still lingering on her lips. They dipped every so slightly and quickly to her still-bare chest before rising to look into hers again as he continued, “unless you’re too tired by then.”

“We’ll see,” she mumbled, slightly lost in his intense gaze. A shadow of a smile shaped his lips before he straightened fully and made his way toward her door.

“Good night, Sakura,” he left with one more heated glance over his shoulder. 

Sakura would never tell _anyone_ that she allowed herself a few girlish squeals into her pillow before sloppily replacing her bedding and taking a shower.

~

If Sakura was especially chipper and smiley the next morning, earlier than anyone had any right to be so, no one questioned it. Perhaps it was because her staff and patients were used to it and --hopefully-- simply believed she was a morning person.

Sakura had no good reason to still be so excited on the mornings after. At this point, being brought to mind-blowing orgasms by the man she loved had been happening nearly every other night for the past 4 months. Younger Sakura would faint at the thought.

Sakura felt her smile slip a bit as she shut her office door behind her. Younger Sakura would not have exactly imagined this... arrangement. The Sakura who was a genin and who loved Sasuke so much she would have left her village for him would settle for nothing less than marriage at this point. Fucking (not so) secretly in the late hours of the night wasn’t that.

Sakura shook her head to physically force the thoughts away. She was happy. Sasuke was home, he was redeemed and he cared for her. He wanted her, and if it was only physical and she was settling… that was fine.

Sakura was a woman now. She could fuck her teammate that she loved since childhood casually all she wants. She had needs and Sasuke met most of them.

_She would stop loving him-- being in love with him eventually. For now, it didn’t matter._

It was what she told herself, at least, as she stared blankly down at her stacks of paperwork. The residual pleasure of the night before was fading in the light of the early afternoon.

A few swift raps at her window caused Sakura to whip her head to the side violently. Sasuke was perched on the edge, blinking at her as he waited to be let in.

She scampered over and unlocked the window, allowing Sasuke to slip in gracefully. He met her gaze for a moment--long enough to make her feel warm in the face-- before holding up a bag of takeout to her.

“What’s this?” she asked, curiously. He simply stared at her, pushing it closer to her until she took it with a mumbled and slightly confused thank you.

“I figured you would forget to have lunch,” Sasuke said plainly, meandering casually to stand near the bookshelf behind her desk. “Umeboshi onigiri and dango from that restaurant Naruto and Hinata took us to last week.”

Sakura hurriedly sat down, hastily opening the bag in delight at his words. “Thank you, Sasuke-kun! This is so kind of you… but for the record I _did_ have something to eat prepared.”

When Sasuke looked at her over his shoulder, she proudly gestured to the two ration bars and water placed beside her paperwork. He stared at her blankly until her smile fell and she turned her back with a huff.

“This is _real_ food,” he said. She felt him approach just as she was taking a peek at the sweet-smelling dango, _seriously_ considering having her dessert first. She was about to reach for the stick of sugary goodness when she felt a long finger brushing her hair away from her neck.

Her gaze shot up to Sasuke, startled. His eyes were focused on his own hand, as his index finger toyed with the hair behind her ear before drawing a line down the side of her neck with a feather-light touch. 

“Do you want me to come over tonight?” he asked quietly, something in his voice making Sakura want to shiver. It didn’t help that she was sure that his gaze was locked on her jumping pulse.

“Yes,” she whispered, too overwhelmed with anticipation to play coy or act as if she had to think about it. She couldn’t bring herself to care if Sasuke knew that he could occupy all of her nights...all of her _time_ if he wished to.

He finally met her gaze, a definitely heated, but mostly unreadable look on his face. “Hn. I’ll meet you here when you’re done with work.”

“Okay,” she said, rather dizzily if she said so herself. She caught the barest hints of what could have been a smile before he shunshined away, leaving behind a cool breeze from her window and a simmering heat between her thighs.

“So, the Uchiha still fucking you senseless every night?” Ino swept into the break room, nearly causing Sakura to spill her entire cup of stifling hot coffee.

“Ino!” Sakura hissed, whipping her head side to side to see if there was anyone else in earshot. “ _Shut up you loud-mouthed pig_.”

“Ooh,” Ino purred, “spicy. Maybe he didn’t come by last night after all.”

“Ino,” Sakura growled, taking a gulp of her drink to hide her reddening cheeks. “Please… it’s not _nightly_ , I do have a life.”

Ino snorted, preparing a cup of tea. “If I had to choose between a social life and _dick_ …”

“We all know what you would choose, Ino,” Sakura muttered.

“ _I_ would choose hot nights of pure passion with the man I’ve been in love with since I was, like, 11,” Ino finished her thought. 

“Too much of a good thing is dangerous,” Sakura mutters.

“Nope, you’re wrong,” Ino quipped, flipping her long ponytail. “You should overindulge in the good things. Especially when you’re like us. Life is short, and then we’re shinobi.”

“I am definitely indulging,” Sakura smirked. She and Ino stared at each other for a moment before sharing a grin.

“I hope you know I’m going to be the maid of honor at you and Sasuke’s wedding,” Ino said, an evil smile on her face. “You pick anyone else, and I’ll kill you Forehead.”

Sakura’s smile slipped a bit. “Ino, you know it isn’t like that. We are just...two adults enjoying each other. That’s it. We’re not going to be anything more than that.”

When Ino looked up from her tea to level Sakura with a serious stare, she knew she’d been caught. Hook, line, sinker. 

“You know that for a fact, Sakura?” Ino asked quietly, still holding Sakura’s gaze with those icy blue eyes. 

“Yes, Ino,” Sakura said, holding her gaze, even as the hurt and shame curdled like poison in her stomach. “I know that for a fact, and I still choose to be involved with him despite it.”

“I won’t judge you for a good fuck,” Ino said, shrugging. “Even if it’s with all the emotional strings. But I want to make sure you’re being honest with yourself _and_ Sasuke. If you still love him, and I know you do, you should be clear about what your relationship is and what you want it to become.”

“That’s the thing, Ino,” Sakura sighed, breaking her gaze away. “There is no relationship, not the kind you’re talking about. There _won’t_ be. Sasuke is my teammate, he’s my friend. I love him. We enjoy sleeping with each other. That’s all the honesty I have to offer.”

“So, what happens when it hurts more than it feels good?” Ino pushed, grasping Sakura’s wrist to bring her attention back. “When the sex isn’t enough, but you spend all your time, and all your energy in this man who you think won’t want to be with you. What then?”

“Life is short, and we’re shinobi,” Sakura said quietly. Ino’s eyes tightened. “I’m not in the business of thinking about the future that way anymore. I’m enjoying what I have now.”

“Sakura,” Ino spoke gently, and Sakura _hated_ when Ino was gentle. “You should talk to him about your feelings.”

“I’ve done that for years, Pig” Sakura chuckled, but it had no depth. “He knows I love him. He’s made his decision, and I made mine.”

“I want you to see happiness,” Ino said fiercely. She stood and hesitated before leaving to return to her rotations, “I want you to enjoy the kind of happiness we dreamed of when we were little girls, before we were shinobi. With Sasuke, or someone else.”

Sakura stared into the cooling, dark liquid in the paper cup grasped between her hands, the sound of clacking footsteps signaling Ino’s exit. 

~

“Teme,” Naruto spoke around his chopsticks as he shoveled bowl number three of Ichiraku ramen into his mouth.

“What, Dobe?” Sasuke muttered, sipping at the salty broth more slowly.

“How’s things with Sak’ra?” he asked, peering at Sasuke from the corner of his eyes. His eyebrows waggled above the rim of his bowl.

“None of your business,” Sasuke finished his only bowl and set it neatly on the counter, along with his payment.

“Uh, yes it is my business,” Naruto sputtered, wiping the back of his mouth with his sleeve. “You two are my best friends, _you know_.”

“I do not pry into you and Hinata’s relationship,” he responded. He was itching for sunset, impatient to see Sakura home from the hospital. For all of his travels and his seeking redemption, he never quite learned how to be patient.

“Yeah, cuz you don’t actually care about anything other than _Sakura_ ,” Naruto sang her name and Sasuke resisted the urge to tackle him to the ground for his teasing. He was not a twelve-year-old anymore.

“Shut up,” he intoned. Naruto guffawed, shoving his shoulder so hard Sasuke questioned his own resolve _not_ to start a fight in the ramen shop.

“I’m serious, Sasuke,” Naruto said when he stopped laughing. “How are things? You both act so...weird. Like you’re hiding something. You didn’t get her pregnant or something right?”

“Dobe _shut up_ ,” Sasuke growled, allowing himself a swift kick to Naruto’s shins under the counter. 

“Just asking! It’s weird I’m telling you,” Naruto groaned, rubbing his leg absentmindedly. “I mean, she was more affectionate with you when we were _genin_.”

“She’s plenty affectionate,” Sasuke stated. Flashing images from the night before of flushed skin and silky pink hair strewn across rumpled sheets appeared in his mind momentarily. “What is between us, is between us.”

“Have you told her you love her yet?” Naruto asked, propping his chin on his prosthetic hand to blink at the Uchiha expectantly.

Sasuke sneered and looked over the blonde’s shoulder. “Some things do not have to be explained.”

“Yeah, sure,” Naruto nodded thoughtfully. “But _this_ fucking does. You realize she’s been in love with you forever right? Waited for you?”

“Yes, I do realize Naruto,” Sasuke tried to ignore the tinge in his chest. Shame. No matter what Naruto said, or even Sakura… there were some things he could not forgive himself for. “I am not keeping her waiting anymore. Not since I returned to the village.”

“Yeah, of course,” Naruto nodded, rolling his eyes. “After you disappeared for a couple years to redeem yourself or whatever.”

“That was important to me,” Sasuke said stiffly. 

“I know, Sasuke,” and when Sasuke met his blue gaze, he believed him. “But you are important to her. She deserves three little words from you, at least.”

Sasuke sighed before glancing behind him to see the sun just beginning to set. “I’m leaving. Don’t bother coming to the training grounds tomorrow.”

“I got a mission anyway, asshole. Staying with Sakura, eh?” Naruto waggled his brows again and Sasuke left with a huff. He walked through the village’s main path from Ichiraku for a few moments. When he knew the dobe couldn’t see him anymore in the crowd, he shunshined to the hospital’s entrance. 

~

Sasuke didn’t care to think about how he arrived nearly a half hour before Sakura’s shift ended. When she exited the large doors, her lab coat swung over one arm and a bag filled to the brim with paperwork, his chest felt lighter.

He watched her as she approached, gazing at her face even as she came to stand directly in front of him. His lip quirked when her gaze darted away bashfully for a moment, before his eyes were met with veridian again. 

“I hope you didn’t wait long, I had to finish up a few things,” she said quietly.

Sasuke just shook his head before reaching to take her bag and beginning to walk in the direction of her apartment. He ignored her weak protests and slowed his pace so she could walk beside him.

Her presence was a comfort. One that he was glad that he had stopped denying himself, after all this time. Sakura walked slowly, and based on her lack of conversation, he knew she was tired.

Sasuke glanced down at her face, noticing the sleepiness in her features and briefly wondered if she would be up for the...activities he had anticipated for the night. 

The thought quickly dissipated and he nearly smirked. Though he would be fine simply enjoying her company for the night, he knew that she rarely was too tired to indulge in the more intimate ways they so thoroughly enjoyed each other. 

“Should we grab something to eat before we get back to my place?” Sakura asked, somewhat hesitantly. Sasuke nodded and she veered left into the commonplace, meandering to the least crowded kiosk that they both knew offered the quickest food options.

Sasuke hung back while she made an order, trusting her to pick something edible for him as well. He wasn’t very picky when it came to meals. Knowing her, she would find something with tomatoes, because she knew him well.

He enjoyed gazing at her like this, from afar when she didn’t notice. His eyes roamed over the silken, pink hair that hung just below her shoulder blades. Her profile was fine, a small button nose and high cheekbones, usually dusted with a pink slightly darker than her hair. He watched her dainty hands as she handed her payment to the kiosk owner, so fragile looking, but littered with small scars and marks that belayed the strength they possessed. 

Strength enough to break mountains, and to fix a broken man’s heart.

She skipped back to him, food in tow. They once again began their trek to her home.

“I’m glad we picked up something,” Sakura sighed as they entered her doorway, kicking off her sandals haphazardly and padding barefoot to sink onto the floor in the living room. “I’m _starving_ , but too tired to cook anything.”

“Next time I’ll bring dinner with me,” Sasuke replied, placing his own sandals neatly by the entryway, and straightening hers beside them.

“No, it’s fine,” she waved him off, beginning to remove the takeout from the bag. “You don’t have to keep buying me food.”

“Hn,” he did not humor her with more of a response. They both knew he would continue to do so.

“How did training go with Naruto?” she asked, beginning to dig into her meal, blowing on the steaming food briefly. Sasuke openly stared at her mouth as she chewed, but she either did not notice or chose not to comment.

“Fine,” he said. He took a moment to try his own meal-- it did indeed have tomatoes-- before continuing, “Just taijutsu today. I beat Naruto’s ass.”

Sakura threw her head back and laughed, and Sasuke gave her a quick smile. Her mirth spoke to something in his blood. It was soothing and exciting all at once.

“Well, at least neither of you ended up in the hospital,” she sighed, finishing another bite. “I had a full plate today as it was.”

“I think Hinata healed him,” Sasuke informed her. “I told him not to bother you.”

“You didn’t need to do that, it _is_ my job to heal people,” she rolled her eyes. She scooped the last bit of her food into her mouth, setting her container down to reach for her bottled water and taking a long pull.

Sasuke didn’t taste the last bit of his own meal as he watched a droplet of water slip from the corner of her lips, down her throat to disappear under her buttoned blouse.

“Hn. He did get me in my back,” Sasuke mentioned, watching as she bashfully wiped at her mouth and neck. “It’s just a bruise, maybe you can take a look at it tomorrow, since you’re so eager to heal.”

Sakura stuck her tongue out at him for his teasing before saying, “No need to wait, I’ll look at it now. Remove your shirt please.”

Sasuke was good at pretending her professional tone didn’t cause heat to build in his lower belly. He did as she asked, turning his back to her as she walked on her knees to settle behind him.

“Ouch. That’s a nasty one, you should have come in during my shift,” she chided, pressing her hand gently to his back. Her cooling chakra sank deep into the muscle, soothing the residual soreness. Her fingers were soft on his skin, and he could smell her shampoo.

“Hn. Thank you, Sakura,” he said in a low voice. He could feel the heat of her, and the whisper of her breath on the back of his neck. 

He turned slightly when she pulled away. She opened her mouth, likely to chide him, and he caught her lips with his, using his lone arm to pull her around to settle in his lap. 

She squealed quietly in surprise and he smiled a bit against her lips before slipping his tongue into her mouth. She tasted of takeout and warm sunshine, and as her hands came up to grasp his shoulders, he felt the heat in his center build.

He pulled away from her lips reluctantly to stare into her face, murmuring, “Remove your shirt, please.”

Sakura shivered and blushed, but she held his gaze as she followed his instruction. He palmed her face bringing her in for another kiss before lowering his hand to work at her bindings. She gasped against his mouth when his hand found a bare breast, kneading it gently.

Sasuke pulled away once more to trace her jawline with his lips, making his way down to the center of her chest before lifting his head to meet her gaze again.

“Let’s go to bed,” he breathed and she nodded, rising swiftly. He would have taken her there on the floor--anywhere, really-- but he wanted her to be able to rest immediately after. 

Sakura led them to her room and Sasuke did not let them get further than the threshold before he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her flush against him once again. He combed his fingers through her hair, drinking in the soft moan that spilled from her lips in response. He walked her backwards until her knees met the bed and pushed her down gently with his hand between her breasts. 

Sasuke did not stop pressing forward until Sakura’s back met the bed, and he began kissing down her chest, in between her breasts, over her ribs and to the waistband of her pants. He nipped at the flesh of her hip and delighted in the sharp gasp that slipped from her mouth; When her hips raised eagerly off the bed, Sasuke gladly took the chance to relieve her of her pants and her underwear.

He kissed his way up her body to explore her mouth again, her exhales and sighs filling his lungs better than his own breath ever had. As he slanted his mouth over hers, he could feel the tightening of his pants as the feel of her body, the taste of her lips spread heat through his core. 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura breathed, turning her face away from his. She whined quietly, fingers digging into his waist, “touch me.” 

Sasuke stole one more kiss from her mouth before kissing a path down her body once again, pausing to nibble, to suck on her heated flesh. He enjoyed the gasps and moans he received in response.

He sank to his knees and pulled his lover closer to the edge of the bed, parting her thighs slowly. He allowed her legs to swing over his shoulders as he used the tips of his fingers to part her pink folds, gazing at the wetness that gathered and spread with the movements of his digits. When he planted a reverent kiss where her thigh and her core met, she sighed deeply. No longer able to resist, he laved at her folds slowly, paying close attention to the pearly nub that peaked out among them. 

Sakura tasted like how the world looked when Sasuke activates his Sharingan. If he closed his eyes, he could see quivering buds blooming into pastel-colored blossoms, shiny blades of grass swaying in a gentle summer breeze, pinks and greens and blush reds that signified spring, summer, life. He drank from her like a man who had been starving, and before Sakura, he had. Loving her like this, Sasuke wonderdered how he ever withstood the hunger.

Sakura’s fingers bunched in his hair and her hips raised, seeking his tongue and his lips, chasing her pleasure as she moaned and cried out above him. Some of her sounds were frighteningly close to sobs, but Sasuke had heard enough of hers to know the difference. Still, he chased her pleasure with her, working his mouth, using his hand on her, inside to guide her to the peak. He hungered for the sound of her sharp cries to elongate into the guttural moans of her release.

 _This is redemption_. Bringing Sakura pleasure instead of pain, tears of joy and completion rather than bitterness and sadness soothed the guilt that still twisted around his ribcage, if just a little. He worshipped her body with his, as if only she could redeem him and pull him from the darkness he had been running away from and into all of his life. Perhaps because in his heart, only she could.

He moaned into her when his name spilled from her lips, her body stiffening and then roiling languidly as she reached her climax, blessing and curses mingling on her lips. Sasuke moved up her body, claiming her lips again, for the pleasure of tasting her, tasting herself. As she quivered from the aftershocks of her orgasm, he slowly sank two fingers into her warmth, reaching deep inside before withdrawing slowly, slowly, feeling every ridge and ripple of her slick and pulsing walls. He repeated the motion, setting a steady, lazy rhythm and kissing down her neck to hear her moans. 

“ _Sasuke-kun_ ,” Sakura whimpered. Sasuke maintained the slow thrusting of his fingers, trailing his tongue around the shell of her ear.

“Tell me what you need,” he whispered, enjoying the way she shook against him. 

“Please,” she breathed, “faster.”

Sasuke sped up the pace of his fingers and increased the depth of his movements, watching intently as Sakura’s mouth gaped open, and she threw her head back. Her eyes shut and he wished she would open them, so he might see the green of them while he took her over the edge again.

“Sakura,” he murmured, “Look at me.”

It took her a few tries to open her eyes and keep them open, but she eventually met his gaze, a gasp ripping from her throat when he curled his fingers slightly inside of her and quickened his pace once more. He stared deeply into her eyes, studying her expression, how her brows furrowed and her mouth gaped. Sasuke moaned with her as her eyelids fluttered convulsively, but she held his gaze nonetheless. Then her features froze, lips parted and eyes wide the moment she fell over the edge into ecstasy and Sasuke had never seen anything so beautiful. 

“That’s it,” he muttered, slowing his fingers as she rode out the last leg of her orgasm.

“Sasuke-kun,” she panted, swallowing thickly and gripping his face with a small hand. “I want you.”

He smiled then, fully, an expression reserved for here, for her. Hearing, seeing, _feeling her_ wanting him ignited fire in his chest. A child born into a clan like his was destined to enjoy a love that burned, so hot that it could have been painful had he not spent so many years so cold. In moments like this, he could feel the warmth from the top of his head down to his toes, and he thanked whatever gods that existed that he was finally able to experience what love is.

Sakura watched him with lazy eyes as he disrobed. They shone green, burning into him like a warm kiss, and he did not take his eyes off of hers as he bared himself to her. Sasuke could see love in her eyes as she drank in his face, the expanse of his chest, the jutting arousal standing proudly between his legs. He wouldn’t hide from her even if he was capable of feeling shy-- she deserved this, to gaze at him all she wanted after the separation he forced upon them for all that time.

Sasuke stood still and watched her as she slowly sat up and made her way to the foot of her bed. Her gaze moved away from his face as she reached for his arousal with dainty fingers, the other hand splaying across his chest. His breath came out in a large exhale when she tightened her grip about him. He brought her face up to gaze upon her features again before claiming her mouth with his. They didn’t break their kiss as he guided her backwards until she lay comfortably against the pillows, spreading her legs wide to allow him to fit in between. He aligned himself with her entrance, dipping only the very tip of him inside and watching her face closely to gauge her reaction, her readiness.

She moaned deeply and rolled her hips, saying, “Sasuke-kun,” and he understood. 

When he sank into her depths until he could go no deeper, he wondered if he would ever grow accustomed to the otherworldly sensation. 

Sasuke made love to Sakura slowly, pouring into her with his whole body and sipping her cries and moans like nectar from her petal-like lips. He pressed her close to him as she fell apart, glad to finally be in a position to put her back together again with a roll of his hips _like so_ , and by planting a kiss _just there_ . He breathed praises into her ear, pressed them into her flesh with his lips and tongue. _Beautiful_ , he kissed. _So good_ , he licked.

“Sasuke-kun,” she sobbed, “I-” _love you_ , is what she didn’t say. But he didn’t mind that pleasure choked off her words, because he knew. He saw and he felt it when she wrapped arms and legs around him as if she wanted to fuse them together for eternity.

He wanted that, too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura and Sasuke meet in battle. Of skill and will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii. Thank you everyone who commented/gave kudos based on the first chapter. The response has been so nice, and I appreciate you all for reading my little writing thingy T_T. I had this chapter written already, so I figured I'd just go ahead and post now, sooner than I'd planned. I hope you all enjoy it and continue to enjoy the story!

Sakura sighed into her pillow tiredly, moaning quietly when Sasuke slipped out of her body. They did not move from the position they laid in, Sasuke snug against her back with his only arm locked around her waist. It took her a couple moments before she could move her leg away from its position, swung over his muscular hip.

His fingers danced over the area under her breasts as he pulled his hand back slowly, reaching up to brush away the hair sticking to her damp shoulder.

Sakura tried to calm the thumping of her heart as they rested there, the only sound in the silence of the room was their still-quickened breaths. If she had to guess, she was sure it was nearly midnight by now. It seemed like days since Sasuke had walked her home and they had eaten dinner, hours of passion and short rests blurring together in her exhausted mind. She and Sasuke had joined bodies more times than she could count and she felt raw, and tender in the best and worst of ways.

It was dangerous, this feeling. It made her vulnerable, her tongue loose and mind muddled. So bliss-drunk that she could imagine this being a forever thing, this love being more than just between bodies. 

“Sakura,” Sasuke broke the silence with his rich baritone and her heart thumped loud behind her ribs. “Do you want me to draw you a bath?”

“No, it’s okay,” she replied, her voice quiet. She stared blankly at the nightstand beside her bed and dared not speak above a whisper. Lest her heart take hold of her tongue. “I think we both need a shower.”

“Hn,” Sasuke hummed. She felt him press his face into her hair and inhale deeply. The hand resting on her shoulder tightened momentarily before stroking down the side of her waist. 

Sakura closed her eyes tightly.

“Do you want me to stay tonight?” Sasuke asked, and Sakura clenched her jaw.

_ Not just tonight _ .

“Yes,” she said, because the flesh was weak and her love made her weaker. “You can shower first, too.”

Sasuke hummed again, finally moving away from her body and her head felt clearer for the space as he stood from the bed. She rolled to peer at him.

He lingered, staring at her nearly long enough to make her blush before he spoke, “We can shower together.”

Sakura did blush now, because she knew  _ intimately _ what that entailed from a few rare occasions, “I don’t think I’m awake enough to go again.”

Sasuke smirked, shaking his head. His smile was enough to almost bring tears to her eyes and she  _ ached _ . “Just shower.”

Sasuke only blinked at her when she narrowed her eyes, hesitant. Eventually her exhaustion spoke over her good sense, because she was far too tired to stay up longer than necessary for Sasuke to bathe himself first.

“Fine,” she sighed, peeling herself from the bed and padding lazily toward her bathroom. She didn’t glance back to see if Sasuke was following her, simply turning the knob and stepping under the water, letting it run over her face, through her tangled mess of hair.

Sakura stood there for several minutes soaking, her mind struggling to relate the plan to bathe to her limbs before Sasuke stepped in behind her. 

“I changed the bedding,” he said softly, and she muttered what she hoped was some kind of thanks. 

She hazily reached for her cloth and body wash, her body feeling weighed down from her shift at the hospital and the aftermath of a night with the man she loved. When she had lathered the towel, though, it was plucked from her grasp and she felt the warmth of Sasuke pressing behind her.

Sakura wasn’t able to speak when Sasuke began to wash her body, simply freezing in place. She exhaled eventually, as he went about his tender,  _ gentle _ ministrations. He moved the soapy towel in small circles, starting at the base of her neck, over her chest to her waist, her hips and then around to her back. He moved her side to side gently to wash the entire length of her arms (including the underarms). 

He worked in a silence she dared not break. It was heavy enough, with the thoughts and memories and feelings swelling like a late night tide through her chest. She swallowed thickly when he turned her to face him, moving the washcloth down, across her lower abdomen, between her thighs. And he went lower still, kneeling to reach below her knees to her ankles, nudging her to lift her feet and weaving through her toes. 

When he rose, Sasuke met her eyes as he gently pushed her under the spray of water, rinsing away the soap and the grime and what Sakura was sure was the last bit of resolve left in her body. He reached for the shampoo and she was glad for the opportunity to give him her back, to close her eyes and tilt her face toward the cascading water, allowing the tears slipping through her lids to mix in.

She nearly fell asleep as he massaged the shampoo through her hair, more thoroughly than she had  _ ever _ done, but managed to stay awake enough to rinse the lather away as he methodically cleaned his own body. A strong arm reached over her shoulder to turn off the tap, and she stepped out, drying quickly and went about searching for sleeping clothes for her and her guest.

She handed him a shirt that was probably Naruto’s, and pants that might have been his own. The silence persisted as they dressed and she turned to her neatly made bed, the blankets already folded back.

Perhaps the silence would have felt awkward or daunting, but loving a man like Sasuke made one acquire a taste for such expanses of time without sound. 

Sakura tried not to think too hard about how Sasuke pressed flush against her as she began to fall asleep. Her last thought was an aside, payable to her fluttering heart when his arm tightened around her waist, and lips pressed softly against the crown of her head.

_ I love you, Sasuke-kun _ .

~

Sakura fully expected to wake up the next morning to an empty bed. Instead, she opened her eyes to a finger tapping her cheek. Sasuke was standing beside her bed, staring down at her.

“Get up,” he said, removing his hand once her eyes had been pried fully open. “I made breakfast.”

He pivoted and exited the room after that, and Sakura could only yawn confusedly. She rose from her bed dazedly and stumbled to her bathroom to brush her teeth, wondering what brand of fuck buddy stayed the night  _ and _ cooked breakfast the morning after.

She threw the thought aside with a mental shrug. Nothing was normal when Sasuke Uchiha was involved. And despite it all, she was his teammate and probably his friend. It wasn’t a stretch to think he genuinely cared for her.

Too bad it wasn’t enough.

She sighed at the visage of a love-hungry woman who had resigned at the yong age of twenty, decided to perpetually settle for less. Sakura rinsed her mouth and turned away before the woman staring back with bright green eyes began to look too much like her.

Sakura entered her small kitchen to see Sasuke seated at her table, and she allowed herself to eye the expanse of his shoulders and his still sleep-mussed hair. His dark locks stuck up in the back, in such a way that it made her nostalgic, remembering a much smaller, angrier person than the man sitting in her modest eating area now.

“Thank you for cooking, Sasuke-kun,” she said around a small yawn, passing by him to take a seat herself. “Smells good. I’m  _ starving _ .”

“I bet you are,” he said, stoic as always. It took Sakura a long moment before her eyes shot up to his face and caught the slightest of smirks.

She could feel pink rising to her cheeks. “I definitely am. Yesterday was...long.”

She peeked at him through her lashes and inwardly cheered when he cleared his throat and redirected his attention to the food laid out before them. “Eat.”

“Bossy,” she teased, clasping her hands in front of her briefly. “Itadakimasu.”

It was a simple meal of egg with rice, and she smiled to herself when she saw some tomato sliced on a small plate to accompany the meal. Sasuke was a better cook than she had realized, but she supposed years of traveling alone would force one to learn.

There were too many implications to think of as she shared a morning meal with the man she had spent all night having sex with, so she chose to break the otherwise comfortable silence.

“Sasuke-kun,” she called. His eyes shot to hers immediately, and his apt attention would have startled her had she not known Sasuke all this time. When he  _ wanted _ to listen to something, he would definitely pay attention. Intensely so.

“Sakura?” he prompted, raising a dark, fine brow. 

“What do you have planned for the day?” she asked, shoveling another bite of rice into her mouth. She chewed and swallowed. “I heard Naruto has a mission.”

Sasuke shrugged, finishing his own bite before answering, “Nothing.”

Sakura chuckled at this. Always a man of such few words.

“When do you start your shift at the hospital?”

Sakura shook her head with a smile, “I don’t. I took the day off.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, “Did you take it, or did Tsunade force you?”

“Shut up,” she quipped. Sasuke scoffed good-naturedly, and when she looked up he was smirking at her with mirth in his eyes.

They settled into silence as they finished up their meal. Just as Sakura rose with a long stretch, Sasuke spoke, “We should train.”

Sakura dropped her arms and drooped slightly. “Training? Don’t you ever, I don’t know… lay around?”

Sasuke rose from his seat as well, and rested his hand on his hip. “If you don’t think you’re up for it, just say so.”

It was said casually, almost disinterested. But Sakura knew a challenge from the Uchiha when she heard one. And although she knew that  _ he _ knew she was no longer a weakling, she still bristled at the implications of his teasing.

“I’ll get dressed. Meet me at training grounds 3.”

~

Sakura slipped her black gloves on and tied her hair back in a high, tight bun before dropping into a deep stretch. 

“What are the rules?” Sasuke asked, doing his own stretches beside her. 

“Taijutsu only,” she said. “I’m not in the mood for your fancy tricks today.”

The man had nerve enough to give a short laugh despite her glare. If she wasn’t prepping for battle, she might have swooned a bit. 

“Sharingan?” he questioned.

It was Saskura’s turn to smirk and she rose from her stretch and looked at his from over her shoulder. “Only if it makes you feel safer.”

She saw his jaw twitch in her peripheral, and she could feel anticipation buzzing through the marrow of her bones. Sasuke was one of the two best shinobi in the village-- arguably the best of their generation. With or without his bloodline talent, he was a force to reckon with.

Teammate or not, it was an honor to spar with him. Not many could rise to the challenge and fewer would be invited to. She would give both her hands and possibly a foot before she admitted such things aloud, though.

“Let’s begin,” Sasuke said, sinking into his starting stance. 

As she took her own position, she couldn’t help feeling a pang of nostalgia at seeing the familiar wood posts behind him on this legendary training ground. This was where it all started. 

“I hope you’re ready, Sasuke-kun,” she taunted, eyeing his form. The wheels in her head turned as they tried to plan her first move. 

Sasuke favored his right foot, and held his right arm horizontally in front of his torso, tilted so his left side was farthest from her as they faced each other. It was so familiar, the way he stood. Almost the same as when they were genin, before the war. His left side was always the weaker one.

The pair stared at each other in tense silence, neither one moving a single muscle as they searched for weaknesses in the others’ defense. Sakura flitted her gaze over his body, seeking the first spot she’d target. She knew she would have to figure something out and make the first move  _ fast _ .

It was not wise to find yourself on the defense when going up against the last Uchiha.

Haruno Sakura was a master of few things-- those included medical ninjutsu and observing Uchiha Sasuke. So, when she saw his muscles tense she darted forward at full speed, springing herself in the air and falling toward him with a chakra-coated fist. 

Sakura was no fool. She knew there was no way he would be unable to evade such an obvious assault. Sasuke was faster, and a more skilled shinobi. Even without the aid of his sharingan, he had an uncanny ability to anticipate his enemies’ movements.

She was well aware the attack would not connect, but when he dodged as she predicted he would, to the right  _ of course _ , Sakura used the fist that slammed into the ground to brace herself as she swung her leg around to meet Sasuke’s retreating figure. Using the velocity of his own speed and the force of her assault, she managed to knock him away with such force his back slammed into the ground and he slid several feet.

She flipped to her feet and he righted himself immediately, taking his stance again, his eyes flitting over her form cautiously. 

Sasuke was far more skilled than she. But Sakura was  _ smart _ and that was enough to level the playing ground, if just a little. 

After sizing each other up for a moment, they both sprang forward, meeting each other head-on in a series of kicks, jabs and punches. If not for the distant ache of a forming bruise when Sasuke landed a hit or the strain of her muscles as she twisted her body to avoid his blows, it would have felt like a dance.

Their bodies weaved around, over, through each other with a frustrating synchronicity. Close up like this, it was more difficult for Sakura to create the space for her attacks that relied on blunt, heavy force. Sasuke’s speed did little against Sakura’s agility, and it was difficult for him to use her weight against her. 

Despite her years of training and stockpiling of chakra, Sakura knew her reserves were miniscule in comparison to Sasuke. She managed to land a hard kick to his abdomen, throwing him back and she stomped her foot, causing a ripple in the earth and a large crack to form between the two shinobi. 

Sakura prepared to drive her fist into the ground again, but was forced to dodge a shuriken as it whizzed toward her, flying so close to her that it managed to knick the high point of her cheekbone. 

She changed tactics, weaving a handful of shuriken between the fingers of one hand, and looping a series of kunai over the fingers of another.

She  _ ran _ because she anticipated the downpour of shuriken that flew toward her from seemingly every direction. She could only hope the asshole hadn’t wired any, because she was too worried about avoiding being shredded to think about being trapped and immobilized.

As Sasuke flung another storm of sharp objects, she tactfully chose not to avoid one, gasping slightly as it sliced into her side. Doing so, she was able to continue her ascent toward him, tossing her own weapons his way, following up with a move taught to her by Rock Lee. She twirled with as much speed as she could manage, drilling into Sasuke as she came down, forcing both of them down to the ground with a crash.

And so the frenzied dance continued, kata and formal training thrown to the wind. They grappled on the ground, Sasuke nearly overcoming her at times with his reach, but being thrown off and overcome by her superior strength. They hissed and grunted, swiping at each other and twisting their bodies around the other’s so intimately that Sakura momentarily wondered if this was even still a spar anymore, or something even more carnal.

The thought was immediately cut short when somewhere among the tangle of limbs, she felt something sharp knick the flesh of her hip. She growled, rearing back and shoving her feet into Sasuke’s abdomen, sending him skidding several feet away. Sakura scrambled to her feet with an angry huff, sizing up her opponent as he crouched low, dark eyes watching her calculatingly.

For all the  _ honor _ associated with his name, Sasuke fought dirty. Like Kakashi did. He feinted and falsified weaknesses only to trick her into taking an opening while he jabbed into a sensitive area, or snuck a kunai to knick at a tender spot of flesh.

Sasuke ran at her again, somehow even faster than when their sparring began. Sakura was panting as she blocked jabs and her fists flew into any openings she could find. She was stuck playing defense now, avoiding an elbow and swift kicks at her calves and ankles. Sasuke was faster, but she had watched him fight many times and despite the speed and unpredictability of his movements, after taking a few hits she began to notice a pattern.

She bared her teeth in a grin. Sasuke Uchiha put the majority of his effort in battle to protect his face. An Uchiha’s greatest strength was their eyes. 

Sakura had no name to honor, and her past weakness made her learn to be unscrupulous before she could be talented. She utilized her chakra enhanced strength, pressing him into a divet in the broken ground, trapping his sole arm beneath him to slug him in the jaw,  _ hard _ . He hissed and retaliated by shoving a knee into her stomach, forcing her to back away. She retreated from him as far as she could, scooping up a handful of earth and lobbing it at his face as he approached. 

Sasuke cursed and shut his eyes, his arm still swinging toward her and she hissed in delight.  _ Got him _ . 

She dodged the blow and as Sasuke, blinded, lost his footing, she vaulted herself over him, clasping strong legs around his neck and slamming him to the ground with so much force she was sure someone nearby could feel the ground shake.

“Don’t hold back,” she bit out, tightening her legs around his neck and trying to grab hold of his arm as he tried to pry her away.

“I’m not,” Sasuke growled, his hand shooting out over his head to catch her shoulder, throwing them around and causing Sakura’s face to slam against the ground, the force knocking the wind out of her momentarily.

Her legs  _ barely _ slackened their grip and he managed to rip them away, using the momentum to swing her around and toss her toward the tree line. She barely managed to tuck and roll, clambering to her feet just as he got in her space again.

Sakura knew the battle was lost, as she became winded and her movements became slow. She fought to the bitter end, though, landing a few more hits and sneaking a handful of swift kicks before Sasuke managed to tackle her to the ground, with a knee pressing into her chest.

And although this was expected, maybe even inevitable when going toe to toe with a shinobi god, her competitive spirit was restless and uneasy. She lost. And for the first time in a long time, she had to face the fact that no matter how far she’d come, she would never stand equal among her team.

So she looked up into Sasuke’s face to accept her defeat, and her heart skipped a beat. She stared into his burning irises, ignoring the sweat upon his brow and the dirt and grime smeared across his face. 

Lavender and crimson. Intricate tomoe spinning as he stared down at her. Sakura felt a grin spread across her scratched and bruised cheeks.

Haruno Sakura, daughter of civilians, with no clan, no name, no honor and no bloodline stood toe to toe with the last Uchiha, the strongest shinobi of her time. 

And he had to activate his infamous dojutsu to win.

~

Sakura wasn’t sure how long they’d been laying there in the middle of the ransacked training ground. What she did know is that they were both out of breath and now that the adrenaline had faded, her body ached with exertion and some minor injuries.

She couldn’t help giggling though, as she glanced over at Sasuke, who, once she had yielded, had flopped on his back beside her. Sakura was buzzing with excitement with the knowledge that he had used his sharingan in a fight with  _ her _ .

“Why are you laughing?” Sasuke asked, still panting like she was. This made her giggle more. “You lost.”

“I did lose,” she sighed, sitting up slowly. It was second nature to run a chakra coated palm over the small cuts on her sides and forearms. “ _ But _ , I put up one hell of a fight.”

“You did,” he responded. There was nothing particularly admiring in his tone, but it made her heart flutter nonetheless. 

Sakura didn’t respond, simply humming quietly and ducking her head down and focusing on the bruises forming on her thigh and calf.

When she peeked up, Sasuke had also sat up on the ground, and he was peering at her oddly. 

“What?” she asked. She shifted to her knees, shuffling over to place her healing hands on his injuries. He made no move to push her away.

“You act as if you’re surprised,” he said quietly. Her hands paused over his ribs for a moment before she resumed her perusal of his injuries.

“Surprised?” she asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. 

“That it was a fair fight,” he responded, turning his head slightly to catch her gaze. “You’re a neo-Sannin.”

“Oh,” she mumbled, hurrying to avert her gaze. “I was more shocked you ended up using your sharingan.”

A grin took her lips again.

Sasuke rolled his eyes in her peripheral, “You shouldn’t be so shocked. If I hadn’t, I might have lost.”

Sakura paused in her movements, then, and her eyes shot up to find his. 

“Please,” she scoffed. “As if I could beat you.”

“You’re a powerful shinobi,” he replied. Her shoulder lifted slightly with a shrug. “I’m sure you could.”

Sakura could only stare. She remembered a little girl, with short pink hair and big green eyes whose main goal in life was to have a beautiful boy who had seen too much and showed too little, acknowledge her. A part of her that she thought was long forgotten was suddenly warm and full to bursting. 

“It means a lot,” she finally whispered, her throat embarrassingly tight, “especially coming from you.”

And that second part sounded like very little, but it was raw with the sort of honesty Sakura tried to curb and filter out these days. Because many people had acknowledged her over the years, her friends, her sensei even… but it was Sasuke’s recognition and casual compliments that made her feel so giddy and proud. It made her feel  _ good _ to know that he noticed her, watched her, possibly even admired the strength she’d beaten into a body that no one believed would ever be able to withstand such treatment. 

A civilian girl placed in a team with three terrifying shinobi, godlike and untouchable in their own ways was supposed to be a story that ended in tragedy and disaster. Sakura, as ditzy and capricious a child she was, was never unaware of the whispers. The heirs to clans called her kunai target, the chunin stationed at the gates called her enemy bait. She was well aware that the missions she made it home from were missions in which luck was on her side.

Sakura knew strength, now, but she distinctly remembered the texture of weakness. Of shaking limbs and quivering muscles, when her body knew before her mind that she was in grave danger and it was ill-equipped to protect her from it. In many ways, Sakura’s childhood was like a nightmare, the kind where you ran and ran but never seemed able to reach what you were aiming for. And what you were running to, moved further away. The firm and helpful hands of Tsunade, her blood and sweat and tears eventually turned into the fuel that allowed her to sprint forward to make up the distance.

And as Sakura, a civilian girl turned elite shinobi stared into the dark eyes gazing back at her, she wondered if she was still running yet. 

Sasuke’s gaze did not waver when he broke the silence, “Everyone knows you’re one of the strongest shinobi of our generation.”

“Not as strong as you and Naruto,” she replied, kneejerk. She immediately regretted it when he raised a dark brow.

_ Sounds like you’re fishing for compliments. _

“Hn,” he grunted quietly, finally looking away. “My ribs would say differently.”

“Oh, oops!” she gasped, hurriedly reaching for his side again. “Let me heal those up for you.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly. She distantly felt his gaze on her again, but she focused on her task, lifting his shirt to soothe and repair his bruised and slightly cracked ribs. 

His subtle praises cycled on a loop in her mind. 

Sasuke and Sakura meandered through the village side-by-side, searching for something quick and filling to eat. Sakura preferred to grab take-out so she wouldn’t be seen at a restaurant covered in grime and traces of blood from their sparring session.

He heard her giggle quietly for the millionth time and rolled his eyes.

“It can’t possibly be that funny,” Sasuke sighed. Sakura began laughing in earnest.

“It  _ is _ ,” she gasped between cackles. “Your face is  _ literally  _ covered in dirt.”

“Yours too,” he quipped. This only made her laugh harder, and he would have smiled at the sound of it were she not being so  _ annoying _ .

She snickered, “Not like yours.”

“It wouldn’t be there if you hadn’t tossed it at my face,” he replied. She laughed harder, and he couldn’t help the small smile that took his lips briefly.

“Blame Kakashi, it was a dirty trick he taught me,” she sighed, once her laughs died down a little.

Sasuke could only scoff, because of  _ course _ she picked it up from their lazy former sensei. “Figures.”

She grinned, skipping her way in front of him, walking backward with her hands crossed behind her back. It reminded him of when they were genin, and his chest tightened for a moment. Those green eyes hadn’t changed, gazing at him with mirth and so sweetly.

“You know some of his tricks too, I could tell,” she narrowed her eyes playfully and he was careful to maintain a straight face. “Some  _ honorable _ shinobi you are, with your sneaky kunai usage.”

Sasuke snorted, “I’ve been called many things.  _ Honorable _ isn’t one of them.” 

Silence settled over them for several moments after that. A quick side glance at Sakura showed that she looked deep in thought, her brows furrowed slightly.

It wasn’t until they reached the restaurant that she swept past him with a whisper, “You have more honor than most.”

He could not muster a reply. He ordered and paid for their food distractedly, listening to her chatter thoughtfully the entire walk back to her apartment.

They showered separately this time, much to Sasuke’s dissatisfaction. Empty takeout containers were piled neatly on Sakura’s small table, and Sasuke stared at her, tapping his fingers agitatedly as the pink-haired woman in front of him keeled over with laughter.

“Sasuke-kun,” she gasped, wiping a tear from her eye, “you’re telling me you got beat up by a  _ civilian _ ?”

He rolled his eyes, “I did not get beat up, I was caught unawares and inebriated and sucker-punched by a civilian.”

Sakura guffawed, and Sasuke barely resisted the urge to simply exit the apartment and  _ slam _ the door behind him.

“I would have never told you if I knew this would be the reaction,” he said dryly, eyeing her slumped over form. He hadn’t been this irritated with Sakura since they were genin.

“It’s  _ funny _ ,” she snorted, tipping her head back with a big, belly laugh. “You’re Uchiha-fucking-Sasuke. Punched in the face by a  _ civilian _ , not even one from a shinobi village! Have you told Naruto?”

“No,” Sasuke grit out. He hated that the sound of her laughter was so pleasing to his ears because right now his pride  _ hated _ it.

“I’m telling Naruto,” she cried. 

“You are  _ not _ ,” he said, in his coldest voice. Most would be intimidated, but Haruno Sakura was not.

“I am so telling,” she giggled, standing to rid the eating space of their waste. She stood at the counter to wash her hands and he could still see her shoulders shaking with mirth.

Sasuke stood quietly and approached her, pressing flush against her back and dipping his face close to her ear.

“I would advise against that,” he muttered. She froze momentarily, before slowly finishing the process of drying her hands.

“And if I don’t listen?” she responded quietly, resting her hands on the edge of the counter, and looking over her shoulder with a raised brow.

He smirked, leaning in to press his lips against her neck as a response. She tipped her head to the side to give him more access, her hair slightly damp hair spilling over her shoulder. 

“Don’t you have other things to do today?” she asked, somewhat breathlessly, as his hand gripped her hip and his lips trailed down her neck to where it met her shoulder.

“Nothing better than this,” he flicked the area with the tip of his tongue and she sighed. 

“I wonder what Naruto will think,” Sakura’s voice was nonchalant despite the slight quickening of her breaths, “when I tell him about the civilian who beat you up. He might just tell the whole village.”

“Good thing he won’t find out,” Sasuke replied, bringing his hand up to grasp a handful of silken pink hair, tugging it firmly so Sakura’s head pressed against his chest. 

She looked up at him, “Won’t he?”

Sasuke let go of her hair to spin her around before crashing his lips to hers. Unlike the sweetness of the night before, they kissed fiercely, nipping and tugging at each other’s lips. His hand trailed down to grip and knead a soft breast before continuing its descent to press firmly between her thighs. 

Sakura’s hips rocked against his palm and she gasped quietly against his mouth. He pulled away from their kiss with a grin, peppering kisses on her neck again as he stroked her over her thin lounge shorts. It did not take long for her to elicit a frustrated moan, gyrating her hips against him more quickly, seeking further friction as he nibbled at her ear and kissed along her jaw.

“Stop fucking teasing,” she gasped when he slipped a finger beneath the hem of her shorts for a moment, barely brushing against her wetness before removing his hand completely.

“Why should I?” Sasuke asked, reaching up to run the pad of his finger over an erect nipple and leaning to kiss her deeply again.

Sakura moaned into his mouth before snatching her head back and leveling him with a fierce glare.

“You aren’t going to play games like this,” she all but growled, fisting a hand in his shirt.

“Won’t I?” he raised a brow, smirking when her eyes narrowed. He did not wait for a response before he took her lips again.

He took his time, massaging her with firm but brief, and sometimes barely-there touches. He snatched her shorts down to run his finger along her wet folds, dancing around the pearly nub calling for his attention. It felt almost like the adrenaline of battle, seeing her become unsteady and wild with his ministrations.

Sakura cursed him first, before she begged, gasping her pleasure and frustration as her flesh trembled and her form was held up only by the counter behind her and his torturing hand. She tried to seduce him into action by rolling her body against him, reaching for his arousal with eager hands, but he evaded her advances. Instead, he pressed two fingers deep inside, setting a fast pace that had her clutching at his shirt and seeking purchase on the smooth surface behind her. He watched as her eyes fluttered shut and her head tipped backwards as she hurtled toward her peak, sensitized and on edge from his earlier touches.

Sasuke removed his fingers moments later and she cried out in disappointment, her eyes shooting open to stare at him hazily. Seeing the look on her beautifully flushed face, he knew he could no longer deny her. 

“Turn around,” he instructed and she whimpered before doing so, likely expecting more teasing.

He quickly freed himself from his lower garments and pushed inside her with one deep thrust. Her back arched as she cried out, and he pressed the center of her back, guiding her to press her torso against the counter in front of her before taking a handful of her hair in his grip.

He saw stars in an array of colors as he took her rapidly, reveling in the feel of her wrapped warm and tight around him and soft and supple against him. Their gasps co-mingled with the sound of his hips slamming against her backside, and his name spilled over and over again from her lips. 

Sasuke drew back until the tip of him remained inside her, and halted his movements. He ran his hand down her back, reaching under Sakura’s shirt to press against her heated skin.

“Don’t stop,” she breathed, her voice soft. His hips twitched and it took restraint to not satisfy her needs immediately.

“I won’t,” he reassured, pushing back into her slowly, until he bottomed out deep inside. She rose to her tiptoes as she was forced further against the counter.

“I’m so close,” she whimpered, wriggling against him, trying to induce him to move. 

“Is Naruto going to find out about what I told you today?” he asked, his own breath short and voice tight with his own resistance. He knew that he’d give her what he wanted if she didn’t answer  _ soon _ , because it didn’t sit right in either of his bones to deny her for much longer.

“No,” she shook her head weakly, “just  _ fuck me _ , I won’t say anything.”

Sakura hadn’t finished her promise before Sasuke was pounding into her at a renewed pace. He felt her ripple around him before she called out his name as her climax ripped through her, leaving her clawing for purchase on the counter as Sasuke moved inside of her relentlessly. 

Sakura’s voice trembled and shook with the force of his thrusts as she cried, “ _ Sasuke-kun _ .”

Then he was spending himself inside her, pushed in so deep he was sure that he should be able to feel the air that filled her lungs as she moaned and cried through her second orgasm.

“Sakura,” he groaned, his hips jerking slightly as he leaned down to press against her back, his panting breaths fanning against her pink locks. 

“You suck,” she whined, panting still. “That would have been a  _ funny _ story.”

Sasuke couldn’t contain his shocked chuckle, shaking his head as he tried to catch his breath, the base of his spine still tingling and his body still joined intimately with hers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, our mistakes consume us. And we hide from the ones who know us best.

Sakura awakened in the duskiness of dawn, peeling herself from her empty bed, with a full spirit. She felt rejuvenated, quenched by a full night of sleep and a day to herself outside of the cold white walls of the hospital. With a sigh, she stretched, fingertips reaching for the ceiling. She reveled in the barely-there soreness of her limbs due in equal parts to sparring with Sasuke at the training grounds and...“sparring” again in her kitchen, then again her living room, and finally in her bed. 

Sakura felt as if her grin could illuminate the nearly-dark room, as she shook her head at her thoughts and padded to her bathroom to prepare for her day. 

When she was cleaned and dressed, she sprang briskly over the rooftops of the village toward the hospital, not because she was hurried, but simply to enjoy the view, the damp breeze against her face. 

Her thoughts wondered again as she watched sunrays peek shyly over the vast green forest in the distance. As her eyes gazed upon the reincarnation of daytime, her mind’s eye saw the tilt of Sasuke’s slight smile, the sparkle that appeared in his eye when she managed to amuse him. Sakura wondered, as the sun began lifting further in the sky, which image shone brightest. 

She smiled to herself when she jumped down to the hospital entrance. When she entered, the familiar smell of antiseptic filled her nostrils and she nodded at the nurses and orderlies that greeted her as she walked toward the elevator that would take her to her office. 

“Haruno-san,” a breathless voice called as a flustered medic-nin in training hustled into the elevator just before the doors shut. 

“Good morning, Michi-kun,” Sakura smiled. “How can I help you?” 

“I...was hoping,” the young man swallowed, slipping a finger between his neck and the collar of his shirt nervously. “I-I hoped that I could...shadow you, Haruno-san.” 

Sakura raised her brows curiously, “You’re nearly finished with your residency, Michi-kun, isn’t that right? You will be taking patients on your own, soon.” 

“Yes,” he nodded, eyes flitting to his toes. “But… you are the best medic that this village- _any_ of the villages have ever seen, Haruno-san.” 

“You flatter me,” she chuckled somewhat bashfully. “I learned from the very best, which made me the best I could be.” 

Michi looked into her face then, and the determination in his eyes coupled with the weakness about his mouth made her feel nostalgic. She could remember a young girl with that same look staring into her reflection. 

“That’s why,” he said, his gentle voice tinged with something fierce. “I want to learn from the best, like you did. I know I’ve technically completed my studies but...I am hoping you will take me as your apprentice.” 

Sakura was shocked, and was thankful for their arrival on her floor. She gestured for Michi to exit and tried to gather her thoughts. A mixture of pride and hesitation mixed together in her stomach. 

Sakura may well have been further in her career as both a shinobi and medic-nin than most at her age, but she was still only 20. She wasn’t sure she could in good faith take someone who really could have been her peer under her wing, as Tsunade once did for her. 

“Have a seat, Michi-kun,” she gestured to the chair in front of her desk, setting her belongings and herself down somewhat awkwardly as the young man watched her with hopeful eyes. 

“I promise I will make you proud,” he said suddenly. “I can’t say I will ever become the master medic you are, but...I scored well in my studies, and I believe medic-ninjutsu comes to me naturally. And I want to help people. To save lives, shinobi and civilians. I want to make my family and my village proud.” 

Sakura clasped her hands in front of her and met Michi’s gaze. 

“I will let you shadow me, and work along-side me,” she said, finally, her voice soft. He visibly exhaled and relaxed in his seat and she nearly giggled. “I’m no one’s master yet, but… we can consider this a kind of extended program since you have almost finished your official studies. You’ll be doing your own rotations and taking patients because we need staff but… half of that time will be spent shadowing me, and I will try to teach you my specializations.” 

“Thank you, Haruno-san!” the man in front of her shot up from his seat and bent in a deep bow. “I mean...Haruno-sensei.” 

“Sakura, or Sakura-sensei is just fine,” she smiled, laughing a little when he nodded frantically. “I’m going to do my morning rounds. Please come meet me here at my office around 11:00. I have a surgery scheduled for noon, and I want you to assist.” 

Michi nodded enthusiastically, “Hai, sensei!” before ducking out of her office with a bow. 

Sakura shook her head slightly, sighing deeply as she donned her lab coat and grabbed her clipboard. A whisper of a smile played at her lips, and she felt warm inside as she went about her morning rotations. 

  


By the time her lunchtime came around, Sakura was tired and her good mood ground into dust. The first half of her day was a blur of small injuries, classrooms of children stricken with a contagious chest cold and the surgery she conducted that was half lesson for Michi, half procedure. 

She dragged her feet into her office a good three and a half hours past noon, fully prepared to lock her door and indulge in a thirty-minute nap. Sakura just knew the piles of paperwork on her desk would make a fantastic pillow. 

Upon entering her office, though, she was startled to find Sasuke standing in the room, gazing at her bookshelf. 

“Sasuke-kun,” she gasped, blinking at him as he turned to face her with a small nod of greeting. “What are you doing here? And how’d you get in?” 

“You weren’t here during normal lunchtime to open the window,” he replied, watching her intently as she entered the room fully and shed her white coat. “I came back later and asked at the front desk. An assistant let me in.” 

“Is something wrong?” Sakura asked, worried, approaching him and beginning to run her eyes over his form. 

Sasuke shook his head, reaching for a bag of what had to be take-out that was on her desk. “Here.” 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura rolled her eyes as the food was forced into her hands. “I told you, stop buying me food. Thanks, but I’m a big girl, I can feed myself.” 

“Hn,” was the only response she got. “I have a mission.” 

“Oh, you do,” she replied, finally noticing the man stood before her in full mission gear, his long katana strapped to his back. “Do you need medical clearance?” 

“No,” Sasuke shook his head. He gestured to the bag of food still clutched to her chest and Sakura rolled her eyes before shuffling around her desk to plop down and begin taking out the meal. 

“Do you need me to check your eyes, or your arm?” Sakura asked, mechanically taking a bite as Sasuke stared at her pointedly. 

“No,” he said. He watched her eat for a few moments, much to her chagrin, before speaking again. “I’ll be gone for about two weeks.” 

“Oh,” Sakura said, and she hoped her disappointment didn’t leak through her tone. “Well, good luck, be careful.” 

The dark-haired nin rolled his eyes as if to say _duh_ before setting his eyes on hers again, “I’ll see you when I return.” 

From anyone else, especially anyone with their... _arrangement_ , it would have-- should have-- been a question. Based on the way Sasuke’s gaze burned into hers and the tone of his voice, it seemed like more of a promise. 

Sakura could only nod and hope heat didn’t rise to her cheeks. “You know where to find me. Have a safe mission, Sasuke-kun.” 

“Aa,” he nodded. “Good-bye, Sakura.” 

He left her with one last look over his shoulder before opening her window and leaping out into the daytime. As soon as he was gone, the yearning for his presence began. Sakura sighed to herself before shoveling more food in her mouth, made tasteless by Sasuke’s absence. 

  
  


Sakura had just dropped her belongings on her floor and flopped face down on her couch in exhaustion when she heard quick, loud raps at her front door. She whined into the cushions quietly, staying perfectly still as the knocks stopped and moments of silence passed. 

The knocking began again and she felt a familiar, cool chakra flickering at the edges of her awareness and she groaned louder. 

“Forehead!” came a muffled voice. “I know you’re home, let me in.” 

She huffed before hauling herself up and stomping over to the door. 

Sakura hoped her face looked as scary as possible as she swung the door open and glared at the blonde standing with her arms crossed in front of her. 

“What, pig? I _just_ ended my shift,” Sakura growled. Ino rolled her eyes and shoulder checked Sakura as she welcomed herself in. 

Sakura gaped for a moment as the woman kicked off her sandals and sashayed into her living room as if she owned the place. 

“Can’t a girl come visit her best friend?” the blonde woman pouted, blinking innocently at Sakura as she shuffled over to sit beside her on the couch, grumbling the whole way. 

“Not when her best friend just pulled a 14-hour shift,” Sakura quipped. “What do I owe the _pleasure_ of this visit, Ino?” 

“I just wanted to spend time with you,” Ino sighed dramatically, swinging her legs over Sakura’s lap. When Sakura looked pointedly from the woman’s legs to her face, Ino simply wiggled her toes gleefully. 

“That’s sweet. Thanks for stopping by, good night!” Sakura said in her most sickeningly sweet voice, sarcasm dripping. 

“Nice try, forehead,” Ino scoffed. “What with a certain Uchiha occupying your nights and free days, I have to get in where I fit in.” 

“Ino, shut up,” Sakura groaned, grabbing a pillow to shove over her face. She figured if she held it there long enough, Ino would leave or she’d smother herself to death. 

Any way to avoid _this_ topic of conversation. 

“Nope,” Ino popped her lips on the ‘p’. “I also figured you’d be lonely, since lover-boy is away from the village for a little while. I wouldn’t want you to mope around all lonesome.” 

“No moping here,” Sakura said chipperly. She moved the pillow away from her face. “Just sleeping. You should try it.” 

“Aw, a sleepover?” Ino gasped dramatically, “Just like the old times!” 

“No,” Sakura deadpanned. “I mean you sleep at _your house_ , and leave mine.” 

“You wound me, billboard brow.” 

Sakura sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Tell me what you want, pig.” 

“I’ve been thinking,” Ino said, and her face was serious when Sakura glanced up. 

“That’s never good. Don’t hurt yourself.” 

“Shut up,” Ino said, continuing, “I’ve been thinking about _you_. And Sasuke. Your not-boyfriend.” 

Sakura simply stared, sure she would get to her point eventually. 

“I think you should begin seeing other people,” Ino looked at her steadily. 

“What I do and who I do it with isn’t any of your business Ino,” Sakura sighed. “And we’ve been through this. _Hundreds_ of times.” 

“Yes, yes,” Ino waved her off. “But we aren’t teenagers anymore. And we never controlled for you fucking the love of your life nightly-- I mean _every other night_ . So, what I’m proposing is you just... _broaden_ **** your horizons. You swore to me that nothing is and never will happen between you and the Uchiha. So…” 

“So?” Sakura repeated, “What is your point? Oh, and again, _how_ is that your business?” 

“Your life became my business the day I put that ribbon in your hair,” Ino snapped, “Stop interrupting me. What I’m trying to say is that instead of just wasting all your time an energy on this man you’re supposedly _only_ fucking… I say you fuck him all you want, but open yourself up for something real with literally anyone else. Maybe when we were kids it was the Uchiha or nothing, but Sakura… you’re a woman now. And you deserve to be with someone you love and who _loves you back_. If you are convinced that isn’t him… maybe there is someone else out there waiting for you to open your eyes to anyone without a sharingan.” 

“Ino…” 

Ino shook her head and held up her hand before Sakura could retort. “Sakura, please. It’s just a suggestion, and I’m not saying just...be with someone else to get over Sasuke. Just… be open. Give someone a chance, for once.” 

Sakura snorted, “Someone would have to want a chance for me to give them one.” 

“I can think of at least _five_ men who you have shot down because you were stuck on the damned Uchiha,” Ino retorted. “And that’s just counting _viable_ options.” 

“Ino, I’ve loved him for what feels like forever,” Sakura said quietly. “I’ve accepted that I may never...have him the way I always wanted. But… I don’t know how to not love him, yet. And when I figure out how I don’t know if I’ll be able to love anyone else.” 

“Love doesn’t just happen, Sakura,” Ino said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. Sakura felt as if her azure eyes were mirrors to her own soul. “It’s something that grows, but it has to be tended to. Nurtured. And if it dies… you can try again. Grow it differently, and it may not be the same as it was before, but it will have beauty in its own way.” 

“Don’t tell me that was a flower analogy,” Sakura gave a small smile. 

“Of course it was, forehead, I’m a fucking florist by non-shinobi trade.” 

“Loving him was never like the flowers from your shop, Ino,” Sakura whispered. Her face felt warm but she couldn’t help but be honest with her friend. “It was always...wild. Something that could barely be tamed. I never meant for it to grow, but it just… did.” 

“And it took over,” Ino added. “And it choked off the roots of any other meaningful connections you could have formed. I just want to know Sakura...do you think if maybe you stopped letting your life revolve around him, it might be easier to let go?” 

Sakura was quiet for some time before she managed to answer, “I’ve been holding on for so long. I don’t know what happens when I let go.” 

Ino was quiet then, too. But she pulled Sakura into her embrace and stroked her hand over her hair. Sakura shut her eyes and pressed into her, seeking comfort from the one person she knew cared for her more than anything, and didn’t judge her for listening to her silly heart instead of her good senses. 

  


~ 

Sasuke’s return to active duty had been tumultuous, verging on infuriating at times. Missions were a splash of cold water on his back, a reminder that his atonement would likely be a lifelong commitment, and many did not forgive as easily as his beloved Team 7. 

In the beginning, he and Naruto were placed together both for his sake and that of the hidden villages. Naruto was both the big stick and the diplomacy and Sasuke’s unofficial keeper to the majority of the world. The love and respect he’d earned acted as a buffer between Sasuke and anyone who mistrusted him… and Naruto was also the only shinobi alive who could detain and _deal with_ a traitorous Uchiha should the occasion arise. 

When Konoha leadership began to trust that Sasuke was a changed man, and a huge asset and Naruto was burdened with his own diplomatic responsibilities as the shoe-in for the Hokage hat, things became tense. The Uchiha found himself on missions among wary company at best, and totally distrustful and antagonistic at worst. 

Unfortunately, Sasuke found his current mission to be filled with squad members who fell into the latter category. 

Sasuke ran quietly at the head of the squad, pointedly ignoring the glares he felt burning into his back. He’d heard enough of their so-called whispers about his history and what they thought of his intentions. He decided early on during their journey to only speak when spoken to directly, and only regarding matters that were important to the mission. 

He scoffed internally, because had it been his choice, this mission would have been solo, anyway. It was almost offensive how easy it was turning out to be, and the two other members of the three-cell team were virtually unnecessary in his eyes. Sasuke figured it would take a lot more time for them to entrust him with solo work, so he swallowed his annoyance and did as was required of him. 

The sun beat down on them through the patterns of leaves above. Sasuke enjoyed the warmth, the heat of it and the warmth of the breeze on his face. After living in self-imposed darkness and then locked underground for the better part of a year, Sasuke would never forsake light, and the opportunity to exist in the day even if everyone else saw shadows because of his presence. 

“Uchiha,” a voice called out behind him. 

He glanced back over his shoulder and upon seeing a quick hand signal dropped down from the trees, sharingan activating as he slid his katana from its scabbard. 

Sasuke and his team members fell upon a group of nukenin who were attempting to ambush a party of the Fire Daimyo’s relatives and members of his advisorship. 

As Sasuke dodged attacks and cut down the enemy, he briefly thought about how they did not make rogue-nin of Zabuza’s caliber anymore. It was almost pitiful, how easily this group of ten was incapacitated. Sasuke managed to defeat a handful of them totally unscathed. 

It took longer for his team to calm the cowering would-be victims once all of the had been dealt with or detained for interrogation. 

“We will escort your party to your destination,” Sasuke whipped his sword around, the blood of the enemy flicking off with a quiet _splat_. “In case there are any more rogues who would attempt an ambush.” 

The elites tittered about with relief before clambering back into their carriages. Sasuke snorted quietly to himself. 

It was ironic, he thought, that these men who were so dependent on and thankful for his protection could have been his own victims not two years ago had he had the need for supplies or intel. 

His squad leader approached him as the carriages and their accompaniment began to move forward again. “Take care of these bodies. Uchiha. I assume you will be able to catch up.” 

Sasuke nodded, turning his face to face the dead strewn about the ground. He went about dragging the lifeless nin into a haphazard pile to easier pinpoint his jutsu. 

It seemed fitting in a way, that he would lay these undervalued and despised souls to rest. 

He closed his eyes, and when they reopened his mangekyou was activated and he muttered _Amaterasu_. Sasuke watched as the dead men were engulfed by the flames and wondered what horrors they’d run from to lead them into the darkness. Or if they’d created the horrors and the darkness. Or if it were both. He wondered if they were like him, the last of a clan, or shunned by their village. Perhaps they were the victims of their stories and this was a bitter, unhappy end to a life of equal misery. As they burned, Sasuke burned with them and wondered if this was his fate he escaped or postponed-- burning to ash in the wake of greedy elites whose crimes were not theft, murder and pillaging of small towns and passing caravans but of entire lands, nations and clans. 

Sasuke lowered his gaze to the ground as what was once a band of rogue ninja became nothing more than a pile of dust. He had never been much for praying, but he thought about the men he killed finding peace or punishment wherever their souls went. 

He bid the black flame to stop, and leapt away from the scorched road, into the trees to rejoin his squad. As he flashed through the treeline, the smell of burnt flesh and ash stung his nose. 

  


~ 

  


Sasuke meandered through the village gates in the darkness of night. He spared barely a nod to the chunin guards, not bothering to bid his squad goodbye. He tipped his head back to peer at the sky above. 

He’d been gone longer than two weeks, despite plans. The daimyo ordered their extended presence, likely as a show of power to the officials he was meeting from outside of his jurisdiction. If not for the chance to bathe and sleep in a real bed, Sasuke might have objected on principle. 

It felt as if he’d been gone much longer. He’d missed her. Sasuke figured he’d be used to the separation, especially between them after everything. But after their recent...reunion, it felt different. 

Sasuke slowed to a stop, a short distance from his home. He made a split second decision, leaping on a nearby rooftop and running in the opposite direction. 

Minutes later, he was standing at Sakura’s home, knocking. 

When the door to her apartment swung open, his muscles relaxed at the sight of her. It felt good to return-- to have someone to come back to. It was too late, and she should have been sleeping but Sasuke had to admit that for once he was glad his selfishness overran his good judgement. Seeing her was too good, and his life for so long had been bereft of good things. 

She beckoned him in wordlessly, a smile taking her lips. It was when she threw her arms about his shoulders, and pushed her weight against him that he smelled the faint scent of alcohol on her breath. 

“You’ve been drinking,” he murmured, reaching his hand up to catch her chin as she tried to kiss him. 

“Not a lot,” she sighed, moving her face away from his grasp and nuzzling into his collarbone. It was rare that she was so forward and affectionate these days, but Sasuke always appreciated the warmth of her when she was. 

“I’ve only just opened the bottle, actually,” she continued, and her voice was clear, if a bit breathy, so he did not stop her from pressing her lips to his. 

He kissed her deeply, but pulled away when she began tugging at his clothes. 

“You _should_ be sleeping,” he said, and she clicked her tongue before detaching herself and sweeping past him into the living room. He took off his sandals and set down his sword and mission bag before joining her. “Why are you still awake?” 

“I’m not tired,” she cradled a small cup of sake, staring into her lap as she took a dainty sip. “I’m sure you are, after your mission. Plan to crash here?” 

“What’s the occasion?” he asked. When her eyes flitted up to look at him, he nodded toward the drink clutched to her chest. 

Her gaze shifted, and it seemed she was looking at something far away. Sakura mumbled, “Rough day at work,” before bringing her cup back to her lips. 

Sasuke watched her quietly, noticing the shiftiness of her legs and the way she gripped her cup tightly with both hands. She did not take another drink as the silence settled over them, simply staring at the photos resting on the small table to his left. 

Sasuke had known Sakura as a child, and despite years spent away as she grew, he had come to know her once again. So, he was sure that this silence, and the far-away look on her face meant that there were many things she was leaving unsaid. And Sakura was never a woman to hold her tongue. 

“Sakura,” he spoke low, but his voice seemed loud in the silence. 

“Yes, Sasuke-kun?” she turned her face back toward him, but her gaze did not meet his. 

“Do you,” he began, watching her as she suddenly stood and shuffled to her small cabinet, plucking another sake cup, “want to talk about it?” 

“No, Sasuke-kun,” she laughed, and it sounded fake, leaving a bitter taste at the back of his tongue. “If you’re not sleepy, you can have a drink with me, though.” 

“I’ll pass,” he replied. She crossed over to where he was sitting, sidling up close to his side and placed the cup in his hand anyway. 

“Come on,” she urged, biting her lip for a moment before meeting his eyes. “Just one. It’s depressing to drink alone, you know.” 

“You would have been doing that if I hadn’t come by,” he noted, but held his cup out because the tone of her voice was hard enough to resist without the feel of her pressed against him. 

She poured for him, before claiming her own drink again. “Good thing you showed up, then.” 

She drank it faster this time, finishing it in one swallow and setting it back down. 

He took a small sip. She gave him a pointed look, and he rolled his eyes before finishing it and setting the empty cup down beside hers. 

“Satisfied?” he questioned, catching her gaze. 

“Nearly,” she said quietly, languidly swinging her leg over his and settling herself in his lap. 

Their lips met slowly, and he wrapped an arm around her waist, pressing her close to his chest. He tried to soak in the feeling of her embrace, but quickly found her hands slipping beneath his shirt and her hips rolling against him tantalizingly. 

She tasted of sake and something else, and when she broke away to reach for the hem of her sleeping gown, he watched her carefully. 

She bared herself to his gaze, sitting on his lap in nothing but her underwear, but reached back for her cup instead of him, snatching up the bottle of sake. She took her drink quickly as he looked on. 

“Do you want to tell me why we’re really drinking?” he asked as she poured another. 

She shrugged, “Technically, _I_ am the one drinking. You only took one.” 

“Aa,” he murmured. “Because you still haven’t told me exactly what we’re drinking for.” 

He knew that she was too much of a heavyweight for three cups of sake to cause her fingers to tremble as they did. 

“I did tell you,” she muttered, tipping her cup back before falling back into his chest, stroking her hands over his shoulders. A tempting smile played at her lips, but did not reach her eyes. “Rough day.” 

“Why?” It was the only thing he could get out before her lips were on his again. He pulled away before he could lose himself, meeting her disgruntled stare with a raised brow. She scoffed, sitting up straight. 

“I lost a patient,” her voice was cold, a stark difference to the warm, liquid-like tone she was speaking to him with before. 

“I’m sorry,” he responded, a frown taking his face. 

“Don’t,” she said, her tone hard. She shut her eyes for a moment before her shoulders relaxed and she exhaled deeply. “Don’t be sorry.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sasuke raked his fingers through her hair, a tightness building in his chest as she shook her head slowly. 

“No,” she whispered, and then she was pressed against him again, soft and supple against his torso. “ _Talking_ is the _last_ thing I want to do.” 

Before he could muster a reply, Sakura captured his lips again, this time tugging at his shirt aggressively, sliding her tongue deep into his mouth. Sasuke was concerned, but it was easy to become lost in her as she rocked against him intimately and pulled at his hair. 

She had no want for words, and Sasuke was never any good at them. And there was a desperation in the way she touched him, so Sasuke figured the type of comfort she was seeking in that moment could not be verbalized anyway. 

Sasuke understood. He knew how loss felt, how it felt to be left empty and how the world would seem to lack warmth. He hated the thought of Sakura, who was like the personification of sunlight and comfort, suffering through that cold. 

So he wrapped his lone arm around her tightly, pressing her closer as she took her comfort from his mouth with her probing tongue, reached for it by the fingers she dug into his back. He let her pull away to rip his shirt off, tugging her back quickly against his bare chest, hoping that the warmth of his flesh would be enough to help chase away the chill of sadness and regret. 

When Sakura pulled away from their kiss with a gasp that rattled in her chest, he sought her neck with his lips. She sighed, and it sounded like relief, but he could hear an undertone heartbreak. 

“Sasuke-kun,” she breathed above his head. Her hands dropped to his lap, and she freed him from his pants with trembling hands. 

He palmed her face as she rose to her knees, pressing his forehead to hers as she pushed her underwear to the side and settled over him. A choked-off moan slipped from her lips as she lowered herself completely. 

Sasuke clasped her tight against him as she undulated in his lap, her pace quickening and slowing interchangeably, as did her breaths as she groaned and hissed and cried out. 

She chased her pleasure, moving urgently and gripping his shoulders tight. He watched her face closely, as her features twisted and jaw dropped open. Sasuke’s attention was drawn to the crease between her brows, the tightness with which she shut her eyes. 

A long moan ripped from her chest as she found her release, her head thrown back and body shaking. Her pace did not falter as she slammed herself over him, leaning in to kiss him hungrily for a moment before pulling his head against her breast with a tug of his hair. 

Sasuke laved at her soft flesh with his tongue, nipping at her peaks and sighing deeply as she rolled her hips desperately. Her gasps became shaky and her moans strained, almost whining as she raced herself to the peak again. 

He caught her face and brought it up to take her lips, kissing her gently. He stroked his hand over her heated flesh languidly, wordlessly willing her to slow down, to relax. 

Her movements stuttered before she sank into his lap, still rolling her hips and clutching at him as if she was hanging onto something by a thread and trying to seek purchase in the joining of their bodies. The pleasure of being so deep in her warmth was distant, his mind occupied with the trembling of her muscles, of her lips. 

“Sasuke,” she whispered, her voice thick. “Please.” 

Sasuke gripped her around her waist tightly as they rocked together, and it was only in a moment like this, holding her with only his right arm, that he cursed Naruto for taking his left. Her moans and gasps were sounding more and more like sobs, and Sasuke wished his soul brother had not taken it from him, if only so he could hold Sakura better with it. 

He lifted her body and the sound she made at the separation speared him. He laid her on her back, settling back over her quickly, gently ridding her of her undergarments and pressing his fingers into her center. 

She cried out in relief as he brought her to completion with his hand, gripping his hair tightly. When she kissed him, he tasted salt as it ran down her face and over their lips. 

Sasuke drank from her, her tears a liquor of passion laced with the bitterness of grief. He poured into her with his body, hoping to convey what he did not have the words to say. 

He breathed consolation into her mouth and kissed away the tears that gathered atop her closed eyelids. When she bucked her hips against his center, he sank into her and made love to her slowly, pressing deep and _praying_ it was enough to fill whatever emptiness she felt inside. 

When he felt his end coming close, he moved to replace himself with his fingers once more, guiding her to climax again and again until her restless movements slowed and her body stilled, limp in his embrace. 

The last moan of her last release ended in a choked sob. When Sasuke placed a hand on Sakura’s flushed cheek, she peered up at the ceiling with glossy eyes. 

  


~ 

Sakura laid there for a few long moments, held flush against Sasuke’s body, the feel of his breath puffing against her neck. He was warm, so warm but her insides still felt icy, grief and self-disgust making everything feel frigid and hollow. 

She blinked away wetness from her eyes before sitting up abruptly and detangling herself from him. 

She fumbled for her sake bottle, pouring a glass and gulping it down at breakneck speed before replenishing the glass with another. She hoped the burn of the liquor would be enough to chase away the chill. 

“Sakura,” Sasuke called behind her. He placed his hand on her back. 

Sakura cleared her throat, muttering “What,” in a stiff tone before she took another drink. 

She could feel him watching as she refilled once again, “Maybe you should slow down.” 

She laughed and it tasted more bitter than the liquor against her tongue. 

“You think I can’t hold my drink?” she asked, curling away from his touch. “I was apprentice to fucking Tsunade.” To further prove her point, she refilled her cup again. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened with your patient?” he urged gently, eyeing the curve of her spine as she hunched into herself. 

“I told you,” she replied, and her voice sounded icy in her own ears, “I don’t want to talk. I wanted to fuck, and we did that. You should probably go home and get some rest.” 

She turned to face him with both the sake bottle and her cup clutched to her chest. Despite his stare, she didn’t meet his eyes as she continued pouring more drink. 

“I’m not tired,” he watched her drink it down. Liquid dripped down her chin and she swiped it away with practiced steadiness. Still, she knew the alcohol was beginning to take its effect. 

She could only wish it would work faster. 

“Well, can’t do anything about that,” she quipped. “So unless you want to have another drink with me, or fuck again, I have nothing else to offer tonight, Sasuke-kun.” 

When he only stared at her in response to her proposition, she scoffed and finished what was left in her cup before setting it down heavily on the table. Her face was flushed as she rested her forehead unsteadily in her hand. 

“You can talk to me,” Sasuke spoke gently, and Sakura swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. 

She did not raise her eyes to his, shaking her head numbly. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Sakura responded after a long moment. Her words were slower, but not quite slurred. 

“Just... talk to me,” Sasuke responded, tense. Almost demanding. His tone caused aggravation to prickle down her spine, because since when did he ever care about her _talking_? 

“What? You want me to say I failed?” she asked, straightening suddenly to look at him. Her voice was tight, and it was all she could do to keep it from shaking. “I did. Fucked up. Satisfied?” 

“You didn’t fail,” Sasuke started, but was quickly cut off by Sakura barking a laugh that held to mirth. 

“Someone dying in my care is _literally_ a text-book example of failure,” she deadpanned, rolling her cup between her fingers. 

Sasuke shook his head, “No one is perfect, and sometimes people cannot be saved.” 

Sakura grit her teeth and pinned him with a stare. She could feel the flush of her cheeks, but she wasn’t sure if it was because of the drink or her misdirected anger. 

“I cannot afford to be imperfect, Sasuke,” she spit. If the lack of honorific affected him, she wouldn’t know. She _hated_ how good he was at being poised when she was constantly trying to keep herself from falling apart around him. “People put their lives in my hands. I’m supposed to fix them. I’m supposed to make sure they make it home. This patient... she was too young to die. It was a mission that shouldn’t have even gone wrong! And she was broken in a way I should have been able to... to fucking fix but I wasn’t. Now her family is left without their child, and a team of genin without their teammate. And that is the worst kind of pain and it’s _my_ fault.” 

Sakura felt a sick kind of satisfaction when he had the decency to flinch, “It’s not your fault.” 

_But she would be alive if I had been able to save her_. She hugged herself, wondering if she would have to use enhanced strength to keep her heart together. 

“It is,” she whispered. “I’ve healed worse injuries. I’ve brought people back from the brink of death, shinobi, civilians. I tried everything, but it was... it was too late. I should have been faster, tried using my seal but.... I didn’t, and then she was gone.” 

Sasuke hand shot out to halt Sakura’s movements as she reached for the sake again. She shrank away like his touch burned, and it _did_. She thought she was past the days of Uchiha Sasuke being privy to her failures. 

“Sakura,” he spoke softly, trying his best to catch her gaze. “You did the best you could. She was a shinobi. She was willing to give her life for her village.” 

“Shinobi children are still fucking children,” Sakura spit out. “Life is short enough as it is for us. But she was a baby. And we are supposed to be at peace. It was my job to save her, to make sure she’d live to become a full-fledged shinobi. And I failed.” 

Her voice had risen steadily as she spoke, before breaking into a broken whisper with the last of her words. 

“It is a tragic loss,” Sasuke said. When Sakura glanced at his face, it looked like he was choosing his words carefully. “You’re the best medic in all five nations. If you weren’t able to save this girl, that means no one could have. You gave her the best chance she could have had.” 

“I gave her nothing,” Sakura snapped, her words slurred with drink and pain. She clutched her chest. “She isn’t the first patient I’ve lost. I know it comes with the job, with being a shinobi but... sometimes I feel like the only thing I’m good at is losing people.” 

This time she _knew_ her words hit him. And it made her feel even worse, because she couldn’t apologize for a truth like this. 

He opened his mouth to speak once she met his eyes, but Sakura cut him off briskly, “Sasuke-kun, just- go home. I just need to... sleep it off. I always take it hard when I can’t save a patient, but... you don’t need to worry about it. I’ll be okay.” 

Sakura could feel the sting behind her eyeballs and the lump re-lodging itself in her throat. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before she fell apart, and she did not want to do it in front of this man she loved so dearly _again_. Not when he had endured traumas far past anyone’s understanding-- she didn’t want him to see how weak she still was. 

Sakura attempted a reassuring smile. He shook his head, refusing to look away from her eyes. They stared at each other for a long time, and in that time the strained smile slipped from her face. 

_Just go_ , she pleaded internally. Those eyes of his, they saw everything. And she had made too many mistakes tonight; between the drink and the way she bared her body to him, it would only take a little for her to spread herself open again, for him to see everything she tried to hide inside. As his eyes moved intently over her face she wanted to cry, wanting him to look away because she knew he was seeing all the things that made him not want her before. 

“I’m not leaving,” he said suddenly, his voice quiet. Before she could protest he pulled her back into his lap, locking his only arm around her waist. 

“Sasuke-kun,” she pushed against his chest. “Why?” 

There were so many reasons this did not make sense, because Sasuke the child wouldn’t have even been sitting there with her in her home, and Sasuke the man held no obligation to her, not this way. The arrangement they had didn’t call for _this_ , and if she looked too closely at it, she knew her fragile heart would be in danger. 

“Because you never left me,” he whispered, “and because I don’t want you to suffer alone.” 

Sakura felt the moment her heart overtook her good senses. And she was weak, so very weak to throw her arms around his neck, clinging to him as the first sob ripped from her chest. She cried for the child who died in her arms and the one who died in her heart when she decided to dedicate her life to death in foreign fields and in white rooms with white walls and white lights. Sakura shivered, because she was stripped bare, naked in her shame and her grief. If not for Sasuke’s strong grip around her body, she was sure she would crumble into millions of pieces. When she felt Sasuke’s arm tighten around her waist, her heart stuttered and she cried harder, because it had been so long since someone held her when she felt like the force of her failures and her imperfection would break her apart. 

  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is good at pretending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! I apologize for the wait. This chapter was difficult for me to get through, nothing seemed quite right... even now I feel as if things could have been put together in a better way, the moments could have been more intense, the language more moving... but I can only revise so many times before I want to give up all together T_T. Please tell me how you like it! 
> 
> Also, a particular lyric from the song "Pretty Little Birds" by SZA inspired a particular scene in this chapter: "I wanna take all of my hair down and let you lay in it. Spread all of my limbs out and let you lay in it."
> 
> ENJOY!

Sakura looked heartbreakingly beautiful in the slow-coming brightness of dawn. Sasuke gazed at her as sun rays peeked through the gaps of her living room curtains. They cast glowing beams across her sleeping face, reflecting on the redness on her cheeks and the tip of her nose. 

The lids of her eyes were still puffy, as were her slightly parted lips. Sasuke thought if he were to kiss the side of her face, he would taste the saltiness of tears she had shed in the dim moonlight the night before.

He ran his finger gently over the arch of a pale-pink brow, his touch light as not to wake her. It was too early to be awake, but sleep did not come easy with his fretful lover shivering against him throughout the night, stirring constantly, sometimes with a quivering breath or a quiet sob. She never woke fully and it made Sasuke’s chest feel heavy to see how her grief followed her even in slumber. It made him wonder how many nights Sakura had spent like this, falling asleep in tears that continued even as exhaustion pulled her away from consciousness.

It helped that her face looked relaxed now, even with the tell-tale signs of mourning still etched onto her softened features. _Even as she cries_ , Sasuke had thought as he held her through her sobbing and wailing, _she is so beautiful_. 

Then he wondered, bitterly, if he found such beauty in her displays of sadness because he’d acquired a taste for it, having been the reason behind it so many times, for so many years.

Sasuke was pulled from his loathsome thoughts as the woman stirred, turning away from his chest and curling into herself. Sasuke moved the hand that had somehow found its place in her petal-soft hair, and pulled the thin throw blanket higher around her shoulders, tucking it about her waist.

At some point when her crying had eased, Sasuke had maneuvered her listless form into her sleeping gown and under a blanket snagged from her couch. Though he’d failed to convince her to relocate to her bed, he comforted himself with the knowledge that, like he had, she’d likely had to sleep on worse surfaces than the plush rug spread over her living room floor.

Still, Sasuke pressed close to her back and slung his arm over her waist, hoping to provide warmth to help with the draft of the early hours. 

Sakura settled, her breaths still deep and slow as she slept. He pressed his face into her hair, breathing in the scent. 

Sasuke realized he had not seen Sakura cry like that in years. It was the first time that he had stayed with her, comforted her. It shamed him to admit that he probably had many opportunities in the past, but was too blinded by his own rage and bitterness to be there for her when she needed it. Sakura was always ready and willing to offer comfort, share a burden that was not hers to carry. So many times had he given her his back when she tried to offer her support to help ease his suffering. He wondered how she was so kind, how a person could have so much grace to let someone like him be with her, holding her like this. 

Sasuke thanked the gods he hardly believed in that Haruno Sakura was forgiving. Especially because he knew he didn’t deserve her clemency. It was good, being able to be there for her in a time such as this, because he knew suffering was exacerbated when one had to endure the pain of loneliness in tandem. If only he knew what to say, how to verbalize what she needed to hear. He wished she would not internalize such a tragic accident and make it into her own personal shortcoming.

Sasuke knew failure, intimately so. And he would never understand how Sakura, who believed so whole-heartedly that he was redeemable despite a lifetime worth of mistakes, could for one second believe she was somehow _inadequate_. Her humility was commendable, but aggravating to those who admired her. 

And he did admire her. Sakura was giving. She gave of herself completely to everyone around her, and Sasuke wished he could teach her to be selfish. He worried her self-sacrificing ways could one day be her undoing. It was as if she felt she never did enough, despite holding entire friendships, teams and institutions together. Sasuke imagined she could give her life for someone else, and still manage to have an apology on her lips for not doing even more.

He sighed to himself, running his gaze over her form again. The hair at the back of her head was tousled from sleeping, though Sasuke was sure he was at least partially at fault for the disarray. Her sleeping clothes slipped to one side, exposing a creamy shoulder to the gentle light. He leaned close to press a soft kiss there, before resting his chin atop her head. 

Sasuke sighed deeply once more and shut his eyes. His lover seemed peaceful now, and the exhaustion from a long mission plus emotional fatigue was catching up to him. Although he was sure he had probably less than three hours before Sakura would begin her day, he allowed himself to fall asleep. He was no stranger to operating on very little rest, and it was all the more worth it to be able to hold this woman in his arms and know that, at least for the moment, her pain was subdued and she could rest. 

~

Sasuke woke to Sakura trying to wriggle free from his hold. His eyes squinted open, fluttering as they struggled to adjust to the now bright light beaming through her curtains. Sakura clasped his arm gently, lifting it away from her waist. The way her movements were slow and halted, he assumed she must still think him asleep.

He tightened his grip on her, murmuring, “Sakura,” into the back of her head.

The woman froze before turning her head to look at him over her shoulder. 

“Sasuke-kun, good morning,” she said, and her voice was slightly scratchy with sleep or tears or both. “Let me up, please?”

“Where are you going? Lay down,” he mumbled, eyes slipping shut again. He pressed his cheek against the crown of her head, wishing she would just lie still so they could both go back to sleep.

Sasuke heard her huff, and she lifted his arm again, rolling away from him. He opened his eyes to peer at her blearily. She did not look back in his direction as she adjusted her sleeping clothes and smoothed down her hair.

“Just getting up,” she responded, still facing away. “I usually get my day started around this time. You should go home to get some rest, I know you must still be tired after your mission.”

Sasuke finally accepted his slumber would be delayed for the moment and sat up, running his hand through his own hair.

“Are you going to the hospital?” he asked, watching as she gathered the open bottle of sake on her table and searched for the cap.

When she found it, Sakura closed the bottle and returned it to her cupboard, “No, Tsunade suggested I take the day off after… what happened.”

“Hn,” Sasuke hummed. He stood, tossing her throw blanket back on the couch and approached her where she stood trying to straighten random items that had been moved out of place.

Sasuke was still tired, and he disliked that she seemed hesitant to look at him. When he was within arms reach, he placed his hand on her shoulder.

“If you don’t have work,” he said quietly, “let’s go back to bed. You could use more rest.”

“I’m not tired,” Sakura replied, clearing her throat delicately as she moved away from him once again. She busied herself with stacking the sake cups and taking them to the kitchen.

Sasuke watched as she returned, now preoccupied with fixing the rug on the floor. She glanced at him briefly

“Please, feel free to go to my room and get some more sleep, if you don’t feel like making the walk to your place. I’m sorry to have kept you awake so late after your mission.” She straightened, her hands clasped together behind her back.

“Don’t apologize,” he said. She finally turned to face him, but she carefully avoided directly meeting his gaze.

“No, I should,” she said softly. Bashful. “I- didn’t want you to see that. I mean, it’s not usually… I’m not sure why this particular patient affected me so much. Usually I can handle it. When it happens, I generally have a few drinks and just sleep it off, but I wasn’t expecting a visitor you know and I did drink quite a bit pretty fast and…”

Sasuke stepped until he was standing right in front of her. She quieted, finally meeting his gaze as he stared down at her.

“Don’t apologize,” he repeated, voice quiet. He reached to touch her shoulder again, squeezing it gently. 

He wanted to tell her he would stay up holding her until the sun rose and set in one hundred cycles if it would bring her comfort and quiet her worries. He wanted to tell her there was no shame in grief, that it took him most of his life to learn that and perhaps if he had been more like her, it wouldn’t have taken them just so long to get here. He wanted to tell her that it was an _honor_ to be able to wipe away her tears instead of causing them. 

The words brewing in his chest did not get the chance to pour from his lips before Sakura stepped back once again, averting her gaze as a small smile plastered itself on her face.

“Thank you, Sasuke-kun, for everything,” she said. And her voice was sincere, but something felt hollow between the syllables and it started to feel that way between his ribs, too.

“You don’t need to thank me,” he said and her smile tightened a little more.

“Right,” she said quietly, nodding and glancing up at his face again. “Of course. Well, I hate to be rude, but there are some things I want to do today. So, if you weren’t planning to stay and sleep more…”

Sasuke was reluctant to leave her alone, but he figured he would be the worst kind of hypocrite if he denied her solace in her grieving. 

“I’ll get going,” he saved her from the awkwardness of kicking him out explicitly. He found his shirt on the floor behind him and tugged it over his head. 

It wasn’t until he’d slipped into his sandals and retrieved his mission gear that she approached him again. 

“Bye, Sasuke-kun,” she murmured as he opened the door. He nodded once over his shoulder before ducking away from her door. 

As he ran across buildings with the early morning sun beating down on him, Sasuke felt like something heavy settled in his stomach.

~

Sakura pressed her back against the door after Sasuke’s exit, sliding down slowly until her rear met the floor. She pressed her forehead to her knees, and wrapped her arms around her middle, tightly, as if it would stop the trembling of her limbs.

She was exhausted, too tired to even manage a sob. Tears simply trickled down her face as she stared into her lap.

Guilt and shame curdled in her stomach, bubbling into a burning sensation that spread through her chest. In her mind’s eye, she could see the image of a tiny shinobi laying lifeless against a hospital bed, and she could still hear the sound that ripped from the mother’s throat when she was told that her child was gone, forever.

A gasping breath rattled through Sakura’s lungs and she squeezed her eyes shut as if that would protect her from the images. 

Of course it did not work. She pried her eyes open and unwrapped her arms, gazing at her trembling hands. They were littered with visible scars from years of training and battle, and stained with invisible blood, that of enemies and friends. As she gazed upon these hands that she had broken and mended and split open and stitched up over and over again, she wondered what it was all _for_. 

What did it matter that she had built mountains from sand when her people still bled and hurt and _died_ in these hands? 

Sakura felt _weak_. Helpless. Because she knew there was no training, nothing more she could do to make up for the limitations of her bloodline, of her chakra. Save for the one jutsu she knew that cost the ultimate price, she was powerless against death. For all her skill, it was an enemy she could never destroy.

Sakura laughed then, a watery, pitiful sound because Tsunade had told her when she was all forehead and big green eyes that she was _made_ for this. Her shishou told her that her mind, her chakra control was perfect-- that she would be able to mend hundreds of thousands of bodies (and eventually break them apart, too).

Tsunade never told her that she lacked the heart for it. That even after seeing more death than shinobi twice her age, she could never forget the names of patients she lost, or the faces of enemies she had killed. No one told her that she’d never get used to it-- that every failure felt like the first, a fresh wound on pure flesh, no scar tissue to numb the sensation. 

All Sakura had in times like this was her secrecy. Time and shinobi lifestyle had made an excellent liar out of her. No one needed to know that she drowned her sorrows in the neck of a sake bottle when someone died in her care and sobbed herself to sleep in the darkness of her apartment when loneliness choked her about her neck and squeezed through the valves of her heart. She could pretend it was all fine, until there was no one there to see her falling apart. 

Sakura was good at pretending. She pretended to find Naruto’s jokes funny all the time, that a part of her didn’t resent Kakashi for never paying attention to her like he did his more powerful students. She could pretend that she wasn’t jealous of Ino’s figure, that she didn’t question the choices made by the village she had pledged her life and loyalty to.

She could pretend she was over Uchiha Sasuke, that she was not still completely in love with him, so much so that she was willing to let him fuck her with no strings attached just so she could have him in her life.

It was easy to pretend. Easy to fool everyone, except _him_. Even when she was at her best, Uchiha Sasuke and his eyes saw everything. And on nights like the one before, where she was already on edge, and her emotions in disarray, Sakura did not have a chance.

She could never lie to him. Even if everyone else fell for the facade, he knew her better. 

Sakura never wanted him to see her weak like that, not again. Not when she had grown, when she had toiled so hard to be the _opposite_ of the crybaby weakling she had been fated to be since she was handed her headband. 

Her love for him made her sloppy, because she should have just turned him away at her doorstep. She should have feigned exhaustion, drunkenness, sent him home. But she let him inside of her space and her body as both were laden with mourning, and ultimately unraveled at the seams. She was too greedy for him; she ached constantly for presence, for his body near hers. Sakura sought distraction in the physicality of their coupling, hoped to forget by becoming drunk on his flesh and his sensual attention. Having him the only way she could was meant to be a comfort, as it had been since they began their arrangement.

Sakura laughed again, because of how _silly_ she was to think this would ever be enough. _How ironic_ , she thought. She had become so good at pretending she deluded herself into thinking she could let her love for Sasuke exist in the bedroom, and be satisfied with just that. 

She could not be a fool, not even to herself, any longer. Sasuke had to know she still loved him, pined after him. He was far too observant to miss the signs. He had given all he was willing to give, and his heart was not included. It would never be. 

A strange kind of peace settled over Sakura, the cold kind that made her calm, but brought with it no contentment. It was not an epiphany, rather acceptance. She accepted that she was an imperfect being, that she would never stand equal with loved ones who had been birthed from a lineage of gods. She accepted that her love for Sasuke would never be met with more than steadfast comradery and semi-platonic affection. 

Sakura pulled herself from the floor, a stillness within her that was in great contrast to the tumultuous feelings of grief and unrequited adoration. She made her way to her room and into her bathroom thoughtlessly. As water cascaded over her face and down her body, no more tears came.

~

Sakura entered her friend’s flower shop and made her way to the counter, waiting patiently as a customer finalized their purchase. 

“Forehead,” Ino called once the customer stepped away with their bouquet in hand. “What brings you here?”

“Pig. I was wondering if you’d like to grab dinner, since you’re closing soon,” Sakura leaned against the counter. “My treat.”

“Free dinner? I would never turn that down,” Ino grinned, “are we dining in or taking out?”

“Not much for being in public, today,” Sakura replied quietly. Ino studied her face for a moment before nodding and circling around the counter.

She looped an arm around Sakura’s shoulders, squeezing her to her side briefly, “Takeout it is. We can go back to my place, if you like.”

Sakura nodded and Ino let her go, shoo-ing her toward the exit, so she could go about closing up shop. 

Ino chattered relentlessly as they sought a kiosk that fit both their tastes. She complained about the kids who came running into the store, grabbing at the flowers with grubby little _rough_ hands, and elderly patrons who had the nerve to try and haggle over her prices. Sakura chuckled and hummed and scoffed at all the right places, but did not contribute much to the conversation.

When they got their food, Ino linked her arm with Sakura’s and they made their way to her home in a comfortable silence. Ino welcomed her in and set up a mat for both of them to rest on while they ate their meal at her coffee table. Ino spoke more about her day at the shop, emphasizing that no matter how annoying her patrons were, she loved the time away from the hospital to watch over her family’s business.

Sakura was halfway through her meal when Ino went completely silent. She could feel eyes on her so she glanced up to see the blonde woman studying her face.

“How are you feeling?” Ino asked, still holding her gaze with icy blue irises. 

“Fine,” Sakura said, looking back to her food as she dug her chopsticks in for another bite. “I think this is going to give me heartburn, though.”

“Sakura,” Ino said and the seriousness of her tone made Sakura want to flinch. “I mean how are you handling having lost a patient?”

Sakura did flinch, then. “You heard, huh?”

Ino did not respond, simply watching as Sakura set her food down and pushed her hair away from her face.

She rested her cheek on one of her knees and muttered, “I’m alright. Last night was hard, but I’m okay now.” 

“You’re telling me you’re over it?” Ino asked, raising a pale brow.

“I’m never over it, Ino,” Sakura sighed. “But I manage to accept it, because it’s part of the job. Fretting won’t change anything in the end.” 

“You’re starting to act like him,” Ino said, and Sakura wasn’t sure if it was offense on her behalf or his that simmered in her gut. “You’re becoming like how Sasuke used to be.”

“How would you know how he used to be,” Sakura mumbled, petulant. “You barely knew him.”

“I know _you_ ,” Ino retorted. “You don’t just smother pain and brush off feelings. You cry and get fucked up and have existential crises.”

“Yeah, I did that don’t worry,” Sakura said, shoveling another bite of food in her mouth. It was made tasteless by the scolding.

“You should have sent for me,” Ino frowned. “I don’t like the idea of you grieving all alone. It’s okay to be comforted by your friends.”

“I wasn’t alone,” she muttered, and wished she could swallow the words when Ino quirked her brow once again.

“Oh?” she tilted her head to the side. “I did hear that Sasuke’s team returned from his mission late last night.”

The only response Sakura gave was a quiet hum. 

“I’m glad he was there for you,” Ino stated. “I worry about you.”

Sakura rolled her eyes, “Don’t, Ino-pig.”

“You still fucking him without acknowledging your feelings?”

“Nice set up, Pig,” Sakura drawled.

“Answer the question.”

“Okay _mom_ ,” Sakura spit, setting her empty food carton down and crossing her arms. “Yes, I’m still fucking him, no, I have not confessed my feelings for him _again_ since the last time. And no, I don’t plan on doing so in the near or distant future.”

“So what’s the plan?” Ino asked, leveling Sakura with a challenging stare. 

“I’m going to move on,” Sakura responded. She wished she had a camera to capture the look on her companions face. “That’s one of the things I wanted to talk with you about.”

“I’m listening,” Ino responded, sounding slightly dazed. “Forgive me, I’m in utter _shock,_ but I am definitely listening.”

Sakura rolled her eyes, fiddling with the fabric on her arms mindlessly.

“I thought about the conversation we had,” Sakura started, meeting Ino’s gaze. “You talked about being open and...I want to try. I don’t think I can take it anymore, pining after this man with no hope or end in sight. I have to accept what Sasuke and I have as what it is. And I know that despite how much I love him, it’s not enough.”

“Are you going to tell him?” Ino asked. Sakura shook her head.

“There’s no need to. I don’t plan to just...hop into a relationship. I just want to be more open to meeting people, _seeing_ people casually for now.”

“Will you continue sleeping with Sasuke until something becomes serious?” Something on her face must have been answer enough because Ino clicked her tongue and grinned. “Figures. That good, huh?”

Sakura sighed and palmed her forehead, “Too good. I’m almost afraid nothing will compare.”

“It probably won’t,” Ino shrugged. “But nothing has to be _perfect_ to be good. If such perfection was possible, you’d have Sasuke’s heart _and_ his dick in your hand.”

“If only,” Sakura muttered and Ino sighed a chuckle. “I mean, I’m single. I’m in my twenties, there’s no reason I shouldn’t…”

“Have your cake and eat it too?” Ino supplied and Sakura shrugged. “I agree. You’re young, you’re hot and one of the most infamous kunoichi in the village and beyond. Sasuke can eat rocks.”

Sakura sighed and shook her head. “It isn’t his fault. You can’t force yourself to love someone. I believe he cares for me, as a friend and a teammate. And after everything we went through… I can accept that. I just don’t want to wait anymore for something that will never happen.” 

It was impossible to keep the sadness from seeping into her tone. Sakura went quiet as her ribs suddenly felt tight and her chest empty. She had convinced herself she gave up the notion of Sasuke falling in love with her years ago, but verbalizing it now to her best friend was so final and it left her feeling lost. 

Ino clicked her tongue and scooted around the coffee table to loop her arms around Sakura, pressing her cheek to the top of her head.

“Uchiha Sasuke can eat rocks,” she muttered, squeezing Sakura tighter. “He’s a fool to let you slip away. Any man would be lucky to accept half the love and devotion you gave to him. _And_ you have the best ass in Konoha.”

Sakura let out a shaky laugh. “You have the best tits.”

“That’s why we’re the perfect pair,” Ino cooed. “Forehead, I’m glad you’re doing something to ensure your happiness.”

“Thanks,” Sakura whispered.

“Perfect timing, too,” Ino dipped her head to look at Sakura with a grin. “I have the _perfect_ guy in mind. I know for a fact he’s interested in you, too.”

“You don’t waste any time, do you?” Sakura drawled, pulling away from her friend’s embrace. “Who is it and how do you know he’s interested?”

“He’s an old schoolmate of one of my older cousins,” Ino said. “Graduated two years ahead of us, jounin, tall, sexy and pretty laid back from what I can tell. And I know he’s interested because he asked my cousin to ask _me_ if you’re single.”

“And what did you tell your cousin to tell him?” Sakura asked apprehensively. Ino’s grin became decidedly more wicked as she batted her lashes.

“I told him yes you’re single,” Ino started, “ _and_ that you would have dinner with him next weekend. That was last week, so that’s _this_ weekend. Friday. I can cover you for the last leg of your shift so you can meet him at seven.” 

Sakura recoiled, “ _Ino_ ! You- how could you make plans like that without _asking_ if I would be willing first!”

“I knew you’d say yes, you’re _open_ now.”

“I wasn’t last week!” Sakura scoffed. “How did you know I would be _open_?”

Ino shrugged, “I’m a sensor.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

The blonde waved her hand nonchalantly. Sakura groaned and smacked her hand against her forehead. 

“Careful Billboard Brow, you wouldn’t want that thing to swell,” Ino chided and Sakura resisted the urge to stab her in the eye with a chopstick.

“Pig, you are impossible,” Sakura breathed. Ino laughed heartily.

“But you love me,” Ino sing-songed. “You’re gonna love me even more once you see how _hot_ this guy is.”

~

By the time Sakura left Ino’s place she was exhausted, but her spirits were lifted and chest felt lighter. The blonde-haired kunoichi was obnoxious and nosy, but she was a good friend and she knew how to make Sakura feel grounded when she needed support. And for all her prying and oftentimes unsolicited advice, she never judged Sakura’s choices (even when they were not good ones).

Sakura walked through the dark streets, lost in thought. There were a few kiosks still opened, serving food to night owls and people who had stumbled their way from bars seeking something to soak up the liquor in their stomachs. She was halfway through the sparse crowd of bodies when she felt two achingly familiar chakra signatures nearby.

“Sak’ra-chan!” Naruto’s voice called from somewhere on her left.

She stopped walking and turned to find Naruto jogging over to her. She huffed quietly as she was wrapped up in a constricting hug, Naruto lifting her slightly so her toes skimmed over the ground. Sasuke stood behind him, hand in his pocket. His eyes met hers over Naruto’s shoulder and he gave her a nod. 

“What are you two up to?” Sakura asked as she was finally set back down on the ground. She could still feel Sasuke’s eyes on her even as she directed the question to their whiskered friend.

“We had a late dinner at Ichiraku ‘ttebayo,” Naruto said, linking his fingers behind his head. “We stopped by your place to bring you along, but you weren’t home.”

“Ah, gomen Naruto,” Sakura replied. “I was having dinner at Ino’s. Just heading home now.”

“You should join teme and me,” Naruto grinned, jostling Sasuke’s shoulder much to the man’s displeasure it seemed. “Let’s get a drink!”

“I said I wasn’t drinking with you, dobe,” Sasuke grumbled. Sakura chuckled at the whine Naruto made in response.

“I have an early shift tomorrow, so I probably shouldn’t either,” Sakura said with an apologetic smile. Naruto huffed dramatically, shoulders slumping.

“I just wanted to have a Team 7 outing, it’s been a while,” Naruto sighed forlornly. Sakura and Sasuke shared a brief glance. He was laying it on thick, tonight. “How about Friday night, around eight?”

Sakura grimaced, “I have, uh, plans around that time. I don’t have a shift until later Saturday afternoon, so maybe we could meet up for something late night? Or breakfast?”

Naruto grinned, “I say we get _trashed_ Friday night and have breakfast together the next morning!”

“Dobe, if you get trashed you won’t be getting up in time for breakfast,” Sasuke rolled his eyes and Sakura’s lips twitched. He glanced at her knowingly and she quickly averted her gaze.

“Shut up, bastard. Anyway, I guess I’ll head home since you two are acting like old cronies,” Naruto stretched, ruffling Sakura’s hair and darting away when she took a half-hearted swipe at him. “Teme?”

“Go on,” Sasuke waved Naruto off, keeping his eyes on Sakura until she met his gaze. “I can walk you home, Sakura.”

She nodded with a quiet ‘thank you’, turning to wave at Naruto before they turned to go their separate ways. 

The pair walked in silence, but Sakura’s insides were in turmoil. All the confidence and determination gained through her conversation with Ino seemed to evaporate when faced with her dark haired paramour. His presence was almost stifling-- his chakra thrummed against her senses, so palpable she felt as if it could infiltrate her own network. They were not quite touching, but he was close enough that she could feel the heat of him by her side. It made her pulse quicken and her cheeks warm, the way her body reacted to him. Her mind may well have decided that Uchiha Sasuke would never be the one for her, but her blood still sang for him, her bones and muscles and sinew would not forget that she loved him. 

“You didn’t have to walk me home, you know,” Sakura broke the silence to muffle the noise of her traitorous body and treacherous heart. 

“I know,” Sasuke replied. He gave no further explanation, and when Sakura glanced at him, his dark eyes were focused on the road ahead. His face gave away no particular emotion.

The silence settled again, but they were but a few yards away from her apartment building. They bypassed the stairs by leaping up to the railing, and Sakura turned to face her quiet companion as she stood in front of her door.

“Did you want to come in?” she asked somewhat awkwardly, part of her hoping he would decline. She still felt pricks of embarrassment after her antics the night before.

But Sasuke nodded, so she unlocked the door and stepped through, standing by as he drifted in, still so quiet. She closed the door and went about taking off her sandals, and Sasuke did the same.

“Tea?” she offered, because it was polite and it gave her something to do with her hands other than reaching for him. 

Sakura did not wait for an answer before padding to her kitchen. She felt rather than heard Sasuke following behind her. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. She retrieved her kettle and filled it up with water.

“Yes,” she said as turned on the stove. When she turned, Sasuke was standing right there, staring intently into her face.

“You’re sure?” he pressed, and she could see the subtle change in his features. Concern shone in his deep irises and in the barely visible crease between his brows. 

It was bittersweet, his care. She valued it, this signifier of his growth and their established friendship. Sakura had hoped for years that he would come to hold affection and respect for her.

 _Not like this_. Sakura pushed the thought away and offered a gentle smile.

“Yes,” she repeated, softly. “Thank you again for staying with me last night.”

_This would be enough._

Sasuke nodded once, dark eyes still fixed on her face. Sakura held his gaze for a moment before averting hers and moving away to take a seat at her small kitchen table. 

He joined her and she could not prevent her eyes from running over his form. He was truly beautifully made, all sharp angles and delicate features. She could see the boy she had fallen for so many years ago in his face, but with the years had come a solidity and keenness to replace the softness before. Sakura wondered if the severity of his jawline and the arch of his brow had existed then and she somehow never noticed. She wondered when his shoulders had become so wide and his chest so broad. 

Sasuke said nothing as she drank him in. When her eyes returned to his though, it was as if they were burning into her, heating her from the inside out. The look in those eyes was achingly familiar. 

He suddenly stood, all power and grace, and moved away from the table. Sakura did not turn as she heard the stove knob click off.

Sakura glanced up as Sasuke came to stand before her, looming over her seated form. He reached out his sole hand.

“I don’t want tea,” he said, voice low, pulling her up from the chair and into his chest.

Sakura’s eyes slipped shut as their lips met, sighing as his arm looped around her waist to press her against him tighter. He was firm against her chest and she could feel him pressing into the lower part of her abdomen. 

Maybe she should have turned him away, started creating the distance she’d promised Ino and herself she would enforce to protect her heart and her dignity. But held in the arms of the man she loved, her resolve was flimsy like rice paper. 

Sakura decided that tonight, at least, she would pretend. As Sasuke clutched her tight against him, she pretended it was because he could not bear to live without her. She pretended the words whispered in her ears were _‘I love you’_ and _‘I need you’_ and _‘I’m yours’_. She pretended that each kiss pressed into her neck and shoulder was a promise of devotion, or commitment to the love between two hearts, two souls.

She pulled away from his embrace and took his hand, allowing her fingers to slip in the spaces between his and let herself imagine they had a home there. A small smile took her lips when his hand squeezed hers gently and she led him to her bedroom. 

Sasuke lifted his shirt over his head and Sakura wasted no time running her fingers over the smooth expanse of his chest and abdomen. She leaned forward to pepper light kisses against his warmed flesh and revelled in the slight trembling of his muscles. 

“Let me see you,” his voice sounded above her head, and he slipped a hand under her top, pressing a heated palm against her ribs.

Sakura took a slow step back, verdant eyes meeting onyx . As she bared herself his one visible eye glowed red in the darkness of her room, his face only slightly illuminated by the moonlight peeking between her curtains. His form was swathed in shadow, but she could see the sharingan so very clearly. Sakura shivered as the blood-red iris swept over her body lazily, following each movement of her hands as she unwrapped her bindings and pulled down her pants. 

She stood before him completely bare and watched as he studied her. She knew most of the light in the room shone where she stood, that even though she could barely make out his features, he could see all of her. And she did not hide because she _loved_ him and for the night, she would imagine he loved her, too. 

Sasuke did not approach as his still-red eyes drank her in. Sakura was tired of waiting, so she moved toward him, into the shadows and pressed against him wrapping her arms about his waist. 

Sakura had never been reluctant to enter into the darkness for him. 

His hand reached up to cup the back of her head, tilting it back so he could ravish her mouth. Their tongues danced and breaths mingled, and Sakura slid a hand down to brush over his arousal lightly, before hooking her fingers into the waistband of his pants. 

Their lips parted and she kissed a trail down his chest, sliding to her knees before him as he stepped out of the garment. His fingers ran through her hair gently, before they gripped the strands tight as she took him into her mouth. Her tongue swiped over the swollen tip of him before she lowered her mouth, taking him in bit by bit. One of her hands braced against a strong thigh while the other wrapped around the base of him, squeezing gently as she slid her mouth over his thickness.

His breath choked on a gasp turned groan as she gripped him tighter with her hand and her lips. She set a slow rhythm, listening intently to his sharp gasps and muttered curses. 

When he bit out, “ _Sakura_ ,” she hummed her approval, sucking him further into her mouth. Tears pricked at her eyes but she sent a small stream of chakra to soothe her gag reflex and relax her throat so she could swallow him deeper, until her nose pressed against his pelvis.

Sasuke moaned deeply and snatched her head back, staring down into her eyes with his tomoe spinning. He was panting, and so was she but she grinned up at him, wiping saliva away from the corner of her mouth with her thumb. 

She found herself being pulled to her feet and Sasuke’s lips slanting over hers as he kissed her with abandon. All she could do was grip his shoulders to steady herself. Teeth nipped at her lips and his hand moved from her hair to press against her center, fingers gliding through the slickness gathering between her thighs. 

Sasuke pulls away from her lips, says, “Get on the bed.” She backs away on shaky legs, sinking onto the mattress and watching as he approached. 

He looked like a predator, the way his lean muscles rippled under his skin and his eyes glowed, never once moving away from her. Each sauntering step he took caused her pulse to increase in tempo and the heat between her thighs to simmer. 

She gasped when he stepped fully into the moonlight, because he was beautiful and he was _hers_ , at least here… at least for the night. Her arms reached for him as soon as he was close enough for her to touch and he settled over her body, the weight of him so comforting and exciting at once. 

He buried his face in her neck and parted her thighs with his hand before stroking over her folds gently with the tips of his fingers. He found her pearled bundle of nerves, thrumming against it softly as he sucked and nipped at the flesh of her throat. 

Sakura’s lip parted in a gasp and she whispered his name, tangling her hands in his hair as his fingers worked at her core. Her hips rolled as she sought more friction, more of _him_ to fill the emptiness inside her.

“Please,” she breathed and he moved to look into her face for a moment before kissing down her body, spreading her open more so he could fit his shoulders in-between her splayed limbs. 

Her mouth fell open in a deep moan at the first languid stroke of his tongue at her center, her teeth sinking into a kiss-swollen lip as he licked and sucked at teased her sensitive flesh. Sasuke’s ministrations pulled something occult from her body, causing her skin to tingle and her muscles to tense and undulate in response to his every move, each whispered utterance.

He slipped one finger deep inside, joined swiftly by a second and her eyelids fluttered closed. Sakura gasped and her back arched off the bed as he set up a steady pace of his thrusting fingers and torturing mouth. 

It was ridiculous how quickly she was brought to the edge, clinging to it only to prolong the pleasure, prolong the passion that seemed to light fire in her veins and her belly. A particular twist of his fingers and sound spilled from her lips like a well overflowing. Her body was an instrument in his expert hands, responding to his touches with minimal coaxing, she _sang_ for him. 

Moans and cries poured from her mouth and she reached down to tangle her hand in his hair, wanting to pull him closer and push him away simultaneously. It was too good, too intense as she felt her peak building, pressure building in her lower belly and her inner thighs beginning to tremble. Her ears were ringing, barely able to hear the sound of Sasuke’s sucking lips and the slosh of his fingers pressing into her over and over again.

Her jaw fell open in a silent cry and her grip tightened on silky black locks before moving to claw at the bedding beside her. 

Sasuke moved his mouth away and doubled the pace of his hand. She heard him say, “Come for me, _Sakura_.” And she did.

A keening moan ripped from her throat and her hands fisted the bed covers as she quivered and quaked with the force of her climax. Her eyes fluttered open but she saw nothing but sparks of color in her blurred vision, wetness slipping down the sides of her face and seeping between her legs. 

Sasuke moved up her body to take her lips with a hungry moan, his fingers never stopping their rhythm. She sobbed into his kiss, body drawing tight like a tripwire as she hurtled toward the peak again. 

“ _Sa-suke..kun_ ,” she stuttered, voice thick and wobbling, tinged with something desperate that she could not care to name. “Please, _gods please_.”

“Tell me,” he rasped against her mouth, “what do you need?”

 _I need you to fuck me, to stay with me, to want me, to_ love me.

Sakura sobbed another moan and responded, “You, Sasuke-kun.”

 _I only want you_.

Sasuke moaned deep, moving his hand away from her core to spread her wide and settle in place between her sticky thighs. 

When he slid into her body, he leaned close to her ear and murmured, “You have me.”

It was too perfect, to _good_ the way his words fed into the fantasy of her love-stricken heart. As were the brutal thrusts that caused her body to shift up toward the headboard, her toes curling and hips snapping.

Sasuke shifted, lifting one of her knees to her shoulder and angling his hips _just right_ , striking a spot so deep inside she thought she might choke on him. She was quivering, shaking so hard her teeth chattered as he sank into her, filling her ruthlessly and without pause.

Her second orgasm slammed into her with such force blackness took her vision momentarily. She blinked to clear it, looking up to see Sasuke’s face looming above, one lavender eye and one red trained on her face. His brows were furrowed and his features twisted in pleasure and concentration and she could have cried at the beauty of it.

The tears that slipped down her cheeks would be disguised easily for passion, as would the thumping of Sakura’s mourning heart as her body took in the only kind of love Sasuke would ever offer to her. Her arms wrapped around his sweat-slicked back, clutching him tight as he took her mercilessly, rendering her body and soul full to the brimming. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, pressing her lips to the flesh between his neck and shoulder.

The sound of his rough breaths and husky groans filtered to her ears like a song. She stroked her fingers over the rippling muscles of his back, digging her nails in to steady herself as he plunged into her relentlessly. Sakura could feel his heartbeat; it thundered against her breast, fast and strong and wonderful. It anchored her, the feeling of him breathing, living, _here_. Gone from the darkness and into her arms, even if just for the moment. 

For the night, for whenever his body yearned for this kind of love, this kind of devotion, Sasuke was hers. And her limbs, they spread for him, eager and ardent to welcome him home.

Two voices mingled on a sharp cry and a rumbling moan as Sasuke slid deep for the last time, nestled between her rocking hips as he spent himself deep inside. Her lashes wetted with tears unshed.

“Sakura,” he sighed. He pressed his forehead to hers, his heartbeat throbbing in her center. 

Sakura moved to press her mouth to his trembling flesh again, still quivering with the ebbing tides of her release, her lips moving against his skin, imprinting words that would forevermore remain unspoken, inked onto his body only with intention and her despondency.

_I love you, Sasuke-kun._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke's insticts are whispering to him, but he can't quite make out the words. Sakura's eyes open to the new possibilities of living for the future instead of the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! My apologies, again, for taking so long to upload this chapter. It's been a time. Please let me know what you think of the chapter, and forgive any errors because I'm posting this at 3am and it's only been rougly edited T-T

Sasuke wiped sweat from his face with the back of his hand, sitting heavily on the only patch of mostly undisturbed turf. Naruto flopped down on his back beside him with a husky chuckle.

“Tired already, teme?”Naruto asked, panting. Sasuke shot him a sideways glare, curling his lip at the shit-eating grin on the blonde’s red and slightly dirty face.

“Shut up, dobe.” he quipped. Naruto’s boisterous laugh filled the clearing and Sasuke rolled his eyes before leaning backwards, propping himself up slightly on his elbow.

“I could beat your ass more,” Naruto sighed, linking his arms behind his head and peering up at the sky. “But I figured you’d want to look pretty for Sak’ra-chan tonight.”

The mention of her name made something in his chest flutter, but for once it was not exactly in a good way. Though he was eager to see her face, hear her voice and enjoy her presence even if it meant being in a crowded bar drinking terrible liquor for what his extroverted friend deemed ‘fun’. It felt like ages since he had the chance to. 

“Hn.”

Huge, billowing clouds passed lazily overhead. The seasons were changing slowly, making the breeze cooler and the sun less hot and scalding during the day.

“ _Hn_ , what?” Naruto groaned. “Don’t tell me you pissed Sakura off somehow, bastard. We haven’t gotten together as a team in _ages_. I even got Kakashi to take the night off to join us!”

“The Hokage coming to a bar to get drunk with his former students?” Sasuke glanced over at Naruto, “Classy.”

“Don’t change the subject,” Naruto sat up, whipping to the side to glare down at the Uchiha. “Is Sakura mad at you or something? You mad at her?”

“Of course I’m not mad at Sakura,” Sasuke scoffed. “I don’t know if she’s upset, but she seems...different.”

He let himself fall fully on his back, peering up at the sky as he pondered his own words. It had been two days since he’d last seen her for more than a brief moment and not for lack of trying. Sasuke had sought her out at her home during the evenings, hoping to spend time with her after her shifts. Twice he found that her home seemed empty, her chakra signature nowhere to be found. Once, he’d crossed paths with her as she walked home. He escorted her there, they made love once and she had risen from the bed almost immediately after, asking in a quiet voice if he would refrain from staying the night.

_‘I don’t mean to be rude, Sasuke-kun. I’m just very tired.’_

Sasuke glanced to his side to find Naruto peering at him expectantly. 

“Okay, different how, bastard?” Naruto demanded. 

“None of your business,” Sasuke snapped. Naruto simply narrowed his eyes.

“Sasuke,” he said warningly. “If you fucked up and you don’t know how, having two brains to help you figure out how to fix it would be best.”

“You mean one and a half,” Sasuke muttered. He was being petulant, partially distracted by his own musings regarding Sakura’s behavior.

Naruto continued as if he hadn’t spoken, reaching over to poke him in a slightly sore rib, “Look, teme, tell me before I kick your ass again.”

Sasuke considered taking the bait and engaging his friend in a spar, but the memory of Sakura’s quiet voice and reticence stopped him.

He sighed deeply, throwing an arm over his face. His cheeks felt warm and everything in him groaned in protest as he began to share.

“She seems distant,” Sasuke sighed again. “It’s possible I’m just...reading it wrong. But I feel as if she is avoiding me.” He peeked under his arm to examine Naruto’s reaction.

“Since when?’ Naruto asked, his brow furrowing. His expression did nothing to soothe the anxiety biting at the inside of Sasuke’s ribcage.

“After I walked her home Sunday night,” Sasuke supplied. “I tried visiting her place both Monday and Tuesday during the evening, but she was either working late or out both times.”

“Geez, teme, even me and Hinata don’t see each other _every day_ ,” Naruto scoffed. “But I guess if you haven’t seen her this whole week…”

Sasuke grit his teeth before replying, “I saw her Wednesday.”

Naruto groaned and Sasuke covered his eyes once more, “Then what the hell is the problem?”

_I miss her. Even when she’s standing in front of me, somehow I miss her._

“The _problem_ is the way she acted when I did see her, idiot,” his voice was a hiss, his frustration and worry making him agitated. He was confused and his most accessible emotion was annoyance. Naruto was the best person to take that out on, always. “And the fact that I haven’t seen her _since_.”

“Okay, teme, don’t get your panties in a bunch. What happened when you saw her? An argument? Cold shoulder, silent treatment, what?”

“We had dinner, spent some time together after that, then she asked me to leave.”

Naruto pulled Sasuke’s arm from his face, ignoring the deadly glare sent his way.

“You’ve gotta be leaving something out,” Naruto narrowed his eyes, tone accusatory. “You had to have done something between dinner and leaving for her to kick you out. What did you guys do while ‘hanging’ or whatever? You didn’t joke about civilians or something right? She tried to kill me when I did that once.”

“She should have killed you, idiot,” Sasuke growled, snatching his arm away. “Nothing… out of the ordinary happened. It was only after, that it felt odd.”

“After..?” Naruto urged. Sasuke rolled his eyes to the heavens, wishing he had just kept his mouth shut.

“After we made love,” Sasuke mumbled. His face burned, but he managed to keep his voice steady. “I usually ask to stay the night, and she almost always says yes. Sometimes she’ll say no because she has an early shift. She’s never _asked_ me to leave before.”

Sasuke’s admission was met with silence. Naruto was staring at him as if he had grown an extra head.

“Sasuke,” he said, slowly. “You’re telling me Sakura, who you think is _mad_ at you, had _sex with you_ and you’re being a broody ass just because she didn’t wanna cuddle after?”

Sasuke started to stand, determined to leave and preserve his last shred of pride. 

“Okay, _okay_ ,” Naruto sprang up to tug him forcibly back down to the ground. 

If Naruto caught a sharp swipe to the jaw, it was no one’s fault but his own. 

“Asshole,” Naruto growled, shoving Sasuke’s shoulder hard. “I really, really want to fuck you up for that, but _talking_ is the way friends are supposed to solve conflict and work through issues, apparently. And obviously you’ve got some issues.” 

“I doubt you can actually be of any use,” he responded, ripping at the blades of grass by his leg. “Idiot.”

“Well _my_ girlfriend isn’t mad at me,” Naruto shrugs. “But if she was I can say she _definitely_ wouldn’t even let me get close to touching her. So, that might be a good sign that Sakura isn’t _that_ pissed.”

“Hn,” Sasuke grunted, pushing a hand through his hair in agitation. “There is something going on, but I just...don’t know.” 

Silence settled over them. Sasuke could practically hear the wheels turning in Naruto’s brain and he sighed, pressing his forehead against his hand. 

“I have a question,” Naruto sounded hesitant and it made Sasuke’s stomach feel like lead because the hairbrained blonde was _never_ known to think about what he would say before blurting it out.

He met blue eyes and nodded apprehensively. 

“Have you...still not told her?” Naruto questioned, staring at him with a peculiar expression. Sasuke stared back for a moment before glancing away.

“She knows how I feel,” Sasuke said quietly. 

“Does she?” Naruto asked, a concerned note to his voice that set Sasuke on edge.

This conversation was humiliating and uncomfortable enough without Naruto questioning the way he expressed his feelings, the way he and his lover showed each _other_ the depth of their care. Naruto, who usually understood Sasuke the best, would never get _this_. 

“Sasuke, listen,” Naruto sighed, “even if you’re sure she knows how you feel… saying the words can’t hurt.”

“But what if they can,” Sasuke whispered. He met his friend’s gaze again. “Everyone I’ve- who was precious to me is dead.”

“I’m still here,” Naruto smiled, and Sasuke felt both light and heavy at the same time. Because Naruto was the sun and he was the shadows. He lived in his emotions with an exuberance and audacity so tangible that it managed to tame even the demon residing in his belly into kindness. Naruto used love like a weapon, shielding and protecting his precious people.

Sasuke did not like to think of himself as a superstitious man, but his love had never been able to save anyone.

“It’s different,” was all Sasuke could say. 

“It’s not,” Naruto replied immediately. “Well, okay, it is. But, different because Sakura is, like, your soul mate or whatever. But she’s not going to _die_ because you say you love her.”

“We have never needed words,” he huffed a breath. Sasuke did not like how defensive he sounded in his own ears. “What we have, it’s deeper than that. I know how Sakura feels because she’s shown me for years. The fact that she’s stuck around after all this time, after everything I’ve done… that tells me more than words could ever say. I left with a promise to come back and when I came back here--for her-- she knew what that meant.”

After all they’d gone through, it couldn’t be three inconsequential words that were causing this change in Sakura now. It had never been their way-- Sasuke never needed to speak the exact words for Sakura to know his deepest thoughts and feelings. One look, an action, even a specific kind of silence had always been enough.

Sasuke looked back to his friend, who stared at him with a frustrating mixture of pity and annoyance. 

Naruto sighed, “I don’t know. I won’t pretend to know how you and Sakura’s relationship works because you’re probably two of the most confusing people in this entire village. But I think it’s nice to remind people of the things they might already know. Just because it makes them feel good. And, after all this time… I think Sakura-chan deserves that. She deserves everything.” 

“I know what she deserves,” Sasuke muttered. “Much more than me, much more than I could ever hope to give her. But she chose me despite everything, and I would never forsake that. You of all people should know that.” 

“Alright, teme,” Naruto sighed again, throwing his hands up in a kind of surrender. “Maybe it was just a one time thing, maybe something outside of your relationship is bugging her. Just… be there for her, talk to her about it.”

Sasuke nodded. Naruto stood and offered him lunch at his place, but Sasuke waved him away, muttering something about chores and some solo-training. He sat alone at the training ground for a long while before gathering his gear and dragging himself home.

As he walked through the village, he pondered Naruto’s words. He wondered briefly if he was just imagining things, finding problems where none existed. 

But Sasuke watched her, always. He took note of every expression, each glint of her eyes and twitch of her lips. It was obvious to him that she had become withdrawn. Her smiles were less bright and she spoke very little when they were in each other’s presence. The only time things felt somewhat normal was when they made love. And even that was different. Sasuke noticed that she did not hold onto him so tightly, preferring to grip her hands in the sheets, to give him her back instead of kissing and whispering sweet nothings against his lips. It was difficult to catch her gaze and impossible to hold it without her turning her face away, even as she moaned and called out to him. Joining bodies felt like just that, and the physical connection was beautiful, but left him cold and empty in places beyond. 

He was left wondering for how long she had been pulling away, if he had been missing something for a very long time. Sasuke nearly scoffed at that thought, because he had missed _everything_ for a long time, but his mind was fixated on finding the moment, the singular transgression that had made Sakura treat him like a stranger when he had been enjoying the privilege of coming to know her again. 

An unsettling feeling was rising like a slow tide in his chest, and he had to breathe deeply and clench his jaw to push it down. Something was wrong, and he did not understand what it was, and how serious it could be. 

What Sasuke did know is that of all the pain he had endured, Sakura’s departure from his life was the most unimaginable, would be the most unbearable. The thought set him on edge, causing his muscles to tense, so much to change his gait as he stalked toward his residence. Confusion and frustration and longing circled like a whirlpool in his mind. Feelings he thought long buried were building inside him. He felt inadequate, unworthy, forever falling behind and coming up short even when he had been extended patience and grace beyond his understanding. 

_What would Father think of him, if he saw him now?_

Maybe he was being obsessive, reading danger where there was none because of his own traumas and many shortcomings, but with her, the blossom-haired woman who held the best of him in her hands, he could never be too cautious. He could only see light in himself when it was through her green eyes. Losing her would mean falling back into darkness, that starless, never ending night, and with her gone and Naruto living in love and the daytime, who would pull him back out again?

Sasuke arrived at his home and swept into the cool and unwelcoming apartment swiftly. He sat in his practically bare living room, settling on the floor with crossed legs. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, circulating his chakra, expanding his consciousness and awareness of each pathway. 

Gradually, his muscles relaxed and the noise in his mind quieted. Another thing he had Sakura to thank for-- she taught him the benefit of using chakra meditation for more than increasing and strengthening one's jutsu capabilities. She had told him, one dark night as he sat on the floor next to her bed shaking in the aftershocks of a nightmare, that he did not have to seek escape from the terror behind his eyes, the noises plaguing his mind, that he could use what he knew best to overcome it and bring him clarity and comfort. 

_Feel that, Sasuke-kun_ , she’d said as she clasped his hand and allowed her chakra to flow alongside his, in tandem. _You’re here, with me. And more importantly, you’re here with yourself. Not where your fear and pain is trying to take you. Feel the chakra in your veins, feel how we can make it flow. It is in our control._

It was a while that he sat there, calming himself bit by bit before he slowly opened his eyes, exiting his meditative state. The clarity of mind was welcomed, but his concern still lingered. Only now it was not impending doom he sensed, but a problem that he had to figure out and solve. Because if Sakura was hurting, he wanted to soothe her pain. If she was angry with him, he wanted to know why so he might do better by her. 

Sasuke would have to approach her tonight, when he knew he would have the opportunity. If it was a misunderstanding, the product of his overthinking and cynical mind, he would handle whatever embarrassment he was due. 

He just wanted to hold her close again for the sake of it, and look into her wide, green eyes and see the look that had anchored him when his past and the unpredictability of his future made the world bleak and he felt as if he would simply fade away to dissipate in the shadows. 

~

The sound of heels hitting the pavement was a cheap mimicry of the _th-thump_ , _th-thump_ , _th-thump_ of Sakura’s heart beat. She sucked in a steadying breath, slowing her steps as not to disturb her hair or the makeup she had so painstakingly applied at Ino’s suggestion.

‘ _You’re hot, but tonight you have to look_ **_smoking_ ** _.’_

Sakura hoped Ino would be proud. She’d shimmied into a borrowed dress--and ‘borrowed’ meant bullied into taking it from Ino’s hands as the blonde chased her down before she left the hospital after her early shift. It was a skin tight, rather risque number, but Sakura did not have the time nor the faculties to think about it. She could breath in it, eat in it and with a little adjustments, could likely fight in it, too, if necessary.

When it came to any clothing that wasn’t standard shinobi gear, that was all a kunoichi could ask for. 

Sakura felt all sorts of ridiculous as she meandered toward a newish restaurant that she had never been to. It was slightly out of the way of Konoha’s main shopping center, and she rarely had time or desire to visit sit-down places anyway. 

But this was a date. She was meeting a man, one who wanted to court her. And all she had to identify him by was his name and Ino’s rather unhelpful description. 

‘ _Tall, red-haired and_ **_sexy_ ** _bitch.’_

Sakura made a turn down an alley lined with bright lights, coming to stand before the restaurant Ino had directed her to. It was smaller than she had expected, with a glass front and tastefully bright signs highlighting its name. 

She awkwardly glanced about the entrance, scanning over the trickle of people entering, exiting or lingering outside. No red hair was to be found and she felt a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach.

“Haruno-san?” a deep voice spoke behind her, causing her spine to stiffen.

Sakura turned slowly, swallowing thickly as a shy smile spread across her face. She studied the nin as he approached. His hair was a shock of red, cut short on the sides. He was indeed tall, Sakura noted, as she had to tip her head slightly to meet his gaze as he came to stand before her. The eyes that met hers were a warm, honey-brown.

 _Ino was_ **_right_ ** _._

“Haruno-san, it’s good to meet you. Sato Hikaru at your service,” he dipped his head to her, a bright smile taking his face.

“No need to use my surname,” she corrected softly as the man approached. “A pleasure to meet you, Hikaru-san.”

“Just Hikaru,” he smiled again. Sakura blushed as his eyes scanned over her form quickly before his warm gaze flitted back to hers. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she replied, feeling bashful. It felt like she was the protagonist in one of those movies Ino loved to watch. 

“Let’s go inside?” he offered after a few seconds of semi-awkward silence. Sakura nodded eagerly.

They took their seats and were immediately presented with menus and offered drinks. Sakura asked for something sweet with minimal alcohol, not wanting to become inebriated on the first meeting. 

Hikaru ordered the same thing, to her surprise. 

“I have a bit of a sweet tooth,” he winked. Sakura’s cheeks warmed and she chuckled, turning to her menu to find a dish. 

She took longer than she needed to stare at the menu and choose something to order. After the waiter came with their drinks and left again with their menus, Sakura busied herself with taking multiple dainty sips of the cool, sweet liquid. Then she clasped her hands under the table, trying to hide the fact that they were trembling. Her nerves made her quiet, mostly humming in response as her date filled the silence with small talk, about the weather, the newness of the restaurant.

“Can I be honest?’ Hikaru asked after another silence settled over them. Sakura felt dread curdling in my stomach.

_I’ve ruined it already. Ino will never let me live this down._

All she could muster was a hesitant nod. Hikaru sighed, pressing both palms to the table and leaning forward, speaking in a low voice that was only audible to her because of his proximity.

“I’m very nervous,” he confessed, and Sakura found herself slightly dazed as she stared at his honey-like irises, framed with dark, thick lashes. “I’ve been wanting to get to know you for a while, but I never thought it would actually happen. Now that we’re here I… I just didn’t think this far ahead.” 

A shocked laugh spurted from Sakura’s mouth. 

“You know,” she started with a shy grin, “I’m really glad I’m not the only one who’s nervous.”

Hikaru smiled widely, leaning back in his seat with a laugh of his own. The shyness and apprehension melted away as the evening went on.

Sakura was having a good time. She found herself laughing so hard she nearly choked on her beverage, much to Hikaru’s concern. After the initial small talk, conversation came easy as they enjoyed their meal and a few more drinks. 

They spoke about their careers, of course, because no two shinobi could have a conversation without _something_ triggering a mission-went-bad story, or a recounting of the time luck was on their side. He was an accomplished shinobi, which excited Sakura, despite herself. He also slightly hero-worshipped her which was a rare and startling thing. Being a rookie among the Konoha 13 meant that Sakura was no stranger to feeling inferior to her fellow shinobi, especially her teammates. 

But here, in this dimly lit restaurant that smelled of spices and fruity drinks, Sakura was more than the deadweight of a team, or the only civilian born among a class of elite shinobi. 

It was an odd feeling, to feel _young again_ when she was only just at the precipice of her entrance into adulthood. But her youth had been nothing but an escalation of tragedy and responsibility. The shinobi lifestyle brought with it much honor and fulfillment, but it left her feeling empty in many ways. Girls from her district were learning to dance while she was being taught all the ways to kill an enemy. What would have been the age she had her first kiss was spent having her bones broken and healed and rebroken again and again by the living legend they called Princess. She knew how to break a man before she ever had a moment to think about how to touch one. 

Sitting here, cheeks flushed with laughter and a light buzz, Sakura felt like a woman. Not a kunoichi, although she was proud, _always_ , to be that. But in the moment, she gazed at the man in front of her, all but a stranger, and she felt more carefree than she had in years. There was no history between them, no drawn-out series of instances and exchanges to inform her conduct. 

Their time came to its end as the sun set outside the window, replaced by the bright, full moon hanging low in the sky. Hikaru scoffed at Sakura’s attempt to contribute to the bill, offering his hand as they rose from the table and exited the restaurant. She declined his offer to escort her home, mentioning she had plans with friends that night.

Gooseflesh rose about her arms and shoulders, and she was unsure if it was due to the night breeze or the way the man in front of her was staring down at her, with his deep, glistening eyes.

“I hope it isn’t too weird to say,” Hikaru spoke softly, still holding gently onto the tips of her fingers. His eyes studied her face before shifting down toward the ground.

“You’ve met Ino, right?” she laughed, catching his gaze. “Nothing you say could weird me out at this point.”

The low chuckle she got in response was very pleasing to her ears. 

“Well,” Hikaru breathed. “I told you I’ve been interested in meeting you for a while. I even imagined what it would be like the day I got to take you out. I had these scenarios of what it would be like to actually talk with you, how you would act.” 

His eyes were downcast again, slightly darkened cheeks illuminated in the glow of the neon signs around them. 

“Ah,” Sakura nodded slowly, glancing away for a moment before looking back with a smile. “Sorry if I’ve disappointed.”

“No,” he shook his head vehemently. A stray curl fell down on his forehead, promptly pushed back as he went on, “You’ve exceeded expectations, but...not in the way I had thought.”

“What had you thought?” Sakura’s eyes furrowed, confused.

“I expected you to act like a legend,” he replied. “Larger than life. Because that’s what you are. _Legendary_ . Everyone has heard the stories, you defeated a member of the Akatsuki as a teen, were vital to our victory in the war. People say you punched the rabbit goddess in the face. But… spending time with you, you’d never know. You’re so humble and _normal_ , it’s startling.”

Sakura blinked at him, unsure how to respond. She had never been the target of such praise or admiration. Many appreciated her status as a medic and she had been thanked for her service in the war, but this level of idolatry was usually preserved for Naruto, the true hero of Leaf.

“Well, I’m flattered,” she started, carefully. “But I think you give me more credit than I’m due. I try to do my duty as a shinobi, as a healer. I’m proud of my accomplishments like anyone would be, but I also recognize that there were many before me that did so much more, and there will be many more than that after me as well.”

“See?” Hikaru shook his head, looking at her with an expression that made her feel as if he could see the sinew and muscle beneath her skin. “Ridiculously humble.”

Sakura opened her mouth to respond but found words being caught in her throat as Hikaru took a step closer to her, tugging gently on her fingers until her entire hand rested in his. She peered up into his eyes as he slowly brought her hand up, pressing a soft kiss against her knuckles. 

“It has been an honor and a pleasure to spend time with you tonight,” he murmured, slowly bringing their hands down. “I hope you’ll allow me to see you again.”

His fingertips brushed against her palm as his hand slid away and she automatically cradled her hand against her chest. A wide smile spread his lips and she noted that they looked just as soft as they’d felt against her skin.

“Sure,” she managed. “I-it would be nice to see you again. I would like to.”

“Perfect,” he smiled again, dipping his chin to her. “Good night, Sakura.”

She muttered her own goodbye, trying her best to look cool and collected despite feeling his eyes on her as she walked away. A quick glance up at the darkened sky told her that by this time, her team would likely have made it to the bar already. Dinner had lasted longer than she had anticipated-- she had planned for enough time to go home and change into something slightly more casual than the dress she currently wore.

Sakura could not bring herself to regret the length of the night, even as her guilt nipped at her for her tardiness. It had been well worth it, much to her surprise. 

She made her way to the bar on autopilot, her mind occupied with the events of the night playing like a movie in her brain. 

~

Sasuke nursed what he thought was his third-fourth?-drink of the night, rolling his eyes as Naruto bellowed a laugh at something Kakashi said. It was _not_ that funny. Every attempt to engage him in their stupid conversation or an equally stupid drinking contest was met with a scowl. He had just barely consumed enough alcohol to be able to tolerate the noise and ambiance without wanting to hit someone, so he figured he was due his solace. 

He glanced about his surroundings for the umpteenth time, stiffening when he finally glimpsed a familiar head of petal-pink hair amongst the crowd of bodies. 

It was as if all the noise and the other people in the space disappeared when Sakura stepped fully into his view. The only sounds he could hear was the thumping of his heart and sharp breath taken through his nose.

A blood-red dress clung to her like a second skin, and left much of hers exposed in the dim, cool lights of the bar. Absent her headband, pale locks framed her face and spilled over her bare shoulders, swaying with each step she took toward them. Small feet were clad in what looked like half-weapons, half-shoes; tall, thin contraptions that made her legs look miles long and reminded him just how strong they felt wrapped about his waist. 

Viridian irises met his as his gaze moved slowly back up to her face. She glanced away quickly, but he continued to watch as she came close to where he and his companions were seated.

Her lips were red, too, like sun-ripened tomatoes or sweet, sliced apples and he wanted nothing more than to taste.

“SAKURA-CHAN!” Naruto yelled, catching sight of her as she neared their table. He slammed his drink down and vaulted toward her with a crushing embrace. “YOU MADE IT!”

A dainty-looking hand patted the idiot’s shoulder and she laughed, “Of course! Sorry I’m late.”

Naruto babbled loudly in her ear, holding her all the while as she laughed and nodded appeasingly. They spun around and Sasuke noted the way her dress dipped to her lower back, leaving the smooth skin bare to his gaze. 

His blonde-haired, shit-faced friend finally pulled away from Sakura after what must have been several minutes. He made a show of squinting at her for a moment before his eyes popped open wide in shock.

“You’re all dressed up!” he gaped. “And you’ve got some lip paint on!”

“I think the correct term is _lipstick_ , Naruto,” Kakashi drawled, rising to greet her with a pat on her head. “You do look very nice, Sakura-chan. Hot date?”

Naruto shoved his elbow into Kakashi’s side, distracting the older man as he whined playfully. Sasuke gazed at the way her cheeks flushed slightly, fingers itching to feel the softness of them.

“Stop looking at her, you pervert, you’re like a hundred years old,” Naruto quipped, grabbing Sakura by the elbow and all but shoving her into the booth, right beside Sasuke.

Sakura fell against Sasuke’s side with a quiet _oof_. She mumbled an apology, fumbling to right herself. 

He placed his hand against the exposed skin of her lower back to steady her, lingering for only a moment before reaching to grab a cup to pour her a drink.

“Sakura,” he greeted, holding her gaze as he presented her with the glass. 

“Oh, thank you, Sasuke-kun,” she mumbled, fingers brushing his as she reached for the drink. Her eyes slipped away from his as she looked toward their teammate and former sensei.

“I suppose I’ll have to catch up to you all, since I arrived so late,” she announced. 

She cleared her throat delicately and stood tossing the entire glass into her mouth ceremoniously, much to the amusement of Naruto and the lazy old man.

“Sasuke-kun?” she asked, and he was entirely too pleased to hear her speaking to him directly. “Another please.”

He dutifully refilled her outstretched cup, shaking his head when she guzzled it down only to hold her hand out to him again. 

“Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi sighed, wagging a playful finger at the woman as she downed her fourth drink. “Don’t go too fast, now. Your old sensei doesn’t plan on carrying any of his old students home tonight.”

“Oh, Hokage- _sama_ ,” Sakura placed her free hand on her chest as she waited for Sasuke to fill her cup. “I’m actually pacing myself. You know, in case I have to carry _you_ home.”

Sasuke’s lip twitched and he sighed before pouring himself a drink and sucking it down, with much less ease than his pink-haired paramour. 

“Oh, students,” Kakashi lamented, raising his own glass with a forlorn set to his eyes. “They become elite shinobi and just lose all respect for their sensei. Where’s the reverence? The piety?”

“You’re just sad that I can drink you under the table, old man,” Sakura scoffed. She polished off her next drink with a flourish. “I wasn’t apprentice to Tsunade-sama for _nothing_.”

“Less talking, more getting fucked up!” Naruto exclaimed. “You too, bastard. Or can you not hold your liquor?”

Sasuke glared at the blonde as Sakura giggled, stepping away to stand near Kakashi. 

“Of course I can, idiot.”

Sasuke could not hold his liquor. Not an hour passed before Sasuke found himself feeling rather unsteady on his feet, even as he remained seated. All he could do was rest his face heavily on his fist and blink blearily at his friends as they fussed about something that was not registering in his liquor swollen mind.

His eyes were drawn to Sakura as she laughed loudly, teetering over from the bar seat she had taken up to chat with someone else who had apparently joined their outing. There were quite a few semi-recognizable faces around him that had trickled into his awareness as the civilian crowd had filtered out throughout the night.

The only face he could focus on clearly was Sakura’s and he smiled slightly as that lovely face got closer. She sat beside him, but not close enough to feel her warmth like he would like. A grin rested on her face as she watched Kakashi and Naruto’s terribly unsuccessful staring contest with shining eyes.

His hand must have acquired a mind of its own, because it reached out to her without his express permission. A single finger trailed down the line of her spine, hooking into the back of her dress where it rested just above her rear.

Her back stiffened and she looked at him over her shoulder, startled. It felt like a fire was lit inside him when her gaze settled on him. 

“Sasuke-kun?” she murmured, turning slightly in her seat to face him more fully. His hand slid from her back with her movements, her skin feeling like silk against his. “You okay?”

“You’re beautiful,” he replied. Her already flushed cheeks turned redder as he continued, “Tonight, you look especially beautiful.”

Once again, he found himself running his eyes over her form. It was dark, and drink had muddled most of his senses but he could still _see_ her and that was a blessing to him, always. His hand reached out to catch a stray lock of pastel pink clinging to her cheek, twirling it around his finger briefly before smoothing it behind a smooth shoulder. As he followed the sluggish movement of his hand, he caught sight of the barely visible beauty mark that identified one of his favorite places to press his lips and tongue.

“Thank you, Sasuke-kun,” she gave him a small smile, and he smiled back because it never failed to make him feel warm and light inside to know he could put such an expression on her face.

“This dress,” he disliked the slur of his speech, so he punctuated with a finger slipping under the thin strap resting on her shoulder to ensure she knew what he was talking about. 

“Oh,” Sakura glanced down at herself as if she forgot she was wearing it. “This thing, it’s Ino’s. Definitely not something I’d pick out myself, but she said it would make me look hot.”

Sasuke was further pleased, because Sakura was speaking more to him in this conversation than she had all week. He had missed the sound of her voice, so he savored it, his ears straining to focus on the sound amongst the noise around them.

“Ino is right,” he nodded, mostly to himself. 

A shy giggle spilled from her mouth before she muttered another thanks. He watched her mouth intently as it moved to form more words, blinking confusedly when she began to rise from her seat.

“You’re leaving?” he asked, and perhaps if he were sober he would have worried about the desperate note to his voice. Now, he was too drunk and too needy for Sakura’s presence to care.

“I promised Naruto another round, and I think he’s figured out that I’ve been hiding,” she rushed out, throwing him an apologetic grimace. “Come, join us at the bar, you’ve been keeping to yourself too much!”

Anyone else making such a request would have been ignored, but for her, Sasuke dutifully rose from his seat. He only paused for a brief second to stop the room from spinning before pacing after her and taking a seat on a tall stool beside her.

“It’s nice to get together like this,” Sakura spoke, sliding a shot of something that smelled very strong toward him and the two others. “I’m glad that I was able to call you all my team and that I’ll always be able to call you my friends and precious people.”

“Not ‘was’,” Naruto corrected, and his words were slurred but like usual, they were filled with a kind of passion that one could almost taste and feel. “We’ll always be Team 7, dattebayo! No one will ever replace you guys, you’re all the _best_ thing that could have ever happened to a dead-last, orphan genin like me.” 

“Maa, Naruto, you’re going to make your old sensei all emotional,” Kakashi chuckled. He picked up his glass and leaned forward on the bartop to look at all his former students beside him. “To Team 7.”

Sasuke repeated the toast, swallowing down the bitter drink despite knowing he had already far surpassed his limit. It was difficult to keep up when his team was apparently full of heavy drinkers with seemingly no limit to be found.

Kakashi choked after guzzling down his drink, causing Sakura to lean heavily on the bartop, shaking with peals of laughter. Naruto guffawed, slapping the Hokage on the back. 

Sasuke found himself laughing along with them, feeling warm and light. It could have been the alcohol, but he thought that it was mostly due to the feeling of spending time with his comrades, and seeing Sakura smile so wide, with flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. 

As if sensing his gaze on her, she turned her head, still grinning even as Kakashi and Naruto bantered about something else. He smiled back.

His eyes bore into hers, and Sasuke felt as if he was drowning in the green of them. The noise around him faded, as if it were only he and her. His heart lurched when he saw the smile slip slowly from her face. She stared back at him for a moment longer, and something shifted in her eyes. 

Before Sasuke’s muddled mind could catch up to the change in her, Sakura was moving from her seat, muttering something about air before walking swiftly to a semi-concealed set of stairs in a darkened corner of the bar and disappearing.

Sasuke stared at the place she had retreated to for a long moment before turning back to the bar and staring down at his empty cup. He was vaguely aware of Kakashi excusing himself before Naruto shoved against his side and pestered him about having another drink, loudly, in his ear.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some lessons are learned from teaching, some through experience. Sakura takes hers from the latter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPRISE! Two chapters up at the same time. It was going to be one but it would have been LONG so...here you go lovelies! Thank you for reading, please let me know if you enjoy! <3

Sakura walked out onto the balcony with heavy steps, the cool air feeling refreshing against her heated, liquor flushed skin. She pressed her forearms against a cool railing, staring blearily out at the darkened streets of the village. Her head was fuzzy at best, yet it managed to fixate on the exact things she did not want to think about, especially not tonight.

It felt as if the image of Sasuke’s dark, heavy-lidded eyes running over her body was etched into her foggy brain. He had been so obvious-- looking at her like he would in the bedroom when their teammate and their former sensei could easily see. Sakura was glad that Naruto and Kakashi were drunk and distracted so they hadn’t seen the way Sasuke had stared and the way she had flushed in response.

Sakura’s head lolled slightly, her gaze shifting from overlooking the rooftops to staring down at the strappy contraptions Ino called shoes. A sloppy grin took her lips as she felt herself becoming drunker by the second, all the drinks were finally catching up to her at once.

It had been a while since Team 7 had an outing such as this, since she had been drunk like this. That occasion marked the day Sasuke had returned to the Hidden Leaf after his self-imposed exile of redemption. They had come to this same bar, drinking and laughing and bantering. Eventually, it seemed as if their entire generation of shinobi had overtaken the space, celebrating the return of a long-lost friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend. Everyone was happy, everyone was  _ smashed _ . Sasuke had been staring at Sakura that night, too.

~~

_ Sakura had a niggling sensation at the back of her neck, causing her to become distracted from Ino’s joking. Her own giggles faltered as she swiveled her head around the room, peering at the laughing faces of her former classmates. Her eyes were drawn to a darkened corner in the room, where one person sat apart from the rest. _

_ Dark eyes met hers, as if they had been looking at her already. A few long moments passed, their gazes never parting before Sakura absentmindedly excused herself, moving from her seat to approach the dark-haired man. _

_ It was with practiced ease that she walked to him without stumbling. Although she did misjudge when taking a seat beside him in the booth, falling against his side slightly.  _

_ Sasuke’s lone hand came up to clasp the side of her waist, steadying her as she tittered an apology. He simply nodded, but did not remove his hand once she had righted herself. She gulped quietly at the feel of his large hand pressed against her side-- she could feel the heat of it through the fabric of her clothes. _

_ “Are you alright, Sasuke-kun?” she asked quietly, wincing internally at the elongation of her syllables.  _

_ “Hn,” he grunted, before replying, “I don’t drink often.” _

_ It was still startling to her how deep his voice was now, husky with what she assumed was disuse and what he’d had to drink. He spoke more slowly, too, with the tiniest bit of a slur detectable. _

_ She grinned, turning slightly to look at his face better. His hand was moved from its position against her side. _

_ “Too drunk? Is Sasuke-kun a lightweight?” she questioned playfully, blinking when his lips turned into a slight frown. She internally kicked herself. _

_ Perhaps it was too soon to be teasing. It had been years since she’d last had a conversation with Sasuke, and she wasn’t Naruto… _

_ “Not all of us were trained by the drunken Princess Tsunade,” he drawled. It took Sakura a moment to recognize the joke for what it was. _

_ She grinned, “I suppose I might have picked up some of her habits and her tolerance. That doesn’t explain you sitting all alone in this corner. Why not join us over there? We’re celebrating you being home, you know. Everyone is so happy that you’ve returned.” _

_ “Are you?” his voice was low and those eyes were on her again. The intensity of his stare was nearly unnerving, had it not been so familiar. _

_ “Am I?” she questioned, her brows furrowed in confusion. _

_ “Happy,” he clarified, “that I have returned.” _

_ “Of course, Sasuke-kun,” she nodded vigorously. “We are all so, so happy to see you back.” _

_ Sasuke shook his head, simply peering down at her face. _

_ Suddenly, he reached toward her face, two fingers tapping lightly against her forehead. She felt blood rush to her cheeks and her eyes darted to the side before meeting his once again. _

_ “I wasn’t asking about everyone,” he said. The corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile and Sakura’s heart thudded in her chest.  _

_ “I am happy,” she whispered, as if her mind’s caution could not hold back her tongue. “I’ve...missed you very much.”  _

_ Sakura hoped the dimness of the booth hid the redness of her cheeks, and wished that she could free herself from his gaze. Her eye remained locked on his dark ones, the lavender of the rinnegan bright in the darkness as it peeked through the strands of his black hair. _

_ Sasuke finally looked away, and Sakura sat up straighter, following his eyes as he watched their blonde, extremely drunk friend stumble his way to them. _

_ “Teme,” Naruto slurred, slamming a glass bottle on the table. “Stop being such a broody bastard and have a drink with me. And get out of this corner! You’ve even got Sakra-chan hiding with you!” _

_ “I’ve had multiple drinks with you, idiot,” Sasuke sighed. “I am perfectly fine where I am.” _

_ “You’re such an ass,” Naruto sighed back. He sloppily poured something strong into Sasuke’s empty cup. He offered Sakura a glass as well. “Have one more drink with me and I’ll leave you two weirdos alone.”  _

_ “Fine,” Sasuke said after a moment’s hesitation.  _

_ Sakura grabbed her own cup with a smile, “This one will be my last, I think. It’s nearing 3am and I had an early shift.” _

_ “Aw Sakra-chan!” Naruto cried. “You’re not even drunk like me!” _

_ “That’s because I hold my drink better, Naruto,” she teased. Naruto laughed heartily and she thought she heard a quiet snort from Sasuke. _

_ “To teammates,” Naruto chuckled, holding up his glass, liquid sloshing slightly about the brim. “It’s good to be back together again.” _

_ Sakura murmured his toast, swallowing her drink down. It felt smooth going down her throat and made her belly and chest feel warm.  _

_ Sasuke finished his drink the slowest, making a slightly sour face that had Sakura biting back laughter. _

_ “Well, then,” she rose from her seat with a huff. “I’ll be going. Sasuke-kun, Naruto, it’s been a great time.” _

_ “Bye, Sakra-chan,” Naruto mumbled forlornly, swaying over to squish her against his side in a brief hug. “Don’t be a stranger. It’s like only the hospital sees you these days.” _

_ Sakura rolled her eyes, “I won’t.” She detached herself and shooed Naruto off toward his own table as he playfully tried to cling to her. She turned to give Sasuke a brief smile before starting to make her way toward the exit. _

_ “Sakura,” Sasuke spoke, his voice pausing her in her tracks. She looked back to see him moving from the table, toward her. “I’ll walk you home.” _

_ “Oh!” she gasped, peering at him as he came to stand in front of her. “No, Sasuke-kun, it’s fine. Stay here and enjoy your night.” _

_ He simply shook his head. She startled when he placed his hand at the base of her back, turning her toward the exit and urging her forward with a gentle pressure. The hand stayed against her back and he walked closely behind her as they moved through the crowded bar and did not move until they stepped into the night. _

_ Sakura began walking toward her apartment, her thoughts spinning about her head. He was walking close to her, she could feel the heat of him as well as the powerful chakra that rested beneath his skin. It was almost abrasive for its sheer presence, but it was also comfortingly familiar. It helped that the sinister feeling she got during their few encounters as teenagers no longer seemed to exist. _

_ “Sasuke-kun, you really don’t need to walk me home. I would have been fine by myself,” she insisted, even as they made their way through the quiet streets.  _

_ “I know,” he replied. He said nothing else.  _

_ Sakura envied his composure. While he seemed totally unaffected by their proximity (her presence, really), it was difficult for her to contain herself. Her eyes kept flitting up to his face, running over his features. He had matured, his height and stature not being the only thing that had changed in his years away. Even his face had become different, the sharpness of his jaw and prominence of his cheekbones new to her. He looked like a  _ man _ , but also so much like the boy she had loved.  _

_ The boy she  _ still  _ loved. _

_ Sakura’s fingers twitched with the urge to touch him, so she clasped her hands behind her back and glanced away. _ __

_ As she tried to reign in the reactions of her body and the yearning of her heart, she could not help her eyes from wandering to his face again. This time, dark eyes met hers and she jerked her head the opposite way, flushing madly. _

_ “Sakura,” Sasuke called and she slowly glanced back at him, keeping her eyes trained on his mouth.  _

_ “Yes?” she answered, feigning nonchalance even as humiliation curdled in her stomach. For all she had changed, she likely still looked like an obsessed fangirl in his eyes with the way she stared at him.  _

_ “Do I frighten you?” he asked, and her eyes shot to his, then in shock. _

_ “No, of course not,” she paused in her steps, noting distantly that they were within a few steps of her complex. “Why would you think so?” _

_ Sasuke stopped beside her, shrugging slightly. He averted his gaze and Sakura thought that she had never seen him so close to looking awkward in her life.  _

_ “You look away,” he said. When met with only confused silence he continued, “I thought perhaps my...eye scared you. Some find it uncomfortable to look at the rinnegan. Do you?” _

_ “Sasuke-kun, no,” she breathed. She took a step closer, hand reaching out to touch his cheek before she remembered herself. Her hand fell awkwardly back down to her side. “It doesn’t scare me.” _

_ “Hn,” he nodded. He glanced around them, before meeting her gaze. “Do you live close?” _

_ “Oh, yes, we’re basically here,” her arm flailed in the general direction of the complex beside them. “I’m upstairs. Would...you like to come inside?” _

_ Her question was asked with much hesitance, but he nodded immediately. She bobbed her own head dumbly, scampering up the steps and fiddling with her door before stepping inside. _

_ It was second nature to disengage the chakra traps she had set. Sasuke was a quiet guest, but loud to her senses as he silently moved behind her, taking off his sandals and following her as she moved into her living room and to the kitchen. _

_ “Water, tea?” she offered, busying herself with searching for her tea set and filling a kettle with water. “Is green still your favorite?” _

_ “Tea sounds good,” he responded. “Green is my favorite.” _

_ Sakura nodded to herself, shamefully excited that she remembered that miniscule detail about his tastes. When she turned, she noticed he was still standing, glancing around with reserved curiosity.  _

_ “Sasuke-lun, please, have a seat,” she urged, her tongue still loosened from drink. “You can sit in here, or on the couch if you’d prefer. Where are you staying by the way? I hope Kakashi arranged for an apartment for you…” _

_ “Sakura,” the way his voice wrapped around the syllables of her name made her shiver. She wondered if it was his drunkenness, or if he had always spoken her name like that.  _

_ “Sorry,” she chuckled. “I’m still as much of a babbler as I was when we were genin. Bad habit, and having a few drinks in me doesn’t help.” _

_ “I don’t mind,” he replied. Searching his face for a moment for a lie, she couldn’t help but believe him. “It has been a while since I heard your voice.” _

_ His statement was fact, but so out of the ordinary from what she expected from him, Sakura did not know how to take it. She chose to not think about it, moving to usher him to a seat on her couch before flitting back into the kitchen to prepare tea with the now boiling water. _

_ Sasuke accepted the cup she offered him with a quiet thanks, blowing on it briefly before bringing it to his lips. Sakura found herself watching him closely as he sipped the hot liquid before shaking herself out of it and ducking her head and directing her attention to her own tea. _

_ She wanted to reach out and touch him. When he had entered through the gates earlier that day, she had thrown her arms around him, sniffling into his shoulder. A quiet sob had slipped out when he had slowly wrapped his own arm around her waist, holding her close and resting his chin atop her head. _

_ “I still can’t believe it,” she spoke without meaning to, her head lolling back onto the sofa as she gazed at him. “It’s hard to believe that you’re here.” _

_ Sasuke peered at her over the rim of his cup as he finished his tea, leaning to set it on her small coffee table. When he settled back against the sofa, his hand reached out to rest lightly against her own. _

_ “I’m home,” he said quietly.  _

_ Sakura blamed the drink for the way her eyes filled, her heart thudding in her chest and something lodging itself in the base of her throat. She blinked her eyes in an attempt to clear them, but a couple slipped down her cheek.  _

_ Sasuke watched as she wiped them away and she chuckled bashfully. Her breath caught when he reached for her face, swiping away a stray tear with his own thumb. _

_ “Don’t cry,” he muttered. His thumb stroked at her cheek bone, far longer than she thought it took to clear away any dampness there. _

_ Before she could think better of it, she was moving, wrapping her arms about his neck and pressing close to him. She was so close, she could feel his heart beating against her chest, fast and strong. _

_ “I’m so glad you’re home, Sasuke-kun,” she breathed in his ear. If she did not know him better, she might have thought a slight shiver took his form.  _

_ Dark eyes met hers when she pulled back to look at his face. Her hands were still resting on his shoulders, and it seemed her body was not in agreement with her mind because she knew she should move. Give him some space, take her hands off of him, but as she looked deep into those eyes that had haunted her dreams since she was a child, she found herself swaying closer, until she could feel his breath puffing against her lips. _

_ And then her lips were on his, pressing in a chaste kiss and the spell was broken. Her body became rigid, her eyes widening before she jerked back, standing clumsily from the sofa. _

_ “Sasuke, I’m so sorry, I-,” she stuttered, stumbling back a step, only stopping because the back of her legs met the coffee table.  _

_ Sakura wished a hole would open up in the earth to swallow her whole. A chill shot up her spine, humiliation causing her cheeks to flush and eyes to tingle as what happened truly sank in. _

_ “I- I’ll clean this up,”she whispered, ducking her head to escape his gaze. She snatched up their mugs hurriedly, hoping to escape before the tears filling in her eyes for the second time would spill over. _

_ “Sakura,” he said quietly. She ignored him, skittering to her kitchen and resting the mugs in the sink. _

_ He made no sound when he followed after her, but the heat of his body behind her and the feel of his chakra altered her to his presence. She shut her eyes tightly, wishing to disappear or to reopen them and realize that it had all been a dream.  _

_ “Sakura,” he whispered and she squeezed her eyes tighter, fingers gripping the edge of the counter. “Look at me.” _

_ After a moment she turned, another apology on the tip of her tongue. Before it could be given sound, she found warm, soft lips pressed against hers once more. A strong arm looped about her waist , pulling her flush against a muscular chest. _

_ Sasuke’s lips moved against hers in a way that she could only describe as cautious. Her eyes fluttered shut as she sank into the kiss, clutching the back of his shirt in her hands. Her head was spinning, wondering at the fact that she had kissed him and now he was  _ kissing her _. _

_ It felt like it was over too soon when he pulled away, staring down at her with heavy lidded eyes. His hand came up to rest against her cheek, his thumb swiping against her bottom lip. _

_ Suddenly, his mouth crashed against hers again, with such force her back bent against the counter. She gasped a quiet breath when his hand slipped to cup the back of her neck and then his tongue was delving in her mouth, dipping slightly behind the rim of her lips, running against hers almost hesitantly. A sigh slipped from her mouth and he pulled away once more. In the dim light she could see that his lips were moist and reddened, his cheeks flushed. His chest brushed against hers as they both took quickened breaths. _

_ Sakura felt as if her world had turned upside down as they held onto each other in her tiny kitchen. Inside, she was screaming, dancing with joy and her heart was full to bursting with hope because he was kissing her, holding her and maybe this meant that all these years of waiting had been worth something. Maybe he finally wanted her the way she wanted him. _

_ And she did want him. The warmth in her heart was spreading to the base of her belly and a spot between her thighs that only she had ever explored. A familiar ache settled inside.  _

_ Somewhere between the miniscule space between her bodies and her liquor-induced confidence she found her resolve. She pressed a hand against his chest creating space for her to move around him. _

_ Her head turned, eyes meeting his over her shoulder. _

_ They did not need words. With that look, something passed between them that moved his feet, him following after her as she made her way out of the kitchen, through the living room, down the short hallway before she stood in front of the door to her bedroom. _

_ Here, she turned. She looked at him while hope and apprehension stirred together inside her gut.  _

_ She took a steadying breath, before her voice came out in a whisper, “Will you come in?”  _

_ Sasuke nodded and she took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped through. The silence was thick, and she was too nervous to break it as she felt Sasuke move close behind her. _

_ A small gasp parted her lips when she felt the press of his chest against her back, his hand resting on her shoulder. She turned her head to look up at him, finding herself lost in his gaze. Her body felt hot where he touched, her pulse quickening as his fingers crept up to brush her hair away from the side of her neck. _

_ “May I kiss you,” Sasuke whispered, his breath disturbing the strands of hair atop her head, “here?” A single digit pressed against a spot just below her ear. _

_ Sakura nodded, swallowing thickly as he leaned in, slowly as if waiting for her to change her mind. Then warm lips were pressed against that spot and a shudder took her body, her weight pressing back against him more. _

_ Teeth sank into her lower lip as Sasuke’s lips pressed against her neck, then lower to her shoulder. He straightened, turning her around to run a finger against the line of her jaw. Sakura could just barely make out his eyes in the darkness of the room, they never strayed from her face. _

_ The same urge to touch him from before rose in her and this time she did not deny it. Her hands moved, pressing against his chest, fingers splayed. She watched his face as she stroked over the expanse of his upper chest, then lower to his abdomen. They fluttered shut as he leaned down to take her mouth in a kiss. His caution seemed to be fading and his kisses became more forceful, with more tongue, teeth grazing at her lower lip now and then.  _

_ A small sound slipped from her lips when his hand shot up to tangle in her hair. Her fingers clenched in his shirt and she found herself taking a step backward, and then another until the backs of her thighs met the soft comforter of her bed.  _

_ Sakura broke their kiss, lips quivering slightly as she met Sasuke’s gaze once more, holding it as she sat slowly on the bed. She pushed herself backwards, slowly, from the foot hoping her eyes could convey what her mouth could not form the words to say. _

_ Whether it was alcohol clouding her judgement or not, she could not deny the thundering of her pulse in her ears, the way she felt pressure in her most intimate places. Her palms and fingertips itched to press against his bare skin. The love that weighed her heart for so long was seeping into her veins, out of her pores and calling out to him.  _

_ It was like watching a film in slow motion-- her eyes followed his movements as he rested a single knee on her bed, leaning to rest his hand on the mattress beside hers. As he moved closer, she was forced to lie down on her back, his form moving over hers, slowly, so slowly. _

_ “Sasuke-kun,” she managed to breath, her hands coming to cup his face as he hovered above. She could smell liquor on his breath, as well as the subtle scent of firewood clinging to his clothes.  _

_ His lips met hers and she could feel the weight of him against her, pressing her deeper into the covers. Her hands roved over his shoulders, the muscles of his back, clenching in the fabric of his shirt as he moved to kiss down her neck, his tongue flitting out briefly near her collar bone.  _

_ Exploring hands slipped under his shirt and she reveled in the short gasp he made against her neck. Sasuke’s head moved back slightly to watch her face, and she could just make out his darkened cheeks. A shy smile took her lips as she ran her fingers over the smooth, warm flesh of his back, looping around to stroke against the ridges of his muscular abdomen. _

_ “Sasuke-kun,” she whispered, afraid that any more volume would break the spell, that each moment would fade and prove to be a product of her own fantasy. “Can I see you?” _

_ She felt his chest rise with a deep breath before he moved to sit on his knees. He nodded and she sat up, watching her own hands as they came to the hem of his shirt. She lifted them slowly, until the shirt was pulled over his head and awkwardly set beside her on the bed. _

_ Met with Sasuke’s bare chest, Sakura felt a flush rise from her chest all the way to her hairline. He was beautifully made, his chest a wide, smooth expanse with lean muscles chording his abdomen. When her gaze dipped lower, she could see a tent in his black shinobi pants causing her eyes to widen slightly before shooting back up to his face. _

_ Sasuke was watching her with a glint in his eye. Despite having all of her clothes on, she felt as if he could see  _ everything _ as his gaze flitted over her form.  _

_ “Sakura,” her name, a deep slur on his lips, caused her to tremble. “Can I see you, too?” _

_ Her head bobbed quickly and she made short business of pulling her shirt over her head before she lost the nerve. She kept her gaze averted as she reached to untie her bindings, internally cursing herself for not investing in real lingerie like Ino always suggested. _

_ Before she knew it, her chest was bare, the peaks of them tightening in the coolness of the room. Her eyes stayed fixated on her lap as she sat before the man she loved, naked from the waist up. She was met with silence. _

_ Sakura caught her bottom lip between her teeth, willing herself to straighten her posture, to look at him. Slowly, she did so, her eyes flitting up to his once more. _

_ The look on his face was startling. His eyes were widened, nostrils flared slightly. Sakura swore she could  _ feel _ his gaze burning into her, and she clenched her knees tighter together as her chest heaved with a deep inhale.  _

_ “Beautiful,” he murmured and her eyes filled. “You’re beautiful.”  _

_ Before she could harp on his words, she found herself being pulled by her waist, her bare chest pushed tightly against his as he took her mouth again. _

_ When her teeth sank gently into his lower lip, Sasuke elicited a small grunt and tightened his hold, crushing her closer to him. She could feel his arousal against her lower abdomen, causing gooseflesh to sprout on her skin. _

_ Even as her hands wandered and tugged at him, Sasuke’s arm remained stationary, locked about her waist.  _

_ “Sasuke-kun,” she breathed against his lips. His forehead pressed against hers and she swallowed. “Do you...want to touch me?” _

_ The question sounded more pitiful in her ears than it had in her mind, but she yearned to feel his fingers running over her skin, touching her somewhere other than her face. _

_ “Yes,” he replied, voice gruff and low. _

_ “Then touch me,” she implored breathily, squeezing his shoulder in encouragement. Her body was taut with anticipation, but seconds ticked by with him unmoving. _

_ “I’ve never done this before,” Sasuke’s voice was barely audible, steeped in something that made her feel as if he was confessing to a deity.  _

_ “It’s okay,” Sakura ignored the spark of happiness and relief that shot through her. “Neither have I.” _

_ Sasuke nodded, his forehead still resting against hers. She saw him swallow before he asked, “Will you show me how?” _

_ Sakura’s breath caught in her throat but she nodded. Inexperience she was, but the liquor she’d had was still doing its job and Ino had given her enough overly-detailed accounts of her own affairs to have a general idea of what needed to be done. _

_ She grasped his hand in hers and brought it to her breast before she lost her nerve. She gasped at the feel of his palm pressing over her peak; a small whimper came when his hand tightened slightly.  _

_ Sakura allowed her hand to drop away and after a moment, Sasuke’s fingers began kneading her breasts, gently as if he were afraid to hurt her. Another gasp caught in her throat and her eyes fluttered when he experimentally brushed the pad of his thumb over an erect nipple. _

_ Sasuke’s eyes caught hers and he repeated the motion, watching her reaction carefully. She found herself caught in his burning gaze as he continuously toyed with her breast, alternating between cupping it in his palm and brushing the tips of his fingers over the peak. He caught her nipple between index and thumb and rolled gently. Sakura’s jaw dropped and a moan slipped from her lips, startling her and causing her eyes to go wide. _

_ With that small sound, it was as if something that was building and tightening the entire night finally snapped. Sakura blinked and found herself on her back with Sasuke pressed over her once again, ravishing her mouth and massaging her breasts with new confidence zand ardor.  _

_ Sakura’s knees spread to allow him space to rest between, and she gasped at the feeling of his arousal pressing against her intimately. Her mind was muddled with new sensations. A sharp pinch to her nipple sent a shock of pleasure straight to her core and she found her hips rising, brushing against Sasuke as a mewl ripped from her throat.  _

_ Sasuke froze momentarily, pulling away to stare into her face. Her jaw dropped open as she felt his hips move between hers, hesitantly grinding his arousal against her core.  _

_ Their lips met once more and suddenly the world seemed to disappear, Sakura became lost in the feeling of his flesh, the sound of his pants and sharp breaths. At some point the bottom half of her clothes disappeared and a muscular thigh pressed against her wetness. Teeth nippled at her collarbone before his mouth moved to envelop one nipple with his lips, then the other. _

_ Sounds she had never made before poured from her mouth, as did wetness from her center. It was  _ good _ but not enough. She felt on edge, empty and seeking something, anything to soothe the burning in her belly and the building pressure between her thighs. _

_ “Sakura,” Sasuke breathed, pressing a hot kiss to the center of her chest. “I want to feel you.” _

_ Sakura arched her back distractedly, pressing her breast further into the palm of his hand. She lacked the ability to emphasise that he  _ was _ feeling her, because her mind was muddled with pleasure, her tongue heavy in her mouth. _

_ “No,” he moved his hand to press against her flushed cheek. She was forced to meet his eyes. “Here.” He accented this clarification by sliding his hand down her body, until his palm pressed against her most intimate of places. _

_ Sakura moaned at the contact, reaching to grasp his wrist.  _

_ “Here,” she sighed, maneuvering his fingers to press against the pearly nub that was aching for attention. She coaxed his hand into a gentle circular motion, biting her lip at the sensation. _

_ The moan that climbed up her throat when he found a rhythm was echoed in his voice before his lips came crashing down once more. Her hips rolled against his hand, seeking more friction as stars and colors flashed behind her lids. His name spilled from her mouth as she felt the aching pressure build with his ministrations. _

_ Suddenly, his movements stopped, but before her mouth could form a protest, she felt them dip lower, gliding through her slick folds. A single finger pressed into her opening, causing her mouth to gape open in a silent intake of breath.  _

_ Sasuke’s finger glided in slowly, painstakingly slow, pausing when it pressed deep inside. Then it was moving, slowly out, then back in, the sloshing sound of her wetness filling her ears. Her inner thighs quivered and her back arched again when he returned to suckling at her breast. _

_ “Oh,” she moaned, clenching one hand in the covers and the other coming to tangle in his dark hair. “Please..more.” _

_ Sakura wasn’t quite sure what she was asking for, but Sasuke appeased her nonetheless, removing his single digit before pressing into her again with two fingers. He teased her with shallow, gentle thrusts before increasing depth and tempo as her hips roiled and she gasped his name pleadingly.  _

_ Sakura had spent enough lonely nights studying her own body to recognize the tightening of her stomach and the ripple in her core. Her breath came in quick pants punctuated with low moans and whimpering sighs as she was gradually led toward the peak.  _

_ Sakura was greedy for more, to feel Sasuke closer,  _ deeper _ than this. She reached to pause his hands movements, urging him to sit up. He watched her questioningly, with flushed cheeks as she brought her trembling hands to his chest, then his lower abdomen before resting one hand over the arousal tenting the pants he still wore. A sharp gasp came from him when she delicately grasped her fingers around him briefly, before dipping into his waistband and pulling down. _

_ Sakura’s eyes widened as he swung free from his constraints. Once again, Ino’s oversharing tendency cued her into the fact that Sasuke was… well endowed. Seeing was different than being told, and Sakura was enamored with the way it stood tall and proud. Her hand reached out hesitantly, fingers wrapping gently about the base of him. Sasuke gasped, loudly this time and she looked up, frightened she had hurt him. She did not get the chance to ask before his mouth was on hers again, his hand fisted in her hair.  _

_ Sakura moved her hand cautiously, pumping him gently once and listening close for his reaction. He groaned quietly against her mouth, his hand tightening in her hair. Then he was pressing her back again, settling between her thighs as his hand trailed down to grasp at her hip.  _

_ Instinct seemed to take over as they both rocked their hips, breaths mingling on quiet gasps and short groans as they brushed against each other intimately. Sasuke’s hardness slid against her wet folds, causing her to moan carnaly into his mouth. He felt so thick, heavy resting against her.  _

_ Sakura broke their kiss, meeting Sasuke’s eyes as she reached between them, grasping his arousal in her hand. She slowly adjusted, tilting her hips so that the tip of him pressed against her entrance. _

_ Sasuke’s jaw clenched and she whispered, “I want you, Sasuke-kun.”  _

_ He nodded, and then there was pressure, before he was sliding inside, her walls stretching to accommodate him. Sakura forced her tense muscles to relax as he entered her inch, by inch. When he bottomed out inside, his chest moved with a huge exhale as if he’d been holding his breath. _

_ “Are you alright?” he asked in a husky voice. Sasuke held himself perfectly still, she could feel his muscles quivering against her.  _

_ The sensation was new, slightly uncomfortable at worst, but everything was overshadowed by the shock at being so intimately joined with the man she loved and the way her body ached for release. _

_ “I’m okay, Sasuke-kun.” she assured, bringing his face down to capture his lips in a kiss. She gasped when his hips moved, slowly pulling out before thrusting back in.  _

_ Tears spilt over her cheeks as they made love, her heart and her body full to bursting as she found herself nearing climax. Sasuke’s thrusts increased in pace and force until he was slamming into her with abandon, clutching at her hip as he nipped and sucked at her flesh, grunting curses and whispering praises in her ear.  _

_ Her name on his lips sounded like music to her ears. Sakura clutched him close, and then she was falling apart, body and heart full and bursting with love and the feeling of this superb affection. Her heartbeat was simply an echo of his own pounding rhythm, his breath filled her lungs, his body stirred her muscles and she could feel his chakra in  _ her _ veins. Sasuke, her beloved, was with her, inside of her, he was  _ **_home_ ** _.  _

_ “I love you,” she sobbed, “Sasuke-kun!” _

_ ~~ _

“Maa, Sakura, I hope you don’t think hiding out here will save you from losing our little competition,” Kakashi’s voice yanked Sakura from her stirring recollections.

She swung her head to the side lazily as he came to stand beside her, mirroring the way she lent against the metal railing.

“Of course not, Hokage-sama,” she drawled, giving him her best grin. “Just wanted a little air.”

“Aa,” Kakashi nodded. In the dark, she could make out his eyes peering at her like he knew a secret. “I suppose things were getting pretty heated down there.”

Sakura hummed in response, resting her hand against her warm cheek as she went back to staring down at the streets below. She found her gaze drawn to the treeline at the very edges of the village, something in her tugging as if urging her to move toward that direction.

“Sasuke seems in rare form,” her former sensei mentioned, nonchalant. She could feel his gaze on her face and hear a smirk in his tone. “Very  _ touchy  _ with a certain member of Team 7.”

“Hm,” Sakura exhaled a quiet snort. Were it not for the liquor sloshing in her belly and the memories flitting in the back of her mind, she might have stiffened, become worried.

But she was tired. Her life had been a cycle of hiding then overexpressing, then smothering her feelings for Uchiha Sasuke, and she no longer had the energy, nor the care to protect that part of her any longer.

“Is there something that Sensei should know about you two?” his voice was teasing, and when she looked at him again, silver brows wagged. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve all had a chance to catch up, and I fear I might have missed something.”

Sakura stared at him for a moment, and she wondered if it was the alcohol or her own melancholia that was making her chest feel so numb. A lopsided grin took her lips and she straightened, spinning so her back pressed against the railing. She crossed her arms, a slight shiver taking her as the cool metal touched her heated flesh.

She gazed blankly at nothing as she intoned, “I’m fucking your favorite student, Kakshi-sensei.”

He audibly choked and she glanced at him from her peripheral. His reaction was humorous in a pitiful kind of way.

“Well,” he huffed, and if it wasn’t so dark, Sakura figured pink would be creeping around the edges of his mask.

“That’s all you’ve missed,” she shrugged, looking away. Her head tipped back and she gazed blearily at the stars ahead. The night sky did not sparkle as much as it did when she were a genin with long hair and small self-esteem.

“I suppose if that’s what you kids are calling it these days,” Kakashi cleared his throat delicately. “I would like to say I always knew you two were a match. Such cute little students.”

Sakura barked a laugh that sounded familiar in her own ears. “There’s no match, sensei. We’re fucking, nothing else.”

There was no other explanation for her telling her intimate business to the Hokage of the village and her former squad leader than Sakura had overestimated even her own limits. Her tongue was loose, her pride drowned somewhere in the neck of a sake bottle. 

“Sakura-chan,” Kakashi suddenly sounded too sober for her liking. She was holding onto her buzz by a thread, despite her senses and sense being obviously compromised.

“Hokage-sama,” she sang back. 

“I would never dare question your choices,” he started. “I know you’re an intelligent woman, and maybe things have changed over the years-”

“Lots of things have changed,” she cut him off, waving her hand weakly. Words spilled unbridled from her drunken mouth. “I’m an adult, and some of my dreams came true. And I learned that some dreams never could. That’s okay. I’ve recently discovered that Sasuke isn’t the only man who exists, and if I dare say, Hokage-sama, he might not even be the best fuck I’ll ever have. Maybe one day I’ll test someone else out. I met a guy, you know, his name’s Hikaru.”

“Ah, indeed,” he cleared his throat again and Sakura giggled at his discomfort. “You deserve the world, truly Sakura-chan. And I’m not saying Sasuke necessarily deserves  _ you _ , but for people like us, shinobi like us… love is a rare and fleeting thing. When it comes, I think it is good to grasp hold of it.”

“My love was only ever thrown back in my face,” she slurred, shaking her head gently to clear her thoughts. “I’m only holding on to things that make me feel  _ good _ . Sleeping with Sasuke is good. Going on dates is good. Another drink would be good too, I think.”

“Things aren’t always as they seem,” Kakashi said quietly. “Especially not with the three of you. Words said don’t always convey their true meaning. A good ninja knows to look deeper, find what is underneath the underneath?” 

“Is this the big, course-altering lesson of a lifetime you’ve decided to give me? It’s just a  _ little  _ late,” she mused. 

Silence met her words and suddenly a sober part of her mind was awakened and guilt slammed into her. She recognized her words for what they were-- a terribly low blow.

_ A truth, nonetheless. _

“ _ You _ were always my favorite student,” Kakashi sensei chuckled, and it sounded something like the quiet cracking of glass. “But I suppose being my favorite never brought anyone much good. Ironically, my favorites tend to be my greatest regrets, too.”

Sakura bit her lip, blinking her burning eyes. A silence full of meaning stretched between them and something slowly loosened in her chest.

“I forgave you, a long time ago,” she whispered. “Resenting you would have been a waste of time.” 

“You’re always forgiving,” Kakashi sighed, another thin chuckle following. “Time. An odd thing for us, isn’t it? So little to have, much more to lose. I lost time with you, my dear student, and the only thing that makes it a little less painful is that someone else came and took advantage of it.”

Sakura’s lip trembled and she scooted closer to the Hokage, her sensei, and touched her head to his shoulder lightly. His hand came up slowly, and she felt it ruffle her hair. They sat in that silence for a few long moments before he suddenly stood, yawning loudly and lamenting his old aching bones and the cold night air.

Sakura laughed at his dramatics, nudging him in the side with her elbow as they made their way back inside, reentering the stuffy bar. 

Naruto caught sight of them and screeched their names, bellowing a resounding call for the Last Round. Sakura smirked and rejoined the fray, tossing back her drink with a laugh. 

It was easier to ignore the eyes she could feel on her when distracted by the liquor and all the noise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura assured Sasuke that nothing would ever change. Yet, something has, and they both feel it in different ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long T_T but I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Three parts of Team 7 stumble away from the bar at nearly four in the morning, after a long, drawn-out goodbye with their former sensei. Sasuke was concentrating so hard on staying upright and taking each measured step toward Sakura’s apartment that he could not follow whatever loud conversation the pinkette and the blonde idiot were having. 

“Naruto,” Sakura whined, so loud that it disturbed Sasuke’s rhythm, causing his foot to wobble and the world to tip slightly for a moment before he managed to right himself. 

“What, Sa-kra-chan? Don’t talk so loud,” Naruto whined back in a so-called whisper that was actually equal in volume to Sakura’s voice. 

“S’fine, everyone is _sleeping_ ,” she assured him. Sasuke glanced over to see her sway slightly before straightening with a giggle. 

Moments later Naruto swerved, crashing into her side. Sasuke tried to dart to them, but it took too long for the intent to reach his numbened muscles. 

He gaped as Sakura caught Naruto at her side, before promptly swinging him over her shoulder. She gave him a gentle pat on his behind. 

“I got you, Naruto!” she announced, marching down the street with intent. Sasuke was forced to focus harder to get his feet to match her pace. 

“Should have just let him fall,” he slurred, eyeing Naruto’s dazed face with distaste. 

Sakura shot him an appalled look, stopping in her tracks to round on him. Naruto’s head flopped behind her as she turned. 

A small finger was jabbed forcefully into his chest, “Anyone who leaves their friend behind is _scum_ , Sasuke-kun!” 

Sasuke sighed, “Oh, yeah.” 

“Bastard,” Naruto groaned as Sakura began trudging off again. “When I can see straight again, I’m going to kick _all_ your asses. Hey, why is there three of you anyway, ‘ttebayo?” 

Sasuke ignored him, staring down at Sakura’s feet and trying to match his steps to hers. When they reached her complex, the staircase leading up felt unending, and Sasuke clutched the railing because he swore the steps were rocking under his feet. Probably because of Sakura’s heavy stomping. 

The door slammed against the wall as Sakura batter-rammed her way in, flipping on a couple lights on her way to dump Naruto on the couch. 

“Gonna get you some water, ‘kay?” she cooed, sitting him up sloppily and stuffing throw pillows at his sides. 

He gave her a lazy thumbs up and she pranced into the kitchen. Sasuke sank into an armchair heavily, the world spinning for a short moment. 

“I’m havin’ a good ass time,'' Naruto suddenly laughed, and Sasuke glanced over to see his head lolling back on the couch. “I feel like I could fly!” 

“You’re just fucked up, idiot,” Sasuke said cooly. His words were more slurred than he’d like. 

_He_ was fucked up, too, but Naruto was likely in another dimension. 

“Yeah,” Naruto sighed, a goofy smile spreading his cheeks. “I _am_ fucked up.”

Sakura flitted into the room, frustratingly steady on her feet still, handing him a glass of water before going to hold another against Naruto’s lips. 

He watched in awe at how composed she looked, then with a tiny splinter of irritation as she cupped the back of Naruto’s head gently and fed him the water slowly. 

“You don’t even seem drunk,” he blurted, his tone almost accusatory. Luckily the world was no longer spinning, but he could feel the deep flush of his face and his tongue heavy in his mouth. 

She looked back toward him as Naruto muttered some kind of thanks, before prompting falling to the side, fast asleep. Sakura adjusted his head and his body to ensure he was on his side before stroking a hand over his forehead briefly. Sasuke scoffed quietly when she pressed a chaste kiss to his brow. She moved away after tossing her throw blanket haphazardly over his form. 

As she rose, Sasuke found his eyes drawn to the dress that had crept up higher on her thighs for a moment. 

“Oh, I _am_ drunk,” she assured, nodding vigorously. Her syllables were slightly elongated, and her voice sounded breathier than usual, but Sasuke could hear no major difference. “I haven’t been this drunk since my first time with Tsunade. I am just _well practiced_ , you see.” 

“Hn,” he muttered, watching as she sauntered over to him. 

She did not stop till she stood directly in front of him, dangerously close to his slightly spread knees. He looked up into her face blearily, noting the way her eyes were heavy-lidded, green irises glossy and shining with a glint he recognized. Those eyes moved slowly over his form, from his face to his toes before flitting back up again as she gave him a small smile. 

Sasuke swallowed as she moved closer, one leg moving slightly between his own. His eyes were drawn to her red-stained mouth. 

“Sakura,” he breathed, his hand somehow finding its way to the smooth skin of her thigh. “I wanted to talk.” 

“Hm,” she said, thoughtfully. Her hand brushed his hair away from his rinnegan before raking back over his scalp. “Do you, really?” 

“Yes,” he nodded dumbly. “But not with Naruto here, we should put him outside.” 

Sakura laughed, and it made Sasuke’s heart beat faster. He was trying his damnedest to ignore the way her chest moved with her mirth, as well as the fingers still playing in his hair. He needed to ask why she had been so distant, why she was avoiding him in the bar tonight. 

He needed to ask if he was going to lose her now, too. 

“We can just go to my room, no need to leave poor Naruto in the cold,” she laughed and that sounded logical so Sasuke took her offered hand, swaying slightly as she heaved him off his seat forcefully. 

Her hand dropped from his as she led the way to her bedroom, and Sasuke could not resist gazing at her exposed back, noting the curve of her waist and the roll of her hips as she walked through the darkened hall. 

He paused a few feet away from her bed, but she sat down heavily crossing one creamy leg over the other and resting her face in her hand. Her hair spilled over one shoulder, the very tips just brushing against the comforter. 

“How can I be of service, Sasuke-kun?” she drawled, a teasing note to her voice that awakened a heat in his blood. He breathed in deeply through his nose, ripping his eyes away as they had wondered once again to where the hem of her dress continued to bunch up her thighs. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, his mind foggy and unable to recall the conversation as he’d planned when he was sober. 

She blinked at him, “Yes, of course.” 

“No,” he huffed, pushing a hand through his hair. His mind was numbed with drink and his body was betraying him because her skin was glowing and her face was flushed and she was _looking_ at him with those sparkling green eyes of hers… 

“I meant to say… It’s been different,” he finally said. “I...I thought maybe you’re upset. With me.” 

His words were still a jumbled mess but he was happy to just get them out at this point.

Sakura’s eyebrows furrowed and her bottom lip slipped behind her teeth for a short moment, but it was long enough for _him_ to want to test the softness with his own. 

_Focus_.

“I’m fine, Sasuke-kun,” she said quietly. Her head tipped to the side and she blinked at him again, “Why would I be upset with you?” 

Sasuke was suddenly not exactly sure himself, and started to think perhaps Naruto had been right. Perhaps he had been imagining things. “I don’t know,” he muttered, eyes darting and following her movements as she stretched her arms above her head. “Things just...felt different. As if- something has changed.” 

A long moment passed with her just staring at him. It looked as if she were searching for something, and it took effort for him to stand still as she watched, hoping, _praying_ that whatever she found would be enough for her to stay. 

What felt like a century passed before she glanced away to watch her own hands as they came to fiddle with her hair. She passed lithe fingers through the slight tangles and Sasuke’s own fingers twitched with the urge to do the same.

“Nothing has changed,” she spoke softly, voice breathier than before. Green eyes flitted back up to his face as her apple-red lips curled into a tiny smile. “Nothing will ever change, Sasuke-kun.”

There was a promise in her voice, and Sasuke felt the dread weighing in his stomach fade away.

His eyes slipped shut for a moment and he exhaled his relief, his muscles losing the tension they’d been carrying all week. When he reopened them, Sakura was watching him somewhat expectantly.

Sasuke managed to bob his head in a nod as satisfaction swept through him, “That’s good.”

“Hm,” she hummed, uncrossing her legs and leaning back on her hands. “Sit with me, Sasuke-kun?”

His feet responded to her beckoning as if of their own volition and he soon found himself standing in front of Sakura’s seated form. Her face was upturned as she peered at him through heavy lids, bright irises peeking between thick, pale lashes. Even though the room was dark, he could see the deep flush across her cheekbones, the barely-there speckling of freckles on the bridge of her nose. It reminded him of her genin days, when her cheeks would turn pink and she’d gaze at him with these same wide green eyes.

_Nothing has changed._

“Sit,” she breathed, and Sasuke found himself sinking to the floor in front of her, placing his hand heavily on her thigh as he found his gaze level with her painted lips. 

She chuckled, cocking her head at him, “Not there, Sasuke-kun.”

“Hn,” he hummed, swaying closer to her and pressing his hand against her thigh to make room for him to move in-between. “I like it here.”

Sakura inhaled deeply as his fingers crept to the hem of her dress before pushing it up higher. The muscle of her thigh twitched against his hand before her legs spread more.

He dipped low to press a kiss against her inner thigh, ears perking at her sharp gasp. Sasuke then straightened to press his mouth against hers, tasting liquor and something fruity as his tongue slid between her lips. His hand moved from her thigh to cup the back of her head, tangling in silken strands of hair. Sakura’s teeth nipped at his lower lip and he tugged on his handful of her locks in response.

A low moan crept up her throat and he pulled back, pressing a finger against her lips sloppily.

“Shh,” he breathed. “I don’t want the dobe to hear us.”

Sakura’s lips spread in a grin, the red of them now faded and remnants smeared about the edge of her mouth. Her green eyes stared into his as she parted those lips, closing them around the finger he used to quiet her and sucking it in, slowly.

She retreated, freeing his digit with a quiet _pop_ , her pink tongue flicking out briefly.

The world tilted as Sasuke found himself being yanked by his collar and all but tossed onto his back. Sakura moved over him in a flash, dizzyingly quick, brushing against his torso as she hovered over him, planting deep kisses against his neck, his collarbone, the exposed part of his chest. 

Hands stroked down his sides languidly and then his shirt was being pulled over his head. He took a sharp breath as she licked and sucked at his chest, shivering when her tongue flicked briefly over his nipples.

“Sa-ku-ra,” he groaned in a low voice as her hand slid down to brush over his clothed arousal. He felt as if he could hear the blood pushing through his veins and wondered dazedly if she could hear his heart pounding.

“Shh,” she hushed, moving back up to peer down at his face. Her lips brushed against his as she whispered, “We have to be _quiet_ , Sasuke-kun.”

It was as if her hands were everywhere at once, and her mouth was leaving behind a trail of fire as she pressed it against the flesh of his chest and torso. She paused only to peel her blood-colored dress over her head, leaving him to gaze at her bare chest and a pair of black, lacy underwear. His hand came up to brush down the side of her and grip her hip, but his touch lingered for only a moment before she was brushing his hand away and sliding down his body languidly to rid him of his pants.

Quiet pants left his mouth as Sakura teased him, nipping at the flesh of his thighs and licking over his hip bones. His straining arousal ached for her attention, but she ignored it, brushing her fingers mere millimeters away from the base before flitting them away repeatedly.

His chest heaved with a deep exhale when he felt her nails scratch gently over his thighs. He was yearning to the brink of madness, undulating in her hold, silently begging for her to touch him as he needed. As if answering his thoughts, she cooed quietly, suddenly pressing her lips against the tip of him. Small hands turned into iron-like restraints as his hips attempted to buck in response to the contact.

“Sakura, please,” he slurred, uncaring if it sounded like begging. He wanted to feel her, so close that he wouldn’t know where she ended and he began. “Come here.”

“Not yet, Sasuke-kun,” she murmured, tongue slipping out to lap at his glistening head. Sasuke bit back a moan. “Quiet, remember?”

Sasuke grit his teeth against a groan as he was suddenly enveloped in the warmth of her mouth. Dots appeared across his vision and his body felt boneless as she continued her descent, taking him deep into her mouth and throat.

“Hm,” she hummed, causing Sasuke’s hips to flex in her grip. 

The sensation was nearly too much, the press of her fingers into his skin almost as euphoric as the feeling of her mouth sliding over his hardness in a slow rhythm. The sharingan flared to life without his express permission and he peered down at her head as it moved over him, his hand reaching to move the silky strands of hair blocking his view of her face.The slide of soft, blossom colored strands against the flesh of his palms was pleasurable, as was the brush of the breath exhaled through her nose against his pelvis. Like his vision, everything seemed heightened, each touch euphoric against his sensitized flesh.

A moan was swallowed down his throat as she pulled back to swirl her tongue around the tip of him, before she swallowed him deep once again.

Sasuke chewed his lip raw as he bit back cries and curses at her ministrations. When he felt the tight ache building in his lower belly his hand tightened into a fist in her hair.

“ _Sakura_ ,” he hissed, warningly. The pace of her movements doubled, one hand moving from his hip to pump in tandem with her torturing mouth. 

His hips bucked and the grip of her hand tightened as she moved her mouth over him quickly, fingers alternating between stroking over the base of him and cupping and rolling his balls gently. 

Then she was swallowing him deep once again, her face pressed into his lower abdomen as he spilled into her mouth and down her throat, with what would have been a sharp cry coming in the form of a loud gasp ripping from his chest. 

Sakura pulled back, licking slightly swollen lips. Sasuke sat upright, unsure if it was still the effects of the liquor of the aftereffects of her mouth as a slight dizziness took him before his lips crashed against hers. 

The thin material of her panties ripped with a sharp tug of his hand. She gasped quietly against his mouth, allowing his tongue to delve past her lips. The kiss was deep, sloppy as their lips moved together, teeth nipping and tugging and breaths mingling hotly.

Sasuke’s hand slid down her spine to grip the soft flesh of her behind tightly, causing her to brush against his rapidly returning arousal. He used his grip for leverage as he flipped them over, spreading her legs wide as her back bounced against the mattress.

He could not prevent the deep groan that unfurled from his throat at the first brush of his tongue between her glistening folds. Fingers gripped her thigh tightly as he drank from her, laving at her center with lips and tongue. Sakura’s hips wriggled as he sucked her pearled nub into his mouth and the flesh of her inner thigh quivered against his palm. 

It was like getting drunk again as he lapped her juices, listening closely to her sharp intakes of breath and bitten back moans. He thrust two fingers inside, moving his mouth away briefly to watch as she slapped a hand over her mouth, eyelashes fluttering wildly as he curled his fingers and moved them into her with deep strokes.

“ _Sasuke-_ ,” she choked and he dove between her legs again. 

Her hips roiled before stiffening as he brought her to release with his lips, fingers and tongue. A small hand tugged at his hair and he ripped himself away from the sweetness of her core, rising above her to position himself between her quivering thighs.

She stopped his movement with a hand on his chest, rolling over onto her stomach with a wicked grin thrown over her shoulder. Sasuke swallowed thickly as her spine arched inward, her hands sliding across the comforter as she stretched her upper body toward the headboard. 

Sakura exhaled a shaky breath as he plunged into her, seeing her small fists gripping the bedding. Sasuke took her at a punishing pace, the gentle stroke of his hand over her waist contrasting with his brutal thrusts. Their bodies rocked together vigorously, shifting knees and clawing hands upsetting the carefully folded covers and rumpling the sheets.

A small yelp was muffled as Sakura shoved her face into a pillow and Sasuke fucked her harder for it.

His eyes tingled as they roved over the smooth expanse of her back, catching on the long strands of pink that clung to spots dampened with sweat. He wished he could see her eyes, at least watch her face twist in pleasure if he could not hear her singing for him. 

Her head snapped around to look at him when he pulled out from her depths. The hand stroking at her waist flipped her over onto her back again.

“Sasuke-,” she panted quietly, gazing at him blearily, a question in her eyes.

“I need to see you,” he breathed, eyes roving over her face and body, taking in each dip, curve and indentation of her flesh. 

She visibly swallowed as Sasuke moved to hover over her, settling between her hips and sinking into her core slowly. Green eyes widened as he pushed deep inside.

Sakura’s guttural moan was cut off by his fingers sinking deep into her mouth, ending in a barely audible whimper as she sucked at his digits. Her own hand slapped against his lips to smother his responding groan as he slammed into her, the only sounds in the room being their heavy pants and the _smack_ of wet flesh meeting flesh.

Sasuke groaned deeply into her palm as her hips undulated under him. Thick pink lashes fluttered spasmodically, before squeezing shut. Sakura turned her face to the side, dislodging his fingers from her mouth and moving her hand from his face to bite down on her own knuckle as his pace slowed and the depth of his thrusts increased. 

Sasuke balanced on his elbow, pressing his entire form flush against hers, so close that he could feel her chest rising against his with every deep inhale. His forehead pressed against her temple and his knuckles brushed over her warm, reddened cheek gently.

“Don’t look away from me,” he whispered, entreating. Despite her assurances, he yearned to gaze into her face, to drown in the green pools of her eyes and find that long-standing affection that had been so alluring it managed to pull him from the tantalizing darkness of madness and vengeance. He needed to _see,_ to know that nothing was amiss between them, that their souls and hearts were just as connected as their bodies.

Slowly, her face turned, eyes fluttering open to meet his searching gaze. A tiny, helpless kind of sound slipped past her mouth as she wrapped trembling arms about his shoulders. Petal like lips quivered as the pace and force of his hips increased again. 

It felt like the first day or spring, the first sip of water after trekking through the sands of Suna, like plucking the first sun-ripened tomato from the vine and taking a bite, when her eyes fixed on his. Warmth spread through his chest and his lips spread in a lazy smile before they pressed against hers briefly, a chaste kiss that caused a fluttering in his stomach. As he pulled his face back to gaze at her once more, Sasuke hoped she could see past the liquor to the devotion he tried to convey through his eyes. He hoped she could hear how the heart thundering inside his chest beat for her. 

His name rolled off her tongue like a whispered blessing and Sasuke decided she _had_ to know the depth of his feelings for her. In all the time since he returned to the village, she must have seen how he cherished each breath she sucked through her currently kiss-swollen lips and each beat of her heart against his. 

When her brows furrowed and features pinched, Sasuke slanted his mouth against hers again to swallow her sharp cry, pressing impossibly closer as she quivered against him and rode the waves of release. Their lips separated for them to gasp much needed air, and he watched her face carefully as he felt his own peak building between his hips. He bit his lips against pleasured sounds and utterances, and tightened his grip about her.

The arms around him squeezed tighter and he was thrown over the edge by the press of soft lips against his neck, his name breathed sweetly in his ear. 

“Sakura,” he sighed, taking a shuddering breath. 

Her arms slipped down from his shoulders and he fell heavily to her side, reaching out swiftly to drag her body against his once more. 

Both his limbs and eyes were heavy, and he was looking forward to falling asleep with his lover held close again. 

“Sasuke-kun,” she whispered, wriggling slightly. “Hold on…” He tightened his arm around her waist, pressing his lips to the crown of her head as his eyes began to slip shut. 

Contentment settled in his bones and filled the spaces between his ribs

“Shh, sleep,” he mumbled, stroking his fingertips over her still-warmed skin soothingly and grinning slightly when she shivered. 

“I need to say something,” she insisted, voice quiet. “I- there’s something I should say to you.” He could feel the brush of her breath against his chest. Her voice trembled, just barely, and again Sasuke was reminded of a small, pink haired girl whose voice sounded just like that when she confessed her love to him, who promised him the world if he would only accept it.

_‘Nothing will ever change, Sasuke-kun.’_

“You don’t have to,” he pried his eyelids to peer down at her briefly. A smile tilted his mouth, “I know.”

Sasuke saw her bite her lips before his heavy lids slid shut once more. The last thing he heard was her sigh as he slipped into sleep, comforted by the feeling of her soft, warm body flush against his.

~

Sakura was startled awake by a loud pounding on her door. Multiple things happened all at once. She shot upright in her bed, clutching her comforter to her chest and a hand yanked her to the side. Sasuke pulled her behind him, taking a crouched position in front of her. His chakra became unsettled, flaring causticaly, its presence suddenly stifling in her small room.

She rolled her eyes as a piercing voice sang, “SAKURA-CHAN,” from the hall.

“Fuck,” Sasuke muttered, flopping into a sitting position and pressing his forehead into his palm. Sakura exhaled in a huff as his chakra became less turbulent and overwhelming to her senses.

And then dread settled in Sakura’s stomach as she realized that Sasuke had slept beside her all night and Naruto _must_ have noticed his absence and realized Sasuke had not slept in the living room. If not intuition, Sasuke’s obnoxious chakra flare would cue him in to the Uchiha’s whereabouts.

The banging sounded again, and Naruto called, “Get UP! I don’t care if you and teme are inside each other, it’s time to have breakfast!”

Sakura felt the blood drain from her face and she rolled her eyes upward, pleading with the gods to open a pit in the ground to swallow her hole.

“We’re coming, dobe, just shut up,” Sasuke called, voice tinged with irritation. He glanced over at her as Naruto’s loud footsteps retreated down the hall.

“I wasn’t planning for him to find out this way,” Sakura breathed, pressing her hand against her cheek. 

_I wasn’t planning for him to find out at all._

Sasuke quirked a fine, dark brow when her eyes flitted over to him. 

“Naruto has known for a while,” he said, his face void of any particular expression but she could see a glint of confusion in his eyes.

“You told him?” she asked, too quickly, her tone more forceful than she had intended in her shock. She could not fathom that Sasuke would discuss his _intimate_ pursuits so freely.

“He guessed, months ago,” Sasuke corrected and Sakura groaned, pressing _both_ hands to her face. “I was not aware it was a secret.”

Sakura thought she detected something bitter in his tone, but was much more preoccupied with the fact that Ino and Naruto both were somehow able to just _guess_ who she was fucking despite her best efforts to _not_ be obvious. 

_Fucking blonde sensors._

“Sakura,” Sasuke pulled her from her increasingly frantic musings. When she looked at him, his brows were furrowed and there was a look in his eyes she couldn’t name. “Did you intend for what’s between us to be a secret?”

Sakura found herself feeling oddly guilty for thinking _yes_. She sputtered as she tried to explain, “N-not necessarily. I just… I didn’t think it was anyone’s business, our...intimate affairs. I suppose it isn’t bad that Naruto knows, because well Ino does and Kakashi does now, too, somehow… It caught me off guard.”

Sasuke only blinked in response to her rambling and her face flushed more. She clambered out of bed, detangling from the blankets and awkwardly plucking her Ino’s dress and the remnants of her only pair of lace panties from the floor. 

“I’m going to take a shower,” she informed awkwardly, avoiding the dark gaze she could feel following her movements. “You mind keeping Naruto company before he comes back and breaks my door down?”

She glanced up only to see him nod before muttering a quiet _thanks_ and skittering into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and leaning against it heavily. The sound of the room door opening and closing allowed her to release her breath and shuffle into the shower. Embarrassment still tingled at her spine.

Once she was clean and dressed, Sakura dragged her feet toward her living room, stopping in her tracks at the sight of Naruto being trapped in a headlock by their dark-haired teammate.

“Do _not_ damage any of my furniture,” she growled, causing two sets of eyes to shoot up to where she stood. Sasuke released him, but not without a quick shove to which Naruto responded with a string of curse words.

She pinched the bridge of her nose with a harsh sigh before speaking again, “Sasuke, the shower is free if you want to go clean up.”

Sasuke nodded. She watched her own feet as he moved past her, cheeks warming slightly as he subtly brushed against her as he sauntered past.

Moments later, she looked up to see blue eyes watching her knowingly.

“Naruto,” she said, voice slightly shaky. She cleared her throat. “About… Sasuke and I-”

“I already know,” he waved his hand lazily, standing and brushing his hands over his shirt with a sigh. “No need for any explanation.”

Sakura bit her lip, hands clasping behind her back awkwardly, “I just… I hope you don’t think I was trying to hide anything from you.”

Naruto snorted, linking his fingers behind his head, “As if you could. Although, I am sorta disappointed you didn’t say anything, -ttebayo. I expect that from that bastard, because he barely talks _anyway_. But, Sakra-chan, I don’t know why you wouldn’t!”

Sakura thought she’d die from the humiliation, “It just wasn’t something I wanted to just...blurt out. And I didn’t want it to affect the dynamics of Team 7, even if we’re not exactly a team anymore.”

“No judgement for your choices,” Naruto shrugged, shooting her his signature grin. “Sasuke is an asshole, but all that really matters is that you two are good to each other. And as for Team 7, our bonds to each other are all unique, but they’re all strong and they make us all better for it. Don’t worry, Sakura-chan.”

A weak smile took her lips and she nodded. She took a seat on her couch and they chatted idly, joking and bantering playfully until Sasuke returned and suggested- quite unkindly- that Naruto go wash the stench of the night before away.

Sakura hopped up and busied herself with tidying up, putting scrolls and texts she had left strewn about throughout the week on their designated shelves. 

“Sakura,” his deep voice sounded from rather close behind her and she stiffened. 

She cleared her throat as she turned, having to tilt her chin to meet his gaze because of proximity, “Yes, Sasuke-kun?’

A dark and lavender eye searched hers for a moment before he sighed, slipping a hand into the pocket of his pants.

“I apologize,” he started, voice low and level. “I didn’t think to ask you before confirming Naruto’s suspicions about us. I should have told you.”

“No, it’s fine,” she rushed out, hand instinctively reaching to touch his arm. She pulled it back quickly, remembering herself. “You don’t have to apologize, it’s as much your business as it is mine. And I just spoke to Naruto, he’s...being surprisingly mature about it.”

Sakura accented her words with an awkward chuckle, clasping her hand behind her back as Sasuke continued staring at her face.

“Hn,” he hummed. He hesitated, then asked, “Why does it matter so much, what Naruto thinks?”

“He’s my best friend,” Sakura responded immediately. She took a moment to gather her thoughts. “And he’s _your_ best friend. We’re all Team 7 and _this_ between us has the capacity to affect that dynamic. Also, what he thinks of me matters to me, because he’s been there, through my very worst and my very best and most of the things in between.”

Sasuke nodded, his gaze dipping down to their feet. These days, it was difficult to decipher the nin’s feelings, but Sakura could see the lingering discomfort in his expression.

“Sasuke-kun,” she said, waiting until he looked at her from between damp locks of dark hair. “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m not angry at all.” 

He said nothing, only eyed her face as if looking for a lie somewhere in her expression. She offered a small smile that seemed to convince him. His shoulders relaxed and his expression softened slightly.

Naruto reentered the room with a loud yawn, pulling on one of the small supply of shirts he left at Sakura’s place in the case of emergencies or impromptu sleepovers like this.

“Sakura-chan,” he groaned, making a show of clutching his head in his hand as he approached. “My head _hurts_ , dattebayo…”

“I’m sure it does, considering you nearly drank the bar dry last night,” she said sweetly, flicking his cheek as he attempted to slump against her shoulder. 

“Alcohol is evil,” Naruto sniffed, shuffling over to her couch and flopping down on it. “I’m going to outlaw it when I’m Hokage. I feel like I’m gonna die.”

“You’re the one who suggested getting trashed, _idiot_ ,” Sasuke spit, with a startling amount of vitriol. Sakura glanced over and noted that his own face looked pinched and he was squinting slightly as if the dim light in her living room were bright as the sun itself.

Naruto only groaned in response and Sakura sighed, deciding that she would have to take pity on them if they were to have breakfast in time for her to get to her shift.

“Lean your head against the back of the couch, Naruto,” she directed with a sigh, walking behind the seat to press her hands against his temples. 

Chakra glowed at her fingertips and she smoothed it across his forehead and around the back of his skull like a balm. Her coated fingers pressed into the muscles at the side of his neck and the blonde let out a loud, drawn-out groan.

“ _Gods_ , Sakura-chan,” Naruto gasped, groaning again as she pushed more chakra into the base of his neck. His voice carried throughout the room so loudly, Sakura was sure her neighbors could probably hear it. “Your hands are fucking magic. We should do this more often.”

“Dobe, stop fucking talking before I kill you,” Sasuke growled, and Sakura bit back a chuckle as she glanced up to see him clutching his own head in his hand.

When Sakura removed her hands, Naruto sprang up with a cheerful thanks. She looked back to where Sasuke stood pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Sit here, Sasuke-kun,” she called. She nearly scoffed as he tossed her a glare and made no move.

His hesitation only lasted a few seconds before he sauntered over and sat down stiffly in front of her.

A devilish part of her wanted to see the Uchiha squirm. She stroked her chakra-coated hands over his forehead and temples, sweeping her fingers down either side of his stiff jaw. Her nails scratched lightly against his scalp as she moved to the back of his head, applying deep pressure and sending rhythmic thrums of chakra deep into his tissues as she rubbed over his shoulders.

Sakura could hear his sharp intake of breath and feel the twitch of his muscles under her hands. 

“Does your head still hurt, Sasuke-kun?” she breathed above his head. 

“No,” he muttered. His voice seemed deeper than usual, and strained in a way that made the fine hairs on her arms stand up. His next words were more of a sigh, “That feels good.”

She quickly extracted her chakra and removed her hands, leaving him with an awkward pat on the shoulder. 

“Shall we go eat?” she suggested brightly. Naruto immediately sprang toward the door, claiming that this meal would be his treat.

The three of them joked and chatted playfully as they walked through the busy Konoha streets. Sakura and Naruto were doing most of the talking, Sasuke only offering a scoff or scathing comment to their blonde-haired friend here and there. He seemed withdrawn, but Sasuke almost always was so she did not worry too much about it. Gone were the days in which she would spend her time analyzing every shift in his disposition and play at guessing or predicting his mood.

The only thing that nagged at her was the fact that he kept _staring_ at her, so obviously that she wondered how Naruto could possibly manage not to notice. It was no small feat to stay engaged as she strolled beside her friend when she could practically feel the smoldering gaze at her back.

“I think ramen is a perfectly good breakfast,” Naruto whined, to which Sakura sighed. She heard Sasuke do the same behind her.

“Naruto, for the last time,” she groaned, “ _no ramen_.”

Sakura found herself laughing more than eating when they finally found themselves at a restaurant. Naruto was speaking animatedly about his diplomatic missions, and whispering to them conspiratorially about the way Kakashi slacked off on his Hokage duties.

“He’s always telling staff to not disturb him early in the mornings because he has _paperwork_ ,” Naruto accented his words with finger quotes. “When really, he’s just taking a nap or reading that damn pervy book of his.”

“Didn’t your master write those books?” Sasuke drawled. 

“Yeah,” he scoffed, “that’s how I _know_ they’re perverted.”

Sakura chugged down gulps of water to avoid speaking ill of the dead. Sasuke caught her eye and his lip twitched in the shadow of a knowing smirk. He had more than once been privy to her most unfiltered musings on Naruto’s late master.

A persistent grin stuck on her face throughout the entirety of their outing. It stayed put even through the moments when Naruto and Sasuke fell into bickering.They nearly came to blows a couple times, but it warmed her heart because they were _together_ again. 

And no one was trying to _actually_ kill each other. This time.

“I wish we could have a mission together,” Naruto sighed forlornly. “It’s been forever since we got to fight together, dattebayo.”

“It’s peacetime, idiot,” Sasuke said, matter-of-fact. “I can’t imagine an enemy so dangerous that _all_ of us would be required to take it down.”

Sakura nodded, swallowing her last bite of food before adding on, “I’m pretty much solely a medic these days. It’s been ages since I had a field mission. The threat would have to be astronomical to send the two of you, and especially deadly if I needed to be there to keep you both alive.”

Naruto grumbled, “You never know. Maybe Kakashi can send you guys with me on my next diplomatic mission or something.”

“I would rather swallow a kunai and chase it with sake,” Sasuke replied casually. Sakura snorted, glancing out of the window of the restaurant.

She stood, gathering up her bag and lab coat. Naruto protested immediately, and she noted that Sasuke looked visibly unhappy to see her preparing to leave as well.

“I have to go, I’m sorry,” Sakura said. She was saddened that their time was cut short. “I’ve got to get to the hospital.”

“Aw, Sakura-chan!” Naruto whined, pouting at her. “Can’t you take the day off or something? We could hang out some more, train together or something!”

“Oh, Naruto,” she reached out to ruffle his short, spiky hair. “As much as I would enjoy kicking your ass, they’ll need me today. We’re going to be short on staff because we have some medics going on mission.”

“Oh, whatever,” the blonde frowned, face twisting into a squint of put-on annoyance as she ruffled his hair more aggressively.

She chuckled, squeezing Naruto’s shoulder affectionately as he gave a dramatic sigh of defeat. Sasuke caught her eye as she glanced toward him to bid him goodbye.

“I’ll catch you two later,” she nodded to the dark-haired nin before shooting Naruto another smile. He pouted and waved her off with a grumble.

Sakura felt eyes on her as she made her exit.

~

Sasuke fell to his side heavily, panting quickened breaths. His eyes were fixed on Sakura’s bare back, watching as she smoothed her hair away from her sweat-dampened neck.

He continued to stare as she moved to sit at the opposite edge of the mattress, not sparing even a glance over her shoulder as she went about gathering her clothes that were strewn about the floor.

A quiet sigh went unheard by his lover and the cold feeling that had plagued him a couple weeks before was beginning to creep back around the edges of his chest. Silence settled between them in the wake of their lovemaking, and for the umpteenth time, he wished Sakura would fill it with mindless chatter or some corny, flirtatious joke.

None of the passion from moments ago could be found in his quiet companion, and for an unnerving moment Sasuke wondered if it had been a figment of his imagination. But he recalled vividly the press of her warm mouth against his, could feel the sting of where her nails had scratched down his back. 

No longer able to stand the stillness, he moved across the bed to press flush against her from behind, catching a slender shoulder in his hand as he pressed his lips fervently against a deep red love-bite on the opposite side of her neck.

“Hm,” she hummed, quietly, craning her neck to the side slightly, away from his affections. “I don’t think I have another round in me, tonight.”

“Just lay with me,” he breathed, quietly, as if that would mask the note of desperation in his tone. Another deep kiss pressed to the beauty mark at the back of her shoulder accented his plea. He was exhausted both physically and mentally and he wanted nothing more than the weight of her resting against his chest and the sound of her voice filtering in his ears. 

Questions cycled about his head, none managing to form into the right words to get to the answers he needed. He could feel her flesh against his hand, hear the breath as it filtered in and out of her lungs, but she did not lean into his touch, did not turn to meet his gaze.

_Has everything changed?_

“Not tonight,” her voice was firm, but her hand was gentle as she plucked his from her shoulder. He retreated. Her face still did not turn to his as she stood, making her way away from the bed.

“I have a mission,” he stated, pathetically happy when she finally turned to face him. “I’ll be leaving tomorrow, it shouldn’t be longer than two weeks.”

He awaited her response, expectant, hungry for an invitation or an inkling of a desire to see him when he returned. 

She nodded, and her voice was gentle and sincere when she told him, “Be safe, Sasuke-kun.”

He nodded, and self-loathing settled deep in his innards when the silence settled once again and he found himself at a loss for how to fill it. The green eyes he’d yearned for all night settled on him, and he felt more than naked under their gaze.

Sakura ultimately spoke first, turning away once more as she said, “I’m going to take a shower. Lock the door when you leave, please?” And then she was disappearing into her bathroom, shutting the door softly behind her.

The subtle dismissal urged Sasuke’s hesitant muscles into movement. He was slow getting dressed, hoping against hope that Sakura would re-enter the space and ask him to stay. But he was no longer in the business of deluding himself-- it had been weeks since she had granted him the comfort of sleeping in her bed, brushing off his attempts to hold her in his arm even a few minutes longer than their lovemaking lasted.

Racking his brain, he could not find a moment in the last two weeks during which they held a meaningful conversation. The most she spoke was when they were both in the company of Naruto, or their other classmates. Once alone, she was uncharacteristically quiet, if not cooly polite. She had become almost startling straightforward in her physical affection, reaching for him and escorting him to her bed mere moments after he arrived at her apartment, smothering even his greeting with her kiss. He found himself resigned to coaxing sounds from her by touching her body, pushing every button he knew she had, just to hear his name on her lips, or any words, really.

Numbness spread through him and he supposed he preferred it to the ache of her absence, of her sudden indifference. He operated on autopilot as he exited her small apartment into the cool of the night, locking her door with the spare key he had, but seldom felt comfortable using as of recently. He pondered this gradual but startling change. In hindsight, he supposed it had been a while in the makings, but Sakura’s aversion to his touch or even his presence outside of sex had never been so obvious until tonight. 

Something was broken between them and inside of him and as he wandered aimlessly through the village that was only home because _she_ was, he wondered how he would go about finding the fragments and piecing them back together. Sakura’s hands were always those that did the mending, the fixing--of their team, of their friendship, of _him_.

He considered going to Naruto about his troubles, but quickly abandoned that urge. It was too late for a casual visit, and worse yet Sasuke would not be able to handle the shame. Because this crack in the foundations of his relationship with Sakura was undoubtedly due to some failure on his part. And Naruto was so good at this; love, for him, had always been so _easy_. He always knew the right words to say, the best actions to take to make sure his partner was happy and cared for. Sasuke, it seemed, always fell short.

The cold breeze that sifted through his hair was nothing compared to the chill taking place in his chest. Sakura’s absence--felt even when he was physically in her presence--was like a wound, a deep ache that made him sick to his stomach and his heart. He felt darkness tickling at the edge of his mind, whispering to him, taunting him in his dread.

Sasuke pushed the thoughts away because Sakura was still _here_ , even if she was distant. He was no longer so sick with madness and anger that he would run away from the light and embrace the dark just because he could not stand to face himself. 

He would fix this. Whatever it took, whatever changes forced him outside of his comfort zone or his natural predispositions would be made so long as he was able to enjoy Sakura’s smile, her laugh, her love again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura makes a decision. Sasuke does, too. Everything crashes together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, welcome and thank you for reading! I hope you all will enjoy this chapter. This story is approaching its end... I expect there to be 2 or so more chapters. I appreciate all the love this fic has gotten, and so enjoy reading your thoughts on each chapter!

Sakura shivered slightly as a cool breeze picked up, rustling leaves and shrubs gently. Sunlight still shone brightly through the small gaps between the tall trees above, but the change in temperature signaled the soon-to-come change in season. The leaves would be changing color soon. 

“Are you cold?” a deep voice asked beside her, and her cheeks warmed when she felt warm fabric being settled over her shoulders. 

She glanced to the side, meeting a pair of golden eyes and offering a shy smile. 

“Thank you, Hikaru,” she said, bashful. “It’s getting pretty chilly these days.” 

“That it is,” he nodded, tipping his head back to peer at the slivers of sky visible above them. “Colder than it usually gets. Makes me wonder if we’ll get lots of rain this year.” 

“Maybe,” Sakura hummed thoughtfully. 

Their arms were nearly brushing as they trekked through the barely beaten paths of Konoha’s outskirt. Sakura inhaled deeply, the smell of soil and various plants filling her nose. A gentle nostalgia washed through her, remembering summer days running through these trees, and searching for wild flowers. It had been a long time since she had enjoyed the purest parts of this place she called home. 

Hikaru told her of his own memories exploring and playing in these trees. She contributed little to the conversation, listening aptly to his tales and giggling at his jokes. After two dates since their fist, Sakura discovered that the jonin was quite talkative, charmingly so. She found that she did not mind. It was enjoyable, not feeling inclined to fill the silences. Her companion was a wonderful story-teller, an avid and engaged conversationalist.

Yet listened just as well as he talked, flattering her with his enthusiastic reactions to her stories from her time in the field, paying rapt attention and commenting on her plans to further expand mental facilities and clinics to serve patients outside of the main villages. Sakura found herself becoming very comfortable sharing even her only half-formed ideas with him. 

Fondness had begun to take root, and it was not so surprising to her. Hikaru was very personable, his countenance and appearance pleasing to her senses and sensibilities. Spending time with him was a delight, and it always felt easy. Emotions felt inside were always displayed clearly on his face--shyness darkened his cheeks and confusion twisted his brows. Attraction looked like straight teeth sinking briefly into a full bottom lip before his mouth tilted in a slightly crooked smile. 

“You know, I wish I had met you sooner,” he confessed quietly, his voice equal in volume to the twigs that rattled gently with another gust of wind. “I imagine it would have been fun, running through these trees with you, way back then. Ino always said you were the cutest thing.”

“Hm, I’m not sure about that,” she snorted. “That was before I grew into my forehead. Ino ‘affectionately’ called me  _ Billboard Brow _ .”

“Probably just jealous,” he leaned down slightly to whisper close to her ear and she chuckled. 

“Ino is the most beautiful kunoichi of our generation,” Sakura said matter-of-factly. “I don’t think she’s ever been jealous of  _ anyone _ .”

“I wouldn’t say the  _ most _ beautiful,” Hikaru shrugged, turning his head to meet her eyes with a knowing smile. 

Sakura flushed at the indirect compliment, and Hikaru grinned wider. She rolled her eyes, but her stomach felt like home to a kaleidoscope of butterflies. 

She assumed she would feel more trepidation and delight at the feeling, had she not been achingly familiar with the sensations of blood-heating, heart-stopping love and passion. This, the warm feeling in her belly paled in comparison to the burn that simmered deep inside of her, scorching through her veins when she met a certain dark gaze. It seemed so gentle, this attraction, in contrast to the feelings that had tugged at her insides for years, so forceful that she felt as if her very bones might crack under the pressure.

And her mind knew better, but her heart found this delicate enchantment to be too bland, too tame to rid it of its yearnings for something rougher, that which had tattooed itself into her flesh and echoed in the rhythm of her pulse-- her love for Sasuke. Because even as she enjoyed Hikaru’s presence and his attention, she found herself distracted by a flashing image of dark hair in the back of her mind, a distant whisper of his voice in her ear. 

She shoved those images back into their place, locked away in her subconscious because she owed it to herself to give the future a chance. Long had she chased after vestiges of the past, clinging to remnants of half-imagined affections, moments in the form of fragments that might as well have been dust slipping through her fingers. If life-- with all of its triumphs and catastrophe-- had taught her anything, it was that often-times history was best if it remained just that. Especially history like this, unrequited devotion that chained her to a past that never truly existed and trapped her in the dreams of possibilities that would never come. 

It should not have taken this long to come to these realizations. Sakura should never have pretended to keep doors open that by all intents and purposes had been slammed shut. Sasuke had made his choice, months ago, had been presented with her heart and denied it for the last time.

~~

_ Sunlight was shining through the gaps of her curtains when Sakura’s eyes blinked open slowly. She glanced blearily at the offending brightness for a moment before shutting her eyes once more and rolling in the opposite direction. The comforter slipped down her shoulder and her bare chest brushed against the sheets. _

_ Her eyes flew open as she took note of her nudity, the tell-tale soreness between her thighs and the tenderness of her lips. Images from the night before flashed like a recording in her mind and her body warmed immediately, cheeks no doubt turning a deep shade of red. _

Sasuke-kun…

_ She sat up slowly, glancing around her and biting her lip at the sight of her clothes strewn about the floor, bindings tangled in a pile near the side of her bed. Yet, hers were the only clothes she saw. _

_ Before dread could plant its gnarled roots in her stomach, she felt a spike of a familiar, semi-caustic chakra against her senses. It felt like it was reaching out to her, if a bit hesitant. He was still here. _

_ Sakura allowed herself a full minute to brace her nerves before climbing out of her bed shakily. One might say she was stalling, hiding in her bathroom longer than necessary to brush her teeth, then wash her face. She caught sight of a deep red love-bite near her collarbone, another just under her jaw, and flushed from breast to hairline. A hairbrush was quickly snatched up to be pulled through her hair briskly, working out the tangles in an attempt to smooth out wayward strands and her fragile nerves. _

_ Once she felt somewhat decent, she quickly dressed in lounge clothes, exiting her room and making her way toward the living room with the kind of apprehension she usually only felt when going on a difficult, high-rank mission, or right before performing a risky surgery. _

_ Sakura’s steps stuttered when she caught sight of Sasuke, his back facing her as he stood stalk-still in the middle of her living room. It looked even smaller with his looming presence, and he looked almost comically out-of-place amongst her femininely styled, hand-me down furniture. Tension was visible in the set of his broad shoulders, as well as in the fist clenched tightly at his side. _

_ “Sasuke-kun,” Sakura’s voice was no more than a breathy murmur, but he turned immediately to face her nonetheless. She had to swallow before speaking again, “Good morning.” _

_ His head dipped in a slight nod, the movement painfully stiff. Their eyes locked on one another and Sakura was thrown into a recollection of those same eyes burning into her last night as he gripped at her breast, her name dripping from his lips like nectar. _

_ She ripped her gaze from his, face burning as her heart thundered in her chest. The severity of the previous nights’ events were crashing down upon her. Sasuke had made love to her. She had confessed her love to him for the umpteenth time, as he thrust between her legs and held her so close it felt like their bodies had fused into one.  _

_ Every detail was perfectly clear in her mind and she felt almost faint standing in front of him now, as he looked down on her, stoic and unaffected as ever. _

_ “Sakura,” her body’s reaction to his voice was almost violent, her heart beating even harder and blood rushing into her cheeks. She clasped her sweating palms together behind her back, lest he see her fingers trembling. _

_ “Yes, Sasuke-kun?” she replied, trying and failing to keep her voice from trembling. Her breath caught when she heard him move, barely audible footsteps drawing closer until she could see his feet in her line of vision, directly in front of her. Her eyes slowly moved up until they met his gaze once again. What she saw there caused her blood to freeze in her veins.  _

_ “Sakura,” he repeated, voice quiet. “We should...talk.” _

_ It was almost difficult to hear him above the rushing sound in her ears, and she thought her heart might beat through her chest. There was a distinct tone of regret in his words and something in her blood told her that her happiness, her utter  _ **_joy_ ** _ was seconds away from being ripped from under her feet. _

_ “Do you...remember?” she asked. Fear was curdling in her stomach, replacing the shy enthusiasm from before. Was what could undoubtedly be called the best moment of her life simply a drunken lapse in judgement on his part? _

_ Was she a mistake? Something he couldn’t even  _ remember?

_ “I remember everything,” he responded immediately and Sakura felt only a minute sense of relief. “I was going to ask if you did, but...I assume you do.” _

_ Sakura nodded, awkwardly, because words would not take form on her tongue. _

_ A long-fingered hand raked through dark hair and Sasuke exhaled a sharp breath through his nose.  _

_ “Sakura,” he started and she wished he would just  _ stop  _ saying her name like that. “I...I am sorry.” _

_ “Sorry?” she echoed quietly, and he flinched at the broken sound of her voice. _

_ His jaw clenched tightly, his tone stiff as he spoke, “That… shouldn’t have happened. What we did, it…. I should not have taken advantage of you that way.” _

_ “You didn’t,” she said immediately. “I knew what I was doing.” _

_ Another huff of frustration, “That doesn’t change the fact that...it was ill-advised.” _

_ The fact that he was speaking of their time together as if it was a mission gone wrong caused pain to lance through her, embarrassment paling her cheeks.  _

_ “You regret it, then?” she whispered, and it took every bit of her will to continue meeting his gaze. She sounded pitiful to her own ears. It was only pride that kept tears from spilling down her face. _

_ His eyes slipped shut for a moment and he turned his face away. “No. I don’t regret it. I can’t.” _

_ The spark of hope that tried to ignite in her chest was quickly smothered by her wariness. It flickered stubbornly nonetheless. “But?” _

_ Sasuke turned to look at her again, and there was an oddly pained look on his face, a tightness about his eyes. _

_ “You deserved better,” he breathed. One step moved him slightly closer to her before he froze. “You deserved more than just… a drunken hookup.” _

_ “I don’t care about how it happened, Sasuke-kun,” her voice was still trembling and she hated it. “Even if it wasn’t exactly...planned. It still meant more than just a hookup, to me. You mean more than that, to me.” _

_ Her feet moved without her permission, until she was so close she had to tip her head back to hold his gaze. She could feel the heat of him through both their clothing. _

_ “I wanted you, Sasuke-kun,”she whispered, feeling vulnerable in a way she had never been before. “You know that… that you’re what I always wanted. So last night is only a mistake if-if you didn’t want  _ **_me_ ** _.” _

_ Dark eyes were burning into her own but no words came from his tightened lips. Tears pricked at her eyes once more, so very close to spilling over the rim. _

_ “Did you?” she asked, brokenly, pathetically.  _

_ “Yes,” his voice was deep, rough in a way that made her skin tingle and her breaths heavy moving through her lungs. “Yes, I wanted you.” _

_ Sakura swallowed thickly, her hand trembling as it came up to rest against his chest. He made no move to stop her and she could feel his heartbeat pounding against her palm. She remembered how smooth yet firm his bare chest felt against her fingers. _

_ “Do you still want me?” she murmured, searching his eyes for a reaction to her offering. Dark brows furrowed, lowering over his piercing eyes and a deep breath expanded his chest. _

_ “Yes,”he breathed and then he was leaning so close that his forehead brushed against hers.  _

_ “Sasuke-kun,” she bit her lip, fingers pressing more firmly against him. “I love you.” _

_ When she felt him freeze, and then his hand moving over hers to take it away from his chest, her heart felt like it had been shredded into tiny pieces. A single tear slipped down her face as he pulled back to stare down at her with an expression full of regret. _

_ “Sakura,” Sasuke spoke, and her name had never sounded so bittersweet. “I can never be what you want. I can’t be what you deserve.” _

_ Sakura choked back a sob and dipped her head to hide the way she crumbled at his words. Once again, she had bared herself to this man who she loved with her entire being, and once again was she being rejected. This time, it was especially painful because she had opened herself to him completely, offered  _ **_everything_ ** _ to him, and apparently...it was not enough.  _

_ She had to wonder if she was a glutton for punishment or just lacking both pride and shame. _

_ A warm hand cupped her chin and her face was tipped up, forcing her to meet the dark grey and lavender eyes that haunted her each night in her dreams.  _

_ “I’m not a good man, Sakura,” his voice was oddly strained, so quiet Sakura could barely hear it over the sound of her own pulse in her ears. “I don’t know if I ever will be. I don’t have anything to give you, nothing that a woman like you deserves.” _

_ Sakura’s lips trembled as her hand was taken in his again, brought back to rest against his chest.  _

_ “All I have… is this,” his large hand pressed more firmly over hers. His heartbeat thumped fast and hard against her quivering palm. And then his hand moved, his thumb swiping away at the tears streaking her cheeks. “It’s the only thing I can offer to you.” _

_ More tears poured down her face, and her lips quivered violently because this man she loved with her entire being was offering her his body, and telling her that it was all he had to give. And she could only assume that her body was all he was asking for in return. _

_ And Sakura knew then that she was  _ weak _ , that she always had been and always would be when it came to Uchiha Sasuke. Because even as her heart shriveled up and that tiny spark of hope died out in her chest, she knew what her answer would be.  _

_ A pitiful mimicry of a smile took her mouth as she whispered, “I’ll take it.”  _

_ The way the troubled look on his face immediately melted away made pain throb deep inside her, but the feeling was immediately soothed by his hand pressing fully against her cheek. The tightness in her chest did not loosen, though, nor did the bubbling grief in her belly because how much of a  _ **_burden_ ** _ was her love to him that rejecting her so fully could bring him such relief? _

_ She tasted salt and her own heartbreak when his lips slowly came to press against hers and she wondered if he enjoyed the flavor. His own lips were sweet against hers, and she felt warm and cold at the same time, both joyed and saddened to be wrapped up against him, so close to his body but farther from his soul than she had ever been.  _

_ Dissonant feelings took her just as he did, simultaneously amplifying and deadening the sensations. Sakura clung to his body nonetheless, to the only part of him that would ever be within her reach. When the sound of her name rolled off his tongue like a prayer and his hands stroked against her flesh in a painfully convincing imitation of devotion, Sakura squeezed her eyes shut and focused on the sound of his heavy breaths and passionate utterances to tune out the cries of her grieving heart. _

**_This is enough_ ** _ , she promised, pressing a fervent kiss to his shoulder. And as he had her atop the rug on her living room floor, her body and insides burned for him.  _

_ ~~ _

A shiver passed down her spine and Sakura decided then that, yes, warmth was  _ enough _ . She did not have to live inside the fire to warm herself at it. And keeping those alluring flames at a distance would definitely protect her from many wounds in the long run. 

If she could give nearly a decade to the fickle desires of her youth, she determined that it was worth the time to wait for intrigue to turn into interest and for her heart to slowly loosen its hold on nostalgia to experience a different, new kind of affection. 

It was time to free herself, and to free  _ him _ , too, from the bonds of her unasked-for and patently unwanted attachment. Because nothing would ever change, and waiting would slowly kill her, and eventually become a bother to him. He had been through too much to bear the burden of her own silly infatuation.

Sakura was pulled from her musings by the brush of rough fingers at the back of her hand. Green eyes met golden ones and those fingers slipped slowly, hesitantly against her palm, curling to link with hers loosely, questioningly. She swallowed lightly and moved her own hand, squeezing their hands together a little more tightly.

There were no flames, no scathing heat against her insides, nor searing sensation wrapping itself between her ribs. But the warmth in her belly increased as she watched Hikaru pull his lip between his teeth for a flash of a moment, before his cheeks flushed and he gazed down at her with a wide grin.

_ Yes _ , she thought, as they finally broke through the trees and passed by an achingly familiar bench as they moved away from the edges of the village. She did not spare it more than a cursory glance.  _ This could be enough. _

~

Walking through the gates always made something feel unsettled in his stomach. Konoha was a beautiful village, it had always been and if a certain blonde-haired idiot had anything to say for it, it always would be. But there was something ugly seeping in the cracks of the roads, residing just underneath the layers of fresh paint on new buildings with old foundations. Sasuke wondered if that something was invisible to everyone else, or if they  _ chose _ not to see it as they went about their lives, preserving their hardwon and tentative peace. 

Sasuke saw blood staining the ground, darkness lingering about the edges of well-lit streets. This village was a cemetery in itself, for his clan, his kin, his innocence. 

Yet it  _ had  _ been home-- the only one he had ever known. Maybe it was this that made him swallow down the disgust that roiled in his stomach when he saw the Third’s face atop the Hokage monument, suppressing shivers when passing by what used to be the section of land that his family lived on. 

He was not sure if the Leaf would ever truly feel like home to him again-- but home was not exactly a place to him, anymore. Home was a feeling, and he had only been able to find it in particular people. A particular person.

Home looked like shining green eyes and a wide, bright smile. It sounded like a loud, belly laugh and whispered comfort in the darkness of night. It felt like small hands roughened with tiny scars and calluses pressed against his skin, and strong but slender arms holding him in a sometimes too-tight embrace. 

Sasuke remembered the night he had told Sakura that Konoha did not feel like home to him. The way her brows had furrowed and she had worried her lips between her teeth had made his chest feel tight.

~~

_ “What do you mean, Sasuke-kun?” she asked, setting her half-eaten meal to the side. Sasuke sighed, setting his own chopsticks down. Her head tilted, confusion furrowing her brows.  _

_ “I was gone for a very long time,” he shrugged, meeting her concerned gaze. The flutter he felt in his stomach at having her attention focused so intently on him was almost embarrassing. “A lot changed. I changed. Konoha isn’t the same, and neither am I.”  _

_ “That doesn’t mean it isn’t your home, Sasuke-kun,” Sakura insisted, and he loved the way her small fists clenched in her lap. Such small things that held such monstrous strength, but also a wonderful gentleness, instruments of destruction and care. “Everyone changes, but I would hope that you always feel safe and at peace here.” _

_ His eyes slipped shut for a moment before he rested his chin in his hand. “Safety is not something I am familiar with, nor do I seek it. Do we shinobi ever truly feel safe?” _

_ Sasuke’s eyes flitted about the area they sat in, meaningfully. He knew the location and nature of the chakra traps set at her door, all of her windows. She followed his gaze to the coffee table in between them. They both knew there were kunai and shuriken stashed on its underside. _

_ Sakura nodded her acquiescence to that point, “Fair. Peace, then. As much as we can enjoy it as ninja.” _

_ A wry smile twisted his lips and he took note of the way her cheeks flushed pink. _

_ “Konoha has not offered me any peace since I was very young,” he confessed.  _

_ Part of him wanted to leave it at that, to keep close the feelings he had shoved into a corner of his heart, never to see the light of day again. Because, how ungrateful would he be to Naruto’s sacrifices, to Sakura? When they had fought and bled and cried for him to come back to his sanity and return to this village, their home with them? _

_ But this was Sakura. And she was nothing if not empathetic, she was always understanding. She understood him better than most--she always had. _

_ “When my clan was massacred,” he started, paused, his throat tightening immediately. Sakura’s features fell more, her hands squeezing together. “My clan was massacred, and I was left alone. Taken care of, sure, more so than Naruto. But...being without my clan, my  _ **_family_ ** _ was a loneliness I don’t think I truly understood then, but I felt nonetheless. All I had was my goals, to avenge my clan, to become a strong shinobi. To kill Itachi. It felt like every moment was spent either reliving the carnage of that night, or working my body to exhaustion. I was never at peace, except those few rare times when my guard was down, with Team 7.” _

_ Sasuke breathed deeply, the memory of that cold, lonely feeling so fresh it might as well have been carved into his consciousness, a familiar ache in the marrow of his bones. As if sensing his struggle, Sakura moved tentatively to sit beside him, placing a gentle hand on his.  _

_ “I wish I had been able to do more for you,” Sakura frowned, seeming so deeply troubled it made Sasuke’s heart thump in his chest. Her care was palpable, he could nearly taste it on his tongue, and the warmth of it chased the cold away. “Of course the village would be associated with bad memories…” _

_ “Finding out that the death of my clan was because of and ‘for the sake of’ the village,” Sasuke shook his head, a sharp kind of chuckle spilling unfettered from his lips, “it didn’t help the disconnect. It’s...difficult to be here, to serve this village while knowing that much of my pain started here. I know I should be forgiving, but it isn’t easy. I lost everything and most people don’t even know why.” _

_ Sasuke had never said so much aloud. These conversations never usually went far with Naruto-- his love and devotion for Konoha and how it  _ could _ be made him defensive, uncomfortable with Sasuke’s lack of fondness. He treasured his bond-brother more than enough to filter his resentment, to swallow the lingering vestiges of loathing for his sake. _

_ It was different with Sakura. She did not speak, letting the silence settle until he was ready to continue. Her emotions were written clearly on her face, as they always had been. Concern furrowed her brows, pain tightening her eyes and a quiet anger beginning to simmer in her gaze, showing in the tense set of her jaw.  _

_ She shook her head, jaw ticking before she spoke tightly, “I don’t blame you for not forgiving the village for what it has done for you. It was silly of me to ask why you might not feel like you had a home here. I’m sorry, Sasuke-kun.”  _

_ An intense sort of gratification took him, relief settling deep in his bones and in his chest because he finally felt as if someone  _ understood _. As if by her quiet words and gentle fingers he was vindicated. Sakura heard him, heard his complications with Konoha and did not call him treasonous for it or demand forgiveness when there was never any apology. _

_ “Don’t apologize,” he moved his hand, straightening and leveling her with his gaze. “The ills of this place, my complicated feelings about it have nothing to do with you. I may not have a physical representation of home anywhere in this world… but you being here, and Naruto, makes it okay.” _

_ Sasuke pretended to not notice as tears welled in her eyes when she turned her head, brushing them away inconspicuously.  _

_ “What about Kakashi?” she asked, a teasing tone to her voice that almost masked the tremble of emotion.  _

_ “Him, too, I guess,” he shrugged noncommittally. She laughed loudly and it made a smile spread his own cheeks.  _

_ “I’ll be sure to tell him that he was an afterthought in one of your rare moments of sentimentality,” Sakura snorted and he gave a noncommittal shrug. She giggled before sighing, fiddling with her food thoughtfully. “It’s amazing to think that after everything… we did get you back. It took some blood, sweat and a lot of tears on my part, but here we are.” _

_ Her head turned to him and she offered him a sweet smile, but this time shame curdled instead of fluttering butterflies in his gut. His own head turned away and he grit his teeth. _

_ “I will never be able to apologize to you enough,” he whispered. He could feel the shift of her beside him, but for once could not allow himself the privilege of meeting those green eyes. “All I’ve done to you is unforgivable.” _

_ “And yet it has been forgiven,” she said, voice stern.  _

_ Sasuke shook his head, still after all this time shocked at her kindness, “I tried to kill you.” His head tipped, eyes peeking at her through dark strands of hair. _

_ “I tried to kill you,” she echoed, quirking her head with a careless expression. “We both tried to hurt each other numerous times. But you had your reasons, you have apologized so many times, and I  _ **_forgive_ ** _ you for it. I hope you’ll forgive me, too.” _

_ “There’s nothing to forgive,” he responded immediately, moving to meet her gaze more fully.  _

_ She grinned at him, “My sentiments exactly.” He rolled his eyes.  _

_ “It’s not the same,” he insisted. He glared down at his hand, his single hand that two nights ago had been wrapped against her waist, holding her close enough to feel her heartbeat. That same hand had been wrapped about her slender neck just a few short years ago.  _

_ Self-disgust was bitter at the back of his throat. _

_ “Sasuke-kun, look,” Sakura sighed, “like I said, we all tried to hurt each other at some point. Most of our teens were dedicated to you and Naruto practically killing each other. Do you still feel guilty for trying to kill Naruto? Or did you accept his forgiveness and move on?” _

_ “That’s different.” _

_ “Why is it different? It’s literally the same situation,” she questioned, raising a pale brow.  _

_ “Because, it’s you,” he murmured. Her eyes narrowed.  _

_ “Because I’m weaker than Naruto?” she accused. He tried to ignore how adorable the crinkle of her nose was. _

_ “No,” he denied. “It’s because you are the last person in this world I would want to see hurt.” _

_ “Good thing you won’t try to hurt me again, then,” she patted his hand cheerfully.  _

_ “How do you know that?” he whispered. “Everyone thinks I’m a monster. Sometimes I believe that I am. Maybe I don’t deserve peace.” _

_ “You are not a monster,” she said fiercely. She placed her hand over his again. “You are Uchiha Sasuke, a member of Team 7. You’re someone who went through dark times but came out stronger in the end. I know you won’t hurt me, because I trust you. And anyway, if you ever tried to harm us again, I’d just beat the shit out of you until you came back to your senses. That always works for Naruto.” _

_ A laugh burst from his mouth despite himself and Sakura chuckled along with him.  _

_ “You deserve all the peace this life has to offer, Sasuke-kun,” she whispered, voice becoming serious as their laughter died down. “I hope one day you do find that, and really find home, somewhere.” _

_ The hand that was on his tightened and the dark feelings that had crept upon him dissipated, melting away and being replaced by the warmth of his fondness for the woman beside him. His hand moved under hers, fingers squeezing briefly in a show of appreciation. It felt  _ good _ , hearing the affection in her voice, the way she wished good things upon him. Sakura believed he deserved peace, hoped that he found home even if it wasn't in this village. _

_ Sasuke decided, her smaller hand wrapped in his and the warmth of her pressed against his side, that he already had. _

_ ~~  _

Now he wandered the streets, feeling lost because the person who had become home to him was slowly slipping away, and he did not think he could stand the loneliness again. He did not want to be lost anymore. 

Apprehension gripped at his throat as he came to stand before her apartment. His hand twitched by his side, hesitant as he tried to muster the courage to rap his knuckles against her door. 

Sasuke missed her so much it felt like there was a gaping hole where his chest should be, no organs, bones or cartilage, only his yearning for her presence, her voice and touch. Green eyes plagued him in sleep and while he was awake, distracting him as he cut down enemies and moved stealthily through tall-standing trees. He  _ ached _ for home, and that only could be found here, in her arms.

His knuckles rapped against her door once, twice and then a third time and he exhaled a gust of breath.

Moments passed with no answer and Sasuke wondered with a sinking feeling whether she was not home, or simply choosing not to answer him. Considering her countenance when he’d left for his mission, he would not be that surprised if it were the latter.

He grit his teeth and knocked again, waiting once more and straining his ears to detect the sound of footsteps approaching the door. When he hears none, he closes his eyes and sharpens his senses, feeling for her chakra signature. He finds nothing and deduces that she is in fact not present to welcome him in.

Long minutes pass with him lingering outside of her door. The sun was just barely starting to gravitate toward the horizon, and Sasuke guessed that if she had a shift at the hospital, she would be returning home soon. How soon was the question and after a few more moments of hovering awkwardly on the balcony of her apartment, Sasuke decides to use his spare and simply wait for her inside. It would not be the first time, and even if she was unhappy with him right now, he did not think she would mind him entering in like both he and Naruto had done many times before.

Thoughts swirl around his head as he paces about her living room. He had been refusing to acknowledge a problem that was now parading in his face and there was no more time for waiting for the storm to pass. Sakura felt so far away, even when she was next to him, even when he held her wrapped in his arm. The loneliness seeping through the spaces between his ribs and spilling into his chest was suffocating, reminding him of a time when he had forsaken everything that he could have loved and cared for. He never wanted to experience that again.

He sucks a deep breath through his nose, sitting down and forcing the frantic thoughts away. This wasn’t about him-- it was about figuring out why Sakura was pulling away from him and finding out what he needed to do to bring her back, to make her happy again. 

He had been complacent long enough, waiting for her to be ready to tell him what the problem was. Sakura had been pulling the emotional weight for both of them for the better part of a decade, and he knew that it was well past time for him to take on the burden. 

Resolve stiffened his spine, and his fist clenched against his thigh as he waited for Sakura to return. He felt nervous, antsy and almost nauseated with anticipation.

Sasuke stands when his sensitive ears pick up the sound of footsteps in front of her door. He immediately notices the presence of a second, unfamiliar chakra signature and pauses. He takes a moment to mask his chakra, as not to alert Sakura or her guest to his presence. It was not uncommon for Team 7 to appear in each other’s home unannounced, but he would hate for her to assume it was because of injury or distress and agitate her companion. When the door remains closed and he hears no jangling keys, he approaches the door silently.

He can hear Sakura’s voice, just barely, and a second, deeper one. His brows furrow, the voice unfamiliar to him as well. But he does not pretend to know who every one of Sakura’s friends is; she was just as social and well-liked as Naruto in the village. Still, something did not feel right in his chest and so he listened closer, using chakra about his ears to make out the conversation that kept them lingering outside for so long.

“I had a great time,” Sakura said softly, and he could hear a smile in her voice. It made his stomach tingle, because her joy was always pleasing to his ears.

“Me too,” the other person responded. 

There was silence for a moment. Then, a giggle, one that caused Sasuke’s blood to freeze cold in his veins, because he  _ knew _ that sound. It was followed by the distinct sound of lips meeting, and Sasuke felt like he was burning, then.

Emotions slammed into him with such force he gasped quietly, taking a shaky step back from the door. His mind was a whirlwind, confusion and hurt and betrayal cycling at breakneck speed as he heard Sakura’s sigh and the quiet  _ thump _ of a back being pressed against her front door.

It was if the world went black for a moment and Sasuke could focus on nothing but the sounds of lips moving together, of soft sighs and a husky whisper of Sakura’s name. Sasuke felt as if a fire was raging under his skin, scorching through muscle, bone and sinew as he listened to the woman he loved kissing someone else outside of her apartment.

Time didn’t seem to exist. It could have been seconds, but it felt like an eternity that Sasuke stood, rooted to the spot, listening. He heard the moment their lips parted and Sakura giggled quietly again, and this time the sound caused a sharp pain to lance through his chest. His fingers trembled at his side, before they curled into a fist. 

“I think I should be getting inside now,” her voice was wispy, breathless and Sasuke’s eyes snapped shut.

“Of course,” the voice replied, equally as breathy. Sasuke’s eyes reopened as the doorknob jiggled then turned.

Immediately Sakura noticed him with a startled gasp, and he only stared as she froze, looking at him with wide eyes, still clutching the door handle. His eyes shifted to the man behind her, who placed a protective hand on her waist and glared at him suspiciously over her head. Sasuke felt the red of the sharingan bleeding over his iris, his chakra flaring to life as his gaze zeroed in on the stranger’s face.

“Sasuke-kun!” she breathed, moving to step inside, glancing back at the man who lingered near the threshold. “I- are you alright? Is everything okay?”

He said nothing, his eyes pinned on the man who still had his hand settled on her waist, his other hovering close to what must have been a weapon concealed at his own. 

“Sakura?” the man asked, wariness dripping from his voice, his eyes never leaving Sasuke’s form, although he was careful to avoid peering into the sharingan. His chakra grated against Sasuke’s senses, a subtle threat.

Sasuke’s jaw clenched at the nin’s tone and disposition-- as if  _ he _ was the stranger here. 

“It’s okay, this is my teammate,” she turned to assure the man, placing a gentle hand on his chest briefly and Sasuke swore he could hear his ribs cracking, the pressure in his chest making him fit to burst.

“If you say so… I’ll see you later,” the nin spoke hesitantly, but moved his gaze to stare down at Sakura fondly. He planted a lingering kiss on her cheek, his eyes flitting to Sasuke before he pulled away to smile down at her.

“See you,” she whispered, her face whipping to his and then back to the other man’s. The blood drained from Sasuke’s face at the sight of the dashing of pink on her cheeks.

When Sakura closed the door, she turned to meet his gaze, face still flushed and eyes shifty. Her lips were reddened, kiss swollen. 

Sasuke felt empty.

“Who was that?” he asked after a long moment of silence, his voice low and strained. The anger he had felt bubbling in his gut dissipated with the stranger’s absence. There was only a deep ache in between his ribs and behind his eyes now.

“Um,” she started, awkwardly kicking her shoes off as she responded, “his name is Hikaru. We were just coming back from dinner.”

“A date?” he muttered as she came to stand directly in front of him.

“Yes,” she replied. Despite the darkening of her cheeks, there was no embarrassment in her voice, no shame. 

He had not expected her to deny it when he had  _ seen _ , but the confirmation nearly knocked him to the ground. He moved away from her, mindlessly trying to make space between them as his blood rushed, a roaring sound in his ears. She followed him as he stalked into her living room, calling his name questioningly.

A small hand landed gently on his back and he whipped around to face her, moving a step backward to distance himself from her touch. Sakura flinched and his eyes burned because she seemed so confused, so oblivious to the fact that his heart felt as if it had been shred to pieces with a dull kunai.

“How long have you been seeing  _ him _ ?” he refused to speak the man’s name, lest his rage come back and overtake the rest of the emotions boiling inside.

“About a month,” she said, her brows furrowing. “What’s wrong? Are you injured? Did something happen with Naruto?”

She ran her eyes over his form before meeting his gaze, her expression just slightly concerned. He could no longer stand to look at her face, so he shifted his gaze to stare blankly over her shoulder.

His throat was tight when he said, “You’ve been together for a month.” 

A month during which she had treated him like a stranger, speaking only as often as she wanted him in her bed and then shying away from his touch shortly thereafter. A month in which he could _feel_ a rift, an insurmountable distance stretching between them-- that month was spent drawing closer to some red-haired stranger, being _courted_ by another man.

Sasuke thought that this must be some form of divine punishment. It must be revenge. Retribution for the pain he’d caused her for all those years, because nothing else made sense. It did not make sense that she was staring at him as if he was crazy and there was nothing wrong when some other man had her wrapped in his two arms moments ago. 

“We aren’t ‘together’,” she crossed her arms and her tone took on a frustrated edge. “We go on dates, but I’m not  _ with _ him. I barely know him.”

“You know him well enough to let him shove his tongue down your throat,” he quipped, voice icy, and she gaped at him for a moment. 

“I don’t know how that is any of your business,” she said quietly, and he could hear anger seeping into her tone. He could count on his one hand the amount of times she had truly been angry with him. “As a matter of fact, it is  _ not _ your business.” 

She was definitely angry. He could see it in the way her small clists clenched so tightly her knuckles whitened, how her nose curled in offense.That this Hikaru could inspire such a reaction from her made pain throb deep in his chest, pumping like his own blood through his veins.

“Not my business?” he whispered, a short, forlorn chuckle spilling from his mouth. He shook his head in disbelief. 

“I don’t understand what the issue is,” Sakura sounded genuinely confused. “I didn’t expect you to be here of course, but…” 

_ If I wasn’t here, would you have welcomed him inside? Would you let  _ **_him_ ** _ hold you for the rest of the night? _

Sasuke tipped his head back with a shaky breath, eyeing the ceiling. His mouth opened of its own volition, asked the question, “Have you fucked him?” 

She gasped audibly, and he looked down to see her face pale and eyes go wide. For a moment he thought she might slap him through the walls of her apartment. Instead, Sakura swallowed, shutting her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose as if to calm herself before looking at him again.

“Sasuke, I am a grown woman,” she spoke slowly, enunciating each word as if explaining something complex to a child. He noted the absence of the honorific. “Who I spend time with and what I do with them… it does not concern you.”

He felt numb at her words. It was as if the world had lost all its color and its texture, and his body was not alive, just existing in this world in which Sakura used to love him. Now, she stared at him with reserved anger in her eyes and offense in the set of her jaw and he imagined his heart had ceased its beating in his chest.

“Good night, Sakura,” he said, moving past her to slip on his shoes. He felt trapped in her quaint apartment, as if the walls were closing in, mocking him as his insides decayed. 

“Sasuke-kun!” she called, darting to catch his empty sleeve as he pulled open the door. “ _ What _ is going on?”

He brushed her hand off and left without reply, leaping off the railing to sail over rooftops. He did not know where he was going, only that he needed to get away from those wide green eyes that used to look at him with deep affection but now looked so callous and uncaring. As if he was nothing to her, as if  _ they _ had been  _ nothing _ . 

Sasuke found himself in the cemetery, and it felt fitting that his breathing body, but unliving soul, would seek out comfort amongst the dead.


End file.
